Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I find a woman attractive .....do I tell her?

291 replies

pippyo33 · 23/07/2018 19:23

I'm 33.
I've always had relationships with men.
About a year and a half ago I started liking a woman (she's my friends friend).
We've had a few weekends away (the 3 of us) she is great.
I've found myself thinking of her non stop.
I thought maybe it was a crush but I still feel the same 1 1/2 years later.
She invited me to her sisters birthday party (we didn't know each well then )
She has asked me what type of person I like and what personality I go for.
I think we have flirted.
But as far as she's concerned I'm straight.
Would you even say anything?

OP posts:
onemorecupofcoffeefortheroad · 25/07/2018 22:37

You are not a fraud - never think that! Many women (myself included) have come out later in life after having had only relationships with men.
I’ve always been made hugely welcome in the LGBTQ community. Don’t doubt yourself - sexuality is situated on a continuum and as someone else said maybe you’re not as straight as you think.
This is my favourite thread atm. Good luck for Saturday.

Orlandointhewilderness · 25/07/2018 23:01

i think you need to tell her!! or actually, seriously ask her out in exactly the same way you would if she was a man. the fact she is a woman is so, so irrelevant here! we are grown ups - address it head on wine is allowed!

Littlejayx · 25/07/2018 23:09

I honestly live (vicariously through other people) for a good love story 💖

zippyswife · 25/07/2018 23:18

Not place marking at all! Good luck!

Littlechocola · 25/07/2018 23:21

As if her friends wouldn’t accept you!

duffbeergoggles · 25/07/2018 23:28

OP I'm bisexual and have only so far had relationships with men but there have been so many women I've known who I've really, really, wanted to get close to.

I'm still enjoying knowing that I'm normal and I'm not ready to do anything really definite about it yet, including telling folk in RL, but I'm quite happy to live vicariously through this thread for a while so I say if you found someone who does it for you don't overthink it like I do just do it!

Hidingtonothing · 26/07/2018 02:46

Hate to placemark but can't risk losing this thread, am so hoping this works out for you OP Smile

Original poster
pippyo33 · 26/07/2018 09:03

It's going to sound mad but because it's a woman I'm not sure how to act Confused
Like I don't know how to make it clear I like her because she's a woman and I'm not used to telling women I fancy them (if you know what I mean)
I've been googling how to flirt with a fellow woman.
I'm going to need a few cocktails before this day.
She's prob thinking I want to discuss knitting patterns ....
She has no clue In my head I want to seduce her Grin

OP posts:
jazzyfizzles · 26/07/2018 09:49

I'd say 'you look beautiful' rather than 'gorgeous' or something like that, girls often call each other gorgeous but beautiful seems more sincere and sounds more 'I fancy you' in a way!

THEsonofaBITCH · 26/07/2018 10:00

I find when I don't know what to say/do telling that to the other person works wonders as they want to help you. Something like "I'm so confused that I don't know what to say or do here. I want you to know I think you are fascinating and beautiful and these feelings have taken me by storm. I want you to know I would like to get to know you on a deeply personal level but don't want you to think me mad or anything."
I hope it all works out for you, love is amazing in all respects. I remember fondly the two gentlemen sitting next to my grumpy son at the London Olympics Beach volley ball (maybe they will see this) who were so obviously in love with each other it was wonderful to see. They coaxed DS to listen to the announcer's banter, ogle the bikini athletes and just generally enjoy the spectacle and turned him around a bit.

Loopytiles · 26/07/2018 10:25

Just tell her, directly, ideally by text to give her a chance to mull it over, or via mutual gossipy friend, that you’re interested.

Otherwise given your behaviour with her to date you’ll probably bottle it!

Borntobeamum · 26/07/2018 11:49

Hhmmmm. Have you thought about biting the bullet and text something like this.
'Morning You. Probably going to sound totally wacky and out there, but I think I've got a huge crush on you. If you'd rather cancel, I understand but dont want to make a jack ass of myself so just putting it out there. Waiting with trepidation /hope! '

onemorecupofcoffeefortheroad · 26/07/2018 12:10

Just act the way you usually would when you fancy someone. When we met my wife and I flirted with each other, went on dates, sent sexy texts, called each other ‘gorgeous’ ‘darling’ ‘beautiful’ ‘sweetheart’ ‘my love’, held hands and touched each other a lot - we still do all those things now 12 yrs on! Just be yourself.

QuaffleyGood · 26/07/2018 12:43

Have you had any conversations with her where you felt like you came close to telling her how you felt or hinted at it?

lotsofplanetshaveanorth · 26/07/2018 14:22

I agree, just tell her. Playing it cool is too risky.. what if she thinks you are teasing or playing? What if she doesn’t notice at all?

Just a text along the lines of that you’d like to go out again on your own. That you really fancy her and wonder if she feels the same?

User183737 · 26/07/2018 15:59

A lot of straight women flirt. It gets annoying because it is like a game. Either make the move or leave it.

Original poster
pippyo33 · 26/07/2018 16:25

Yeah I'm going to take the direct approach.
We've spoke about previous history before,she had a bad breakup with ex.
I've said to mutual friend "oh he is cute " when we've been out so she deffo wouldn't work out I fancy her if I don't tell her.
Even if she likes me ,she won't make a move will she?
It's up to me.

OP posts:
User183737 · 26/07/2018 16:31

She needs a sign as its hard for gay women to find someone, you need to make it clear. It would look bad on her otherwise. Honestly, you'll be fine. Just give enough that she knows and that will be enough believe me x

QueenofmyPrinces · 26/07/2018 16:58

I’ve sort of been in this situation where we both liked each other but neither of us had ever been with a woman before.

We had an instant connection, there was flirting and I was incredibly attracted to her. It was the first time I had ever been attracted to a woman.

We had a mutual acquaintance, she told him she fancied me, he then told me, I said I fancied her too and he arranged for us to get together just the two of us.

It was incredibly awkward because we both knew we fancied each other but we were both straight - it was really strange.

We overcame it by drinking a LOT of wine and letting our drunkenness lead the way Grin

velourvoyageur · 26/07/2018 18:33

'actually do you fancy making it just the two of us on Sat, as in a date?'

don't need passionate declarations (in fact pls avoid! no offence to PP), it's just dinner to see if you click romantically, just chill. and enjoy it, dating women is fab! Have confidence, because nothing you're doing is bizarre. It's literally just two people going on a date.

I'm gay, I wouldn't be put off by a woman having slept with men before (I have as have most lesbians) and can't think of any LGB friends of mine that would have the slightest problem with it either. And I never assume anyone is straight ;)

Kittykat93 · 26/07/2018 19:13

I agree with the above poster, I'd send a text along those lines !!

Lottapianos · 26/07/2018 19:21

'actually do you fancy making it just the two of us on Sat, as in a date?'

I agree, this sounds great. V excited for you OP

delphguelph · 26/07/2018 19:23

That text but don't say 'as in a date'

category12 · 26/07/2018 19:29

Keep the 'as in a date' part. Then it's totally clear and you both know what's what. Take out the guesswork.

User183737 · 26/07/2018 19:33

Keep the 'as in a date'

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.