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Original poster

I find a woman attractive .....do I tell her?

291 replies

pippyo33 · 23/07/2018 19:23

I'm 33.
I've always had relationships with men.
About a year and a half ago I started liking a woman (she's my friends friend).
We've had a few weekends away (the 3 of us) she is great.
I've found myself thinking of her non stop.
I thought maybe it was a crush but I still feel the same 1 1/2 years later.
She invited me to her sisters birthday party (we didn't know each well then )
She has asked me what type of person I like and what personality I go for.
I think we have flirted.
But as far as she's concerned I'm straight.
Would you even say anything?

OP posts:
Original poster
pippyo33 · 27/07/2018 22:43

My friend did say "she's not as psycho now and has calmed down"
Which makes me think she could be prone to jealousy /clingyness ..so you never know might not last again.

OP posts:
Original poster
pippyo33 · 27/07/2018 22:44

It was years ago and a bad breakup ..not sure why she's gone back there again Confused

OP posts:
THEsonofaBITCH · 27/07/2018 22:49

*They are back together^
I don't know how you know so going to second guess, mightn't they merely be friends with benefits?

keepingbees · 27/07/2018 23:10

Did she reply to your text?
It's possible it's just a casual thing because she's lonely... I wouldn't rule anything out anyway. But I do think you need to lay your cards on the table about your feelings sooner rather than later.

YettaTessieMarmelstein · 28/07/2018 00:24

Has she replied, OP? If she does to confirm things, you could send a flirty
“well, if you’re ever single...;)”

onemorecupofcoffeefortheroad · 28/07/2018 00:29

Or maybe you see this as an indicator that you’re not as straight as you think you are and you use it as an opportunity to explore a little.
There may be many other women out there similar to your crush who you would be attracted to.

THEsonofaBITCH · 28/07/2018 12:32

Or maybe you see this as an indicator that you’re not as straight as you think you are and you use it as an opportunity to explore a little.
There may be many other women out there similar to your crush who you would be attracted to.

Ohhh, OP I think a possible hint to ask onemorecup out?! Grin

(absolutely no offense intended if not onemoreup)

Original poster
pippyo33 · 28/07/2018 15:02

Well they are 100% back together.
My friend,my crush ,the girl and another girl are out today ..just been looking at Snapchat's.
My friend just posted one of the two of them saying "the happy couple"

I'm sat in the house feeling really sad.
Honestly every time I like someone,I can never have them.
Ever !

OP posts:
Original poster
pippyo33 · 28/07/2018 15:03

My friend asked me to meet up with them ..
I really couldn't
Seeing them together would make me feel a bit down.
Trying really hard not to view their Snapchat story's

OP posts:
velourvoyageur · 28/07/2018 15:27

Aw OP Sad
I'm sorry!
Wallow for a bit but then draw a line. It's not going to happen for now. Go out with other friends, honestly, distract yourself. And yeah don't torture yourself by looking at photos of them together!
Could you tell your friend how you feel so she's a bit more discreet with the invites/pictures?

Original poster
pippyo33 · 28/07/2018 15:31

I'm deffo not going to tell my friend now as I know it would give her amusement and she might rub it in my face.
Friend just sent snap and they aren't holding hands...
I'm going to read into everything now aren't I
I'm sat seething in jealousy and I hate it.
Did I do the right thing not going today?

OP posts:
ravenmum · 28/07/2018 15:34

Ah, shit. Bad luck. If you had got a date with her, though, it would have been rubbish anyway, as she obviously wasn't over her ex.

Original poster
pippyo33 · 28/07/2018 15:56

Do you think she must have still had feelings for her to get back with her 5 years later?
Or maybe lonely ?

OP posts:
hamsterwheel · 28/07/2018 15:58

I would still message her, nothing ventured nothing gained.....

niketrainersarecomfy · 28/07/2018 16:56

Yes op of course she must. Would you date an ex from 5 years ago? I wouldnt x

keepingbees · 28/07/2018 17:07

I would wait to hear it from her herself. Your friend might be getting ahead of herself.

boxoftoads · 28/07/2018 17:15

Tell her you like her Smile

Go on.

velourvoyageur · 28/07/2018 18:02

Well the girlfriend's done nothing wrong, so tbh I personally wouldn't tell her that as could/would be construed as you coming onto her partner...
(With all respect, this board is full of people wondering why an OW would have so little empathy as to go after their partner - it's the same whatever the sexuality involved.)

THEsonofaBITCH · 28/07/2018 19:16

You still don't know anything direct only third hand. I would still pass on Queen's message of "I heard you were back with your ex and here I was thinking of asking you on a date! Let me know if things change." Its direct, not interfering in her relationship if there is one, and explains your obtuse texts up to now and lets her know with zero uncertainty how you feel. Then you can move on one way or the other without the jealousy and unknowing. Best of luck, I still love a good love story!

FrozenMargarita17 · 28/07/2018 20:03

Oh no that's such a shame OP! I've lurked and I was rooting for you

Chocolatecoffeeaddict · 28/07/2018 20:35

Its probably not the right thing to do as it could put her in an awkward position, but I'd be inclined to still say something.
You'll have it off your chest and at least then she knows and she can do what she wants with that knowledge. If she's staying with the ex long term then you'll have to respect that and try and move on.

coolwalking · 28/07/2018 21:13

Sorry this has happened OP.

Firstly, send the text - she'll either take it as a joke and think you're being sweet. Or she'll start to piece together that you have feelings for her. She's unlikely to say anything.

Secondly, she probably has got back with ex as there isn't exactly plenty of fish when it comes to lesbian dating.

Thirdly, if the wheels do come off this relationship DO NOT be a shoulder to cry on. Do fun things with her instead and eventually you could tell her more firmly how you feel.

Are you still going to hang out with her on Sarurday? I wasn't sure if it was today......

Original poster
pippyo33 · 28/07/2018 21:27

Gave in and watched the Snapchat's
They are both drunk and dancing with each other,happy smiley pics too.
The woman seems really fun and pretty.
Very very jealous
Don't think il bother saying anything now just see what happens.
If they do split and I still feel the same then say something.
I really wouldn't put myself in the position to be hurt and rejected when I didn't need too.

OP posts:
niketrainersarecomfy · 28/07/2018 22:14

No. And you would be now, i dont know why posters are still pushing you to tell her. That is for their need for an answer, not yours. You will make yourself look an idiot and guarantee rejection, so its cruel to say otherwise.
Tbh anyone who paraded their social life on snapchat would be an instant no from me anyway. Unnecessary. But sorry for you x

Moononthehill28 · 28/07/2018 22:18

My thoughts too. The whole Snapchat thing sounds a bit narcissistic and immature really.

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