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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Anonymous letter

275 replies

Summertime54 · 21/07/2018 22:22

I have received an anonymous letter through the post. It was addressed incorrectly but the letter stated that my partner is having an affair and that they didn't want me to be the last to find out about it. Where do I start with this? Believe it and investigate further? Ignore it? Confront him? Any advice would be appreciated Smile

OP posts:
Original poster
Summertime54 · 07/08/2018 19:17

Yeah you're right I ended up breaking down to the health visitor. I know it's for the best to get it sorted. I just feel bad getting him into trouble and he says I'm just as bad. Thanks for the advice X

OP posts:
daughterofanarchy · 07/08/2018 21:55

You have done nothing wrong, you deserve to live happy and healthy. I hope things work out for you.

BeachyUmbrella · 09/08/2018 12:08

@Summertime54 I hope the Health Visitor was helpful. Most are trained to spot signs of DV and help the mother to contact the right people.... how pregnant are you?

Original poster
Summertime54 · 09/08/2018 20:39

Well thank you so much everyone for your kind advice over the last couple of weeks. Last night it all sunk in, he went too far. I can't take it any more and the kids deserve so much better. He's just left, hopefully there will be no trouble later on. Not sure what to feel now. Thanks again x

OP posts:
BeachyUmbrella · 09/08/2018 21:00

Thanks I'm pleased he's finally gone. You e done so well... I really hope it's peaceful over the next couple of days.

Sisterlove · 09/08/2018 21:10

Tell your employers what you're going through, so they can understand and empathise.

They may also be able to provide support.

bethy15 · 10/08/2018 08:32

Well done Summer, hopefully he will stay away and you can get on with your life.

Stay safe. I doubt he'll take this calmly. But know you can call the police if you feel threatened by him.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 10/08/2018 09:45

Good for you Summertime54 it takes guts to see it through.

I am so glad he has gone. Did you get much sleep? I hope he doesn't cause trouble and you and the kids can move on to happier and more peaceful times. Flowers

Starlight345 · 10/08/2018 10:12

Op . You need to go to the police , logging it will help protect your children.

Call the police if he turns up .

Expect how he approaches you to fluctuate , his aim will be to aim to get back in the position you have been for years.

Don’t invite him to antenatal appointments .

You are vulnerable do speak to wa. Refuse calls at work

Original poster
Summertime54 · 10/08/2018 11:01

I'm going to take DC away again for the weekend while he packs. Do you think that's a bad idea? I worry now he will be there when I get back.

He really lost it the other night and the kids were there, I feel like an awful mum. He wants to arrange seeing them but I'm putting it off. Just no idea what's best.

OP posts:
GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 10/08/2018 11:04

Yes, go away for the weekend. Also as suggested above log this with the police on 101. You can just say that you've asked him to leave, have given him a deadline of Sunday evening but you're worried that he won't have gone. You can ask for them to be there or outside.

Once you are away, text him and in no uncertain terms tell him that he has until whatever o'clock on Sunday to vacate with his possessions and that the police have been informed.

Try and have a nice weekend. At least you'll have some headspace.

Original poster
Summertime54 · 10/08/2018 11:57

Thank you, I'm trying so hard to stick it out. He's calling me and messaging me saying that he's going to have to sleep on the streets and that I've left with nothing. Why do I feel so bad?

OP posts:
GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 10/08/2018 12:00

Why do I feel so bad?

Because he is emotionally blackmailing you and because you're a decent person so he knows how to tug at your heartstrings. This is emotional abuse at its finest.

DO NOT FALL FOR IT.

Of course he can find somewhere to stay for a couple of nights. Either way, not your problem. Stick it out.

bethy15 · 10/08/2018 12:38

I would say go away.

But what I might do is pack him up now, and then change the locks.

There's every possibility he'll be there when you get back, so report everything to the police now, and then everything is logged.

Do you have a friend or family member who you can rely on who can 'house sit' for the weekend to ensure he leaves before you're back home?

Original poster
Summertime54 · 10/08/2018 19:16

Yep he's definitely trying he's just asked if he can come in and have some food as he hasn't eaten since yesterday. He's completely messing with my head.

OP posts:
MarchingOrders · 10/08/2018 20:05

Think of all the nasty things he's done to you, you don't owe him anything.

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 10/08/2018 21:03

Donmt fall for it. A friend of mine.kicked out (finally) her weed smoking cock lodger who used toninsult her vagine that it was too big. Nothing to do with the fact that he couldn’t get it up due to weed at 23 years old. Anywho - after she said enough is enough he started calling her saying he missed the food and the cigarettes! Not her - the stuff she provided him with. He was cold and hungry and without home comforts on friend’s sofa. Bull. Shit. He big boy - he get food himself.

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 10/08/2018 21:04

Apologies for typos! Your last post made me angry (with him!).

roundsquareround · 10/08/2018 21:14

Block his fucking number until you feel stronger. You really need someone in real life to hold your hand.,

bethy15 · 10/08/2018 21:28

Is he there? Do not let him in.

As PP says, block his number, you need to stay safe, if he lost his temper the other night, he could any time.

Please inform the police of everything that's happened, they'll take you very seriously and help where they can.

Again, stay safe.

Original poster
Summertime54 · 10/08/2018 23:29

Yeah he's outside, hes been trying to say that he's going for councelling and will change. He's never been near another woman he didn't mean to scare me the other night he just panicked as my DC had hurt himself. He only shouted for me to get away because he was trying to see to him. I told his family about him and they won't let him stay with them and he's got no one.

If I let him in he won't hurt me/shout/speak to other women and he will really help me. Hmmm....

OP posts:
Labradoodliedoodoo · 10/08/2018 23:48

STay strong

Glaciferous · 10/08/2018 23:49

Do not let him in! Call the police and tell them your ex is harassing you and that you are afraid he will become violent.

timeisnotaline · 10/08/2018 23:53

Don’t let him in. Call the police , that will help your resolve and help him realise he can’t talk you back into being an abused doormat.

CryptoFascist · 11/08/2018 04:34

How's it going? I hope you didn't let him in. Please look after yourself, he's not a safe person to have around you.

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