Dating Thread 137 – Sausage Party at the SUC

[Kinunir]

Dating Thread 137 – Sausage Party at the SUC

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

im going to hazard a guess and say this innuendo/sex chat is keeping alot of regular posters away

its a thread about OLD on the relationship board but its quite hard to keep up and join in with all the pretend flirting (or not pretend? )

just my 2 cents

That's great Tom - you made the first move and got a positive response :)

Yes @esk1mo, I agree with you on that!

Hi can I join? My relationship was declared over at the weekend. It's been coming for a long time. A very civilised ending, no bad stuff on either side, I just can't compete with whatever obsession my ex was having. At one time I was the obsession and it was lovely, then it was Tibetan rugs, then Inuit walrus ivory then akanthi stools, then crypto currency and it's currently his mum. Which is right and proper, she's at the end of her life. But there is just no room for me in his.

So back to the drawing board. I've signed up with match and POF. They nearly all look like "have you seen this man" pics from crimewatch, once over 50 they nearly all look the same. And two of them are my across the road neighbours who have been giving me lots more attention since I put up my profile- but they are both bonkers- one is a hoarder of art materials and paintings and printing presses, the other is openly declaring his intention to go back to live in France (he's French). Neither are in the least bit attractive. There's one other ok looking not scary bloke on Match, but I used to work with him 15 years ago and it's too close for comfort too. Ho hum.

Welcome @flamingnoravera

I think it's all about it being a numbers game. Keep ploughing through and swiping! I sound like I'm working for Badoo at the moment the amount I've been promoting them but I've found it's worked best for me! Others have recommended bumble? Although I've not personally got any experience of that one! There's some fab advice on here anyway so hopefully you'll get going with it

Personally I'd just say have fun with it, don't write people off too soon (apart from maybe weird neighbours!) and don't take it to heart. I absolutely hated OLD a few months ago but I'm just beginning to enjoy it now

Found you. Loving the thread title.

Had a nice few hours with Mr Campervan, he took me out for lunch and had MB. Explained to him about the summer holidays situation and told him that I might not be able to do thursadys date unless dd comes along (we had planned a paddleboard game trip and dd is desperate to have a go), he said that he understands that I have kids and they are a part of the package. He was here when dd1 came home from school and he made an effort to talk to her. When we were out for lunch my phone buzzed and he mentioned POF (in joking way) and I told him I’m not on there anymore. He asked if he could come over this Sunday after work (possibly stay over). I wasn’t brave enough to go all in and ask where I stand (if he wants a relationship), I thought no I’m just struggling with issues I have from previous relationships which makes it hard to trust anyone, I want to believe that he’s a nice honest person but something is stopping me, wether it’s my past or my spidery senses I don’t know.

I really want to be in the SUC, to put my eggs in more baskets but I’m not sure I can move my eggs around without feeling bad about it. Someone talk some sense into me.

Ahh love you should do what you feel most comfortable with! I've given up on "love" for now so the SUC suits me just fine but it really depends on what you want.
Mr Campervan sounds great, but it does sound like there's something holding you back?! I'm not too sure what to suggest other than to keep going how you are and hopefully you'll pluck up the courage to ask where he sees things going?

Can I also ask, if I dare, what is MB? I keep seeing it on this thread but I don't know if my dirty mind is giving it a completely different meaning to it's actual one!! Someone enlighten me!

Glad your date went well today love I agree that you should do whatever makes you feel most comfortable. It may help to speak to others so you don't over invest but then again that may not be best for you. I can't seem to speak to more than one person for long. I wouldn't get too hung up on the idea of an official relationship status this early on though provided you are happy and having fun then that is more important. These things do take time. Obviously, you should check that you are both on the same page in respect of exclusivity etc.

love I have never been able to do eggs in more than one basket. I know I'm doing a load of dates this week and next but once that's done, if any of them are suitable I will go forward with one and not the others.

I know other people can juggle and keep it going with many at once but I just can't do that and would rather make 100% effort with one than a partial effort with many.

So don't feel you are alone. Maybe you will feel better if you have that exclusive discussion with him whenever you are ready.

Love it all sounds like it's going in the right direction - if moving your eggs around doesn't feel right for you - don't do it - trust your instincts - fingers crossed. I know it is sometimes hard not to bring previous experiences into a new relationship - I always look on a new one as a blank page waiting to be written on (or not as the case might be).

@esk1mo I agree! And now remember why I stoped reading the other threads!

@Kinunir can I suggest you don't include me in your posts? I find them inappropriate

Ok peeps - let's lighten things up a bit - this thread has helped me to clarify my feelings sometimes - at the end of day this is still on line and I'm sure we all project - let's not forget that it's not real until it happens - onwards and upwards - hugs to everyone x

I haven't posted on here for ages as I'm in a relationship, but I have been reading some of the recent posts and I have to be honest, the removal of the no dating the thread rule, combined with the graphic innuendos is a little unsettling. This needs to be a safe space.

Erm. Why has kinunir unilaterally decided to remove the ‘no dating the thread’ rule?

Whilst also continually posting off colour comments, apparently personally messaging members of the thread, and referring to posters as sluts?

Was there a majority decision to remove the rule so posters are free to chat up other members? As that was done before and if I remember correctly one man aggressively pursued several vulnerable women.

(Hello all by the way. Long time no post)

Sat here in tears after getting the ‘i can’t make it’ text 5 mins before I leave to hon on a first date with someone I’ve been chatting to for a week.

I’ve been stood up at the venue twice

Ghosted twice

Wtf is wrong with me? I’m intelligent, have an awesome job, not bad looking, good banter, blah blah

Never gonna get my membership to SUC at this rate 😔

Haven’t posted much but decided to come back - have been lurking. The ‘I will not over invest’ mantra has been really helpful to me. It’s soooo difficult not to. First iron after marriage was a FWB but I got too attached so had to pull away, had quite a few other dates and did manage to chill out but then met Mr ITGeek. Had several dates, a bit of MB but still not sure where I stand with him. He’s great when we meet but little contact in between so I need to chill out somewhat...
This thread keeps it real for me. Going back to Bumble tonight to try to get a few more matches.

@Bant
Not been on the thread too long so don't want to tread on toes but it just pointing out it wasn't @Kinunir who began referring to "sluts" it was mentioned as a joke by one of the other posters (female) and a few of us other females who are happy to be jokingly referred to as such went along with it.

I appreciate everyone has a different view of humour though so apologies if any of it has caused offence, was only ever light hearted!

No comment on the rule removal thing, haven't got a clue about that one!

Barm there’s nothing wrong with you, the problem is with them. Sadly there are lots of w**kers out there. I have been stood up before, went to meet at a location and they never turned up. I now try and chose a location that I don’t mind going to alone then I am prepared to change plans (eat alone, do activity alone) if they do not turn up. I know it’s soul destroying but really it is nothing you have done wrong. Some people just don’t care about others feelings.

I hadn’t noticed the rule had been removed. I never really understood that rule as it had been explained is several different ways, not dating the thread? Does it mean “don’t date anyone on the thread?”, does it mean “don’t mention the thread to anyone you are dating?” Or does it mean something else?

It means don't date anyone on the thread.
There is a separate rule for not mentioning it to anyone you are dating. Unfortunately I did mention the thread to someone I was dating once and it did not go well.

I don’t tell anyone about the thread (or mumsnet)

I do worry that one day I might date someone on the thread without knowing, although I’m pretty sure none of the men on here live near me.

This thread has a history of vulnerable women (and men) who come on here to get advice about how to date, usually after the breakdown of a long term relationship.

The women are quite often confused and concerned about being sent harassing messages by men on OLD sites, and are looking for advice and support.

Unfortunately the thread also has a history of men popping up on here, posting a few funny lines, and then PMing some of the more vulnerable posters, then in some cases harassing them, using information they’d posted on here to feign intimacy and identify a persons weak spots.

That’s why we invented the ‘no dating the thread’ rule, to mean everyone can use that as a protective measure. Like a doctor can’t date their priest. And people can post without fear of it being used to target them.

Woah, what's happened to this thread? These have been running years and I've dropped in and out and lurked, but NC a few times for various reasons, and suddenly it's all innuendo and sex chat!

If doesn't feel like a nice supportive place to come and talk or ask about dating successes or disasters any more.

I'd rather not join a "slut club" if it's all the same with everyone else. I know things evolve but these threads have been going years and were really useful.

Bant I'm sorry but who decided on the thread rules - I didn't - and as you say, you haven't been on for a while. This is an online thread and we can all make our on minds - we are all grown ups - these things change - so be it

Kin hahahaha!! What must your delivery driver think!

Well, somehow this afternoon I seem to have found a potential FWB/FB?? Not quite sure how that happened but for once he's good looking and lives quite near me! Has a few 'strange' ideas but I'm sure I can work with that!