Dating Thread 137 – Sausage Party at the SUC

[Kinunir]

Dating Thread 137 – Sausage Party at the SUC

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Take time out, find yourself, rediscover your valuable qualities and have fun Love - don’t rush in to anything else until you know you are totally ready and on the right emotional level or you’ll just end up with another like home.

him*

Thanks Kin I’m going to do that. I’m going to enjoy the rest of the summer holidays with my dd’s, enjoy going out with friends and doing my hobbies. I will stay on POF but won’t be putting any effort into it for a while, unless some one really amazing messages me I don’t think I can face going on a date for a while.

Love after I had some shit with Mr French (remember him, was a head fuck). I deleted tinder and hooked up much more on my terms with ex FWB (which is going really well), and thought I would just see how things go instead. I have had the best few months, spending time with the kids, friends, family and keeping myself as busy as possible. I haven't had the urge to go back on OLD since. I also have noticed more "real life" options.

I think once we feel like we really need a man in our lives, we deal with things differently than we do if all other aspects are good and going well. You sound very sociable, fun and smart. If I were you I would step right away from OLD, enjoy the rest of the summer, call your FWB if you need too. I bet you someone will crop up and you will feel more secure and less likely to over ananlyse things.

Remember it says more about him than it does about you.

Hi again runs good to see you back, fabulous at 50 :) :0 :)

Thanks Pudding your right. I think OLD is just too stressful and becomes addictive (takes up too much head space). I’m going to meet up with my FWB after my holiday, he is moving away in a few weeks so won’t be around much longer. I also have a few small trips booked with friends. Since seeing Mr Camper I have lost passion for one of my hobbies, I need to get back into it as it keeps me busy and I often meet new people through it.

Hello thread! I was on the dating threads back in 2012/13 - met a chap on date number two and we were together for three years. Absolutely not interested in anything other than prioritising DS since that ended as his dad had started a new relationship and it was a confusing time for my little guy with house moves and new step siblings moving in. All seems settled with them now and so I’m strapping in for another round of OLD as I had a bit of interest (not reciprocated by me) IRL and it kind of woke me from my celibate slumber.

Have been messaging two men, but really rusty at this malarkey. Is the norm now to have short instant messenger type conversations on the app rather than longer, more in depth chats? Both have asked to meet so I will be able to judge in person at the weekend (assuming they don’t cancel before then) but it feels that OLD has evolved in the 5.5 years I have been offline. My ex and I had long messages on the app for a few days, then moved to email and met up after about a week of correspondence.

My instinct says be myself and just write how I do normally, but are the message function on the apps more like whatsapp sort of chit chat, one liners now? Or have I just been talking to very short winded, concise men?!

Registered for OLD again on Bumble and POF with a new account after what must be a good 9 months of keeping away from it all.

I've used a pretty selfie plus a recent unflattering photo of me doing sport because you can see my entire body in it and work out what my shape is. (Should manage expectations, right?) I think the unflattering photo is fairly representative. I've thrown in another unflattering photo into Bumble, and to make it even more realistic, it's a no-make up one. I've also got one photo with specs and one without on Bumble, as I can look quite different. (You can't say I'm not being honest!) I feel less comfortable about putting lots of photos on POF though - too public.

Someone has contacted me on POF who seems "nice" and I swear he's previously messaged me. I can't remember if I entered into an exchange of messages with him or ignored him - I definitely didn't meet him. I feel as "meh" about him now as I did the first time round... He must have had the same photos for at least a year - I bet they weren't even recent at the time - it's one thing staying on OLD for so long, but do people not do anything new?

I see some familiar names here. Must have a read back to update myself as to who's still here, who's new and what's going on. Quick straw poll: how shit is dating at the moment? Everyone happy enough or has anyone had any disasters lately?

saint I think a lot of people don't want to over invest too soon so don't send long messages. I don't any more. Can't see the point. Would rather meet than spend days whatsapping/messaging. Only person I allowed to do longer messages with ended up standing me up (unless he really was ill but I doubt it). I didn't care because I wasn't invested but tbh if I had stuck to my rule of shorter messages I would have given even less shits lol

Thanks, daffo. And if you’re asked a direct question like “what’s it like living in Z-town?” would you just be “yeah, I like it, loads to do” or a longer answer? Anyway, kids and jobs mean meeting up can only happen at weekends so is relative radio silence the norm until the actual first meeting?

Saint there are no rules or right and wrong. It's all down to individual style, preference and approach.

Just be yourself, message as much or as little as you want and don't stress or overthink.

Yay! Only need to go in the office today and then I can get back to dating again 😂

Already got one for tomorrow, now sitting next to my boss, showing him how I’m trying to set up more #topboss

saint I try not to get too personal. The minute you are personal, you get involved. It's difficult though. I might ask how long someone has lived where they are or how long divorced. Most people will give a factual answer. The temptation is to go into a long story etc. It's very easy to break this rule and do long messaging but I do think it's a mistake till you know you're compatible! But each to their own....

daffo for me, messaging and talking prior to meeting is part of how I see IF we are compatible. I don't load everything on the first date, because that is a tiny snapshot of someone. I find that I can winkle out pink and red flags via text chat and save myself a whole load of time on dates with people who are unsuitable.

It is more efficient for me, because I've usually got a very good idea we will get on by the time we meet up. The worst dates I've had are where we went very quickly from first message to meet.

Messaged one guy, he wanted to meet up this afternoon, I suggested tomorrow and he went quiet. I wasn't really feeling 100% about meeting him so I might not reply even if he does. You know how sometimes you think there's every chance you'll have lots of long, interesting conversations and at other times, you begin to feel doubtful if you can sustain a series of texts with that person let alone a whole coffee?

Oh, bum. He's just replied with a time. Part of me thinks, get back on the horse. The other thinks, I'm not really feeling it...

I get that Bendy but I think a lot of people are not very wordy. One of my best relationships was with a bloke who was useless on text so I tend not to weed them out on that level (though on plenty of other levels lol!). I think you can get a feeling from messages but I have also noticed that a lot of men aren't engaging that way any more - think a few have been stung. I went out with someone last week who said a woman drew him in for almost a week then started spamming him with fake web addresses. He's not the first person to tell me that so I think there must be a glut of fake women out there at the moment (funnily enough I've not heard many women complain about totally fake men though Mr Music should probably sit in that category, though I suspect he is real just useless!).

Eh up. Hey Pud and Pringle

Definitely meeting Herr Flick, sometime week after next as conflicting schedules (dahling) though I’m still a bit meh re his lack of wheels.
Chatting to another bloke but a) too young and b) ALSO doesn’t drive. I love cars, I love driving, what insane dating juju IS this????

Loaded up Bumble today and I’ve got 3 matches so far, but I can confidently predict none of them will reply to my finely honed and excrutiatingly witty initial messages. When I can be arsed to craft them.

Bendy I need the words too. Lots and lots of lovely correctly spelled words, with grammar and syntax and all put together in funny, slightly sarky sentences. Total knicker dropper (after at least 5 dates and a CRB check) that.
I’m put off by rubbish usernames too. There really is very little hope for me.....

Just finishing work but then I have done marvellous screenshots of message fuckwittery to share later 👍🏻

Some. Not done.

Who’s starting the new thread? With Rule 10 back looks at Kin

I’m a good boy me 😇

cover Yes yes yes to the words! I get the CRB check but 5 dates? I'm a happy slut at 2 or 1 if it feels right

daffo If they don't want to chat to me before insisting I meet them, then bye bye from me. It feels rushed, coercive and a waste of my time. But each to their own!

Bendy yeah, it takes me a while these days. I don’t necessarily subscribe to the 3 date rule, or that all men think less of you if you DTD on date 1 (I was under a guy within 6 hours of making his acquaintance and reader, I married him. And divorced him as he was an alcoholic wife beater, but that’s a whole other story) but I like the build up/anticipation (before a first time at most things, not just sex) and for me that takes a good few meetings. A phrase I like to use is “you can only sate a whetted appetite”

In fact it can take quite a few meetings for me to know whether I want to go there or not; I went on 6 dates with the last guy I saw more than once as I was kind of trying to work out if I was going to fancy him enough to. Turns out I wasn’t 🙄

Horses for courses, innit?

Bendy you’ll love this one. It’s like a Joyceian stream of consciousness. To be fair, he had me at “carvery”

There was an article somewhere last week

Average 6/7 times to know if he really is the one

Average of 1 time to know if he isn't

That's pretty much true for me I would say (maybe a bit longer than 6/7 but fair dos!)

My last relationship (Mr Yowzer, as some of you may recall) had the worst first time sex I’ve ever had. Srsly. By the end of it it was the best I’ve had. But we’d first met at 16, so throw in all the mid life crisis and nostalgia and forbidden love and secrecy and all that shite, and it was bound to be made up of extremes.
Eh, I could write a book......