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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Anonymous letter

275 replies

Summertime54 · 21/07/2018 22:22

I have received an anonymous letter through the post. It was addressed incorrectly but the letter stated that my partner is having an affair and that they didn't want me to be the last to find out about it. Where do I start with this? Believe it and investigate further? Ignore it? Confront him? Any advice would be appreciated Smile

OP posts:
HettySunshine · 31/07/2018 18:28

Is there anyone who can come and keep you company tonight? You might need some moral support.

Thebluedog · 31/07/2018 19:31

Might be worth just ringing 101 and explaining to them what’s happened and that you are now going to lock him out. So if anything kicks off they will be forewarned

FuckItPassMeTheWine · 31/07/2018 20:00

Yes totally agree with what @thebluedog said . Bag up his stuff and put it outside so he has no need to be requesting entry . Stay safe OP. Can you let your neighbours know so they are also aware? Xx

topsy2tails · 31/07/2018 20:49

Yup 101.
Bastard!

user1483644229 · 31/07/2018 20:59

I think the neighbour that handed the letter to you has seen your partner doing something at your house while your were away and wanted you to know (this him handing a letter to you saying he received it by accident)

YaLoVeras · 31/07/2018 22:08

if that's the case, does the neighbour seem like they are waiting for you to announce something/move out/say something. Or do they really just not know anything. If they had to pretend not to know what was in the letter they might slip up.

confusedmummy76 · 31/07/2018 22:22

Good luck op x

cestlavielife · 31/07/2018 22:32

You should be grateful he didn't punch you ?

If you and he remain same house then be ready to call 999 keep charged mobile in yr pocket
Teach dc how to call 999
he will hurt you or dc nx time....

TomaszIsMineBitch · 31/07/2018 22:51

Definitely call 101 so they are aware of the situation incase it escalates.
He has shown he is an abusive c#*t. Is there anyone who can come and stay with you ?
Do not let him in ! As soon as he starts banging the door call 999.

alphasox · 31/07/2018 22:52

Hope everything is ok this evening?

PotteryLady · 31/07/2018 23:07

Pack his stuff and put it on the door step and call police if he kicks off. Stay strong Biscuit

NicoAndTheNiners · 31/07/2018 23:23

Did he try to get back in? Hope you’re ok.

Original poster
Summertime54 · 01/08/2018 07:35

Thanks, but it didn't really go as expected. He said he would kick the door down, started kicking it. If I'd have called police he would have been in so I just ended up letting him back in and taking the crap (definitely need a new door). Just completely fed up of it now... I dunno why he is so awful.

OP posts:
YaLoVeras · 01/08/2018 07:43

:-/
Damage to door evidence.

Thebluedog · 01/08/2018 07:54

Phone the police, show them the damage to the door and get them to pay him a visit, bag his stuff up and put it outside the door. You’d be surprised just how quickly people back down when confronted by two police officers.

rollingonariver · 01/08/2018 07:55

I think if you're struggling you need to think of how this is affecting your kids. Is this changing what they see as normal for a man, are they sitting in bed scared of daddy?
Leave him and don't allow him to fuck up everything good you have.

hellsbellsmelons · 01/08/2018 08:42

Call the fucking police!!!
Seriously - sorry to sound harsh but you need to get a grip and stop putting up with this.
As soon as he started kicking the door you should have dialed 999.
Now call 101 - right now.
Show them the damage. Tell them you are kicking him out today and they will put you on a priority list.
Please please find some strength.
If not for you then for your poor kids!
Womens Aid can help as well so keep calling them!

northernlites · 01/08/2018 08:55

When he goes to work, call the police and a locksmith and get someone to collect his stuff, not him.
He needs a restraining order which he will likely get following arrest/charge and swift court hearing
Get it done ASAP

SnowyAlps · 01/08/2018 08:58

OP please don't underestimate what your children are picking up on and witnessing. I was one of those children. My memories are clear from when I was 3 onwards. It's really affected me. Please call the police and explain that you want him gone and how he's threatened you, you have two children present and are expecting. Big hug X

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 01/08/2018 09:48

Surely you had expected he wouldn’t have gone quietly Confused
He will never go quietly - this has to end with police.

Original poster
Summertime54 · 01/08/2018 10:03

I don't know what I'm thinking to be honest - I do need to get a grip Confused! I just can't seem to get my head round that there is maybe a need for police involvement, it just doesn't seem bad enough.

OP posts:
VelociraptorRex · 01/08/2018 10:09

OP, I'm so sorry this is happening to you Thanks. At what point do you consider it bad enough to call the police? It is definitely bad enough, next time it might not be he door, it might be your or the DC. You need to do it now, no delaying or second guessing yourself, pick up the phone and do it NOW. Please, and keep letting us know you're ok x

hellsbellsmelons · 01/08/2018 10:38

it just doesn't seem bad enough
Sooo... if a stranger off the street had come round your house and tried to kick your door in - what would you have done?
Let him in??? Had a chat to try to calm him down????
Nope - you would have called the police and had him removed quick sharp.
Why would you treat this abusive prick any differently that you would a stranger who did all this to you?
Please put yourself and your DC first now.
Not this prick!

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 01/08/2018 10:38

it just doesn't seem bad enough

Fuck that, it is definitely bad enough. Do you want him kicking YOU like that next time? Sorry to be harsh but this is a reality. You are in danger. Please take a photo of the door and call 101 NOW.

You owe this to yourself and your DC.

Mmer · 01/08/2018 11:22

Can a family member help you? Your child is not safe. You are not safe. You think this behaviour is normal, but it is not. Tell a family member about the abuse. You need help with this.