Dating Thread 137 – Sausage Party at the SUC

[Kinunir]

Dating Thread 137 – Sausage Party at the SUC

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

bendy The thread title is Sausage party at the SUC (Sluts United Club) which does sound like the title of a porn film. Or maybe it's the hot weather and my mind is full of filth and I reading too much into that.

I don’t actually remember the two married men conversation val, and regardless of whether other posters act shittily with other people in real life, that’s beside the point. And a straw man conversation.

Whilst it’s great that you met Kin and went to a gig together and got on as friends, that’s all lovely. I went to the wedding of a former thread poster last summer. I spent New Year’s Eve with another one. I regularly meet with them, in fact there are several groups of posters who meet up and go on holiday together. However, we’ve never dated, it’s alsways been very clear that we weren’t planning to date, and even if we fancied each other we never would - Because of the rule. Which allowed open conversation between friends without any nagging doubts about whether this would lead to anything.

The point is, that the dating rule is to prevent the small number of vulnerable people from being preyed upon, and also to prevent the inevitable ‘he said/she said’ fallout when things go wrong. It’s to protect the thread for all posters.

I have no problem with people being as flirty in private, or as open in public as they want to.

I just don’t see why someone would remove that rule without a reason to do so, which changes the nature of the thread, with no open discussion with others.

It’s like finding out from a doctor that it’s okay, they’re allowed to date patients now, just after you’ve turned up for an examination.

You may be fine with that, but others aren’t.

oops, been out all day.

i’ve been a member of this thread for a year, but only recently have i been opening it, reading the posts and not wanting to contribute. i have noticed a lot of old/regular posters have stopped posting, even though they are still single.

a joke here and there is fine but pages and pages of sex jokes, unfunny pictures and innuendos are just a bit much. i understand it provides some fun for some posters but its excluding alot of people, even the title of this thread is quite crass. it doesnt feel inclusive of everyone anymore and that was the great thing about this thread!

if any posters have made friends from this thread then maybe take the chat elsewhere? that way theres no divide.

@ValMc1

So, you're basically saying, if you don't like it, fuck off?

Van - where did I say that ? Can we now get back to enjoying this thread and the tangled webs our lives weave? Please?

Bendy Biddy and Bant Thanks! It was two different guys, to be fair, after sending a bit of a snotty message to the one tonight he did reply and apologise and I’ll give him a second chance. I just mark it all down to experience. Can’t believe someone was stood up twice on the same day!!

I’ve got another date on Thursday, if he stands me up I’m going back into my darkened corner!!

biddylee the title is just a joke! It comes from a post on the previous thread iirc.

There are lots of jokes. OLD is full of stresses and rejections and frustrations. You've got to laugh, or you cry, right? Well, not me but some people take things to heart a lot.

There has been some humour lately. I've been on incarnations of this thread for 6 weeks and not come across some of the people objecting to it until now.

Anyway, can't we all just get on, tolerate our differences, stop complaining and find a sense of humour?

@ValMc1 "As my lovely old mum used to say - if you can't say something nice, say nothing!"

'Saying nothing' on a discussion board is basically fucking off, isn't it. I mean, if you can't join in unless you're 'in' the clique and think photos of boxes of condoms are hilarious, then piss off. It's more or less what's being said.

That post wasn't all for you biddylee ! Sorry I should have name checked others.

halfdutch I know sometimes people get nervous and bail. I waited for over half an hour the other day for a 'not date' although I think it might have been a 'size each other up' kinda thing. He did turn up , just had problems with parking.

It would be bad luck if a third stood you up but no reflection on who you are. :)

^bant nobody to my knowledge is dating and ghosting each other. And biddylee this is not a thread about sex, it's about dating. There has just been some lighthearted, good natured banter to keep our spirits up.

I've been through some shit in my life. But I refuse to be considered a victim or vulnerable. As. woman, I am empowered by the friendship and support of posters on this thread. That's what we should be focussing on.

As I said, with all best wishes, the delicate flowers and the thread police can stay or start another thread. If MNHQ want to rename this one, so be it.^

What she said

Van no and if you think profanity makes you look big - it don't!

Anyways, I'll report back about my date tonight. Mr Dimples was funny, had a nice charisma about him and a passion for his career. Talked a lot about himself, so I hardly got a word in. Also spent time checking out my body (visually) which I'm not sure how I feel about. Flattered? Creeped out? idk. He proper looked me up and down a few times. Seemed to approve!! lol

Obviously I looked at him too, but I'm more subtle with the side glance! He has a fit body.

We spent time commuting together which was weird, as he gets the same train as me. Had a brief kiss goodbye and agreed to meet again. Not sure how this one with pan out. Likely not a keeper, but I'll try him on for size.

HalfDutch that's rubbish! But no reflection on you remember that! I'm meant to be on a date tomorrow with MrNextdoor but he's gone very quiet on me so I'm half expecting it not to happen! I'll message him tomorrow but if not - onwards and upwards!

Tomorrow is another day in the OLD world

Respectfully, wishy, I disagree. And I do mean respectfully.

You may not consider yourself vulnerable, and not a victim. That’s great.

But I’ve been on and off here for several years. And people come on here who are vulnerable. In tears, having been rejected again. Aghast at the thought of getting back onto OLD because a bloke they slept with and trusted said they were fat and dumped them.

And the thread massive will support them, and tell them it’s not her, it’s him, and she’ll post about this lovely bloke she once met who said he liked her eyes, or they both had a common interest in French literature or whatever, and then he disappeared. And then someone will start sending them messages weeks later and talk about his love for moliere or Proust, and then meet her, and then as it turns out also be messaging someone else. And he sleeps with both of them, and both of them come back on here saying they were heartbroken all over again.

Granted, you’re not in that position. Neither am I. I bloody hate moliere.

But other people are. Which is why there is the Rule.

And the fact that Kin just deliberately dropped it without discussion implies that he wants to ignore it. Which I think is wrong, because while you may not be vulnerable, other people are

I lurk on here from time to time.

Don't fight amongst yourselves when the bloke responsible has responded in the typical cowardly fashion of pissing off.

Personally when it's reached comments about flicking beans and liquids dribbling on chins, it's grim. It's become a harem with a man in charge of it, naming it a sluts club?

Would you let a man message you like that over OLD? That you hadn't met?

Bendy no probs

I saw where title came from - I think it's great that a whole bunch of you are exploring sexual freedom! More of that stuff! (But maybe on the sex forum cos at the end of the day it is a different ball game).

Well done on date - not sure about sharing the commute bit. Doesn't sound like a keeper - but could be nerves?

Val This article is ace and may be of interest.

advantagesofage.com/love/sex/how-the-hell-did-i-get-into-a-committed-relationship-at-60/

exactly baum

ive mentioned it before but being in my 20s, i dont want to be around men in their 40s (and women) making comments/jokes like that.

i dont care if that makes me “uptight”. i have a great sense of humour, but i found none of those jokes funny and the general tone of the last thread made me particularly uncomfortable.

sex jokes with strangers isnt exactly the
height of comedy.

You are not uptight. This is a dating support thread. Not a stroke my fragile male ego support group.

All I'll add is it's clear why he's single.

As you were

If anyone here wants to stroke my fragile male ego, I’d love it.

But I still wouldn’t date you. No offence :)

@esk1mo
@Baumederose

Completely agree! Felt really uncomfortable

Hello bant

There was a wave but it didn't wave fgs

I am starting to think I am unsuited to online dating. All my long relationships I have known the people for ages before going out. This meet someone once or twice and decide whether it's a thing is too much for me.

Had a lovely date, this man was a male embodiment of me. Could see myself going out with him and enjoying myself- lovely self aware guy but did he make my heart sing, probably not. It's so tough this stuff.

^I lurk on here from time to time.

Don't fight amongst yourselves when the bloke responsible has responded in the typical cowardly fashion of pissing off.

Personally when it's reached comments about flicking beans and liquids dribbling on chins, it's grim. It's become a harem with a man in charge of it, naming it a sluts club?

Would you let a man message you like that over OLD? That you hadn't met?^

With all due respect @Baumederose I've had far worse messages from men on OLD and I've rolled my eyes, laughed in pity at them and continued on my day. I don't find it offensive or degrading especially coming from someone who in the context of the conversation at that time, clearly meant it as a joke.

@Bant re the rule thing, I wasn't referring to that as such, sorry. I hadn't even noticed that it had been changed/ removed I was only pointing out that the slut comment thing was actually a little joke between a few of us women and we weren't just being branded sluts by the big bad man on the thread.

Anyway, I'd personally just like to keep hearing how everyone's getting on with their OLD experiences and enjoying the conversation, whatever tone it presents itself in, along with receiving the lovely support and advice I have so far.