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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Anonymous letter

275 replies

Summertime54 · 21/07/2018 22:22

I have received an anonymous letter through the post. It was addressed incorrectly but the letter stated that my partner is having an affair and that they didn't want me to be the last to find out about it. Where do I start with this? Believe it and investigate further? Ignore it? Confront him? Any advice would be appreciated Smile

OP posts:
roundsquareround · 11/08/2018 05:00

Oh ffs you know exactly what he's like but yet you still make excuses for him. Unfollowing this now as it's to frustrating!!

rainbowstardrops · 11/08/2018 07:32

I have just re-read most of your posts on this thread OP and I hope to God, you didn't let him back in.
I have a horrible feeling you did though

Ibelieveinkarma · 11/08/2018 17:50

I'm also assuming you've not got rid of the waste of space OP. If you haven't then you should really ask yourself why YOU are allowing your children to live in an abusive home.

Original poster
Summertime54 · 11/08/2018 18:13

He did come in last night to get his stuff together, I've gone away today so I called the police and if he's not out by tomorrow night they will remove him.

OP posts:
GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 11/08/2018 19:17

Well done you. Honestly, it takes bravery to end it with an abuser. You ROCK!

HettySunshine · 12/08/2018 09:45

How are you doing this morning Summer? I hope you've had a nice peaceful night xx

Original poster
Summertime54 · 12/08/2018 11:22

I did thanks lovely. Just a bit nervous for tonight. I just hope he's left. The police know and said they will assist if necessary. I just need to pull myself together and stop being such an emotional wreak. I can't thank you all enough for your advice and support it really has pushed me in the right direction.

OP posts:
MarchingOrders · 13/08/2018 07:43

Hope you're okay Thanks

HettySunshine · 13/08/2018 10:20

How did it go my dear? Been thinking about you.

Itsseweasy · 13/08/2018 20:52

How are you OP? I hope he took his stuff and went peacefully?

Original poster
Summertime54 · 13/08/2018 21:08

Aww thanks. After him begging for me to forgive him, saying he had nowhere to go and that he would be on the streets etc - he went!! He's not taken any of his stuff yet though as he still has it in his head that I'm going to forgive him and take him back. I'm such a mess today though. Just hope I can get back to normal.

OP posts:
GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 13/08/2018 22:20

Stand your ground. I know it's hard but you have come so far. I am proud of you.

Feckers2018 · 13/08/2018 23:08

Maybe he doesn't need much stuff at his OW's. Bet there's more than one.
Get rid. Pretend to yourself its just for a while so that you can do it. Then you will have some time to process how abusive he is.

Original poster
Summertime54 · 14/08/2018 07:39

I am very much going to try. He wants me to take him back or he will put in a statement about me being abusive. Don't feel like I can win.

OP posts:
hairymoragthebampot · 14/08/2018 07:42

Your last post would rubber stamp the reason you need to not take this man back. He is now threatening to report you to the police saying your abusive! Stay strong and ignore his threats

Cuttingthegrass · 14/08/2018 08:10

He is an abusive bully. Please try and speak to women's aid or one of the other links MN provided.

He will NOT change but will continue this vicious cycle which demeans your self esteem and is damaging your DC. Be strong. And you will then be happy. Just think no more trying to keep the peace. No more fear. No more being late for work. No more being his doormat. Flowers

Strawberrybelly · 14/08/2018 08:11

Keep strong and keep him out. Have you reported him to the police about the abuse? If not you need to or he will get unsupervised access to your children. Think about that for a minute. If you try to say he can't because he's abusive they will ask where the proof is. You need to do this for their sakes.

sodabreadjam · 14/08/2018 11:30

He says he is going to report you as abusive but he wants to come back and live with you and is using the threat of reporting you to make you cave in. That doesn't make sense. The police will be used to this sort of nonsense. Let them know he is trying to blackmail you.

CaledonianQueen · 14/08/2018 12:10

The police won’t believe a word he says! He is just being his usual bullying self, trying to threaten you into taking him back! I would not be allowing him in your house again! I would also tell him to take you to court for access. I would be aiming for contact to be in a contact centre!

I know you have said that you have no family, or friends, you must have had prior to meeting your partner. I would try to contact them, try to get out to toddler groups and make friends with other school Mums! I would talk to your neighbours if they are nice and warn them that this is happening. It may help to have neighbours who will come over and wait with you whilst he demands in again.

Gemini69 · 14/08/2018 12:13

so he's emotionally blackmailing you now ... nice Hmm

what a Dick.. report his threats to the Police...

Original poster
Summertime54 · 14/08/2018 14:33

The thing is, I don't feel like I have any evidence. The doors now a bit broken, but I never documented anything. Now I go to the police about him threatening me after this whole letter thing, does it just look like I've gone over the top about a supposed affair?! When I called the police they were a bit funny about coming to assist to remove him. After his last outburst I've done my best not to speak to him but he wants to see the kids, he always seemed like a good dad but after the other evening and when he screamed at me in front of them and wouldn't let me anywhere near my DS to check if he was ok after he hurt himself I'm very concerned.

OP posts:
Gemini69 · 14/08/2018 14:55

Please don't let him back into your lives Flowers

Bekabeech · 14/08/2018 19:59

Have you spoken to Women's Aid?

When you contact the police ask for the Domestic Abuse officers.
Shouting in front of your DC is abuse to them.

Cloudyapples · 15/08/2018 22:10

A good dad does not treat their dc’s mother the way he treats you op. You are a good mum, and you know that letting him back in is damaging to your kids. You don’t want them to grow up thinking this is a normal relationship and that it’s ok to treat people the way he does. It might not seem like it now, but things will get easier. You and your kids deserve a happy and calm home - dont let him spoil it by manipulating you. You’re doing so well.

Cloudyapples · 15/08/2018 22:12

Also if you haven’t already then get the locks changed.

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