Dating Thread 137 – Sausage Party at the SUC

[Kinunir]

Dating Thread 137 – Sausage Party at the SUC

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Whilst I'm sure the flirting and innuendos are just banter, I have to say it stops me posting on the thread. Thanks esk1mo for pointing it out. It's all just a bit "icky" and close to the mark for my liking. Flirt away if you want to, but can it be done privately rather than on a support thread?

Removing Rule 10 without any discussion was also a bit off imo.

Removing rule 10 is fine if that's a thread decision. I don't think it was though

Hmmm, I obviously completely missed previous posts regarding this thread.

As someone who has been battered by past relationships and dipped my toe into the muddy waters of OLD with trepidation, this thread has been a huge help to me and the support I've received has been fabulous.

Yes, there is banter, I don't consider it flirting at all, and, in my view, it is completely harmless and no different to what you would get anywhere in RL.

Amongst the banter is help and support and to me that is what is paramount.

To be honest, I didn't actually twig about the 'rule' that had been taken away, only the new 'rule' which was one that had been discussed on the previous thread and was felt was very relevant.

Who is the thread though? surely that is the question isn't it?

Staying on the fence with this one.

I too came here for advice and help after a long term relationship but I certainly don't fall into the vulnerable category and am more than capable of dealing with wankers much as we'd have to in real life.

Like another poster said we're all grown ups

My view is - if I don't like a comment - I ignore it - live and let live - I'm 60 years old and can make up my own mind - I've got my big girl pants on thanks and if that offends some people - tough. No-one owns this thread and we all have a choice to follow/comment on it. As my lovely old mum used to say - if you can't say something nice, say nothing!

Val - a member of the thread, I would think, is anyone that posts or has posted on here regularly, takes a break, comes back, and so on.

The Thread in its collective sense is the group of those people.

Which is why I found it unsettling that one member removed a fundamental rule without any discussion amongst the thread generally, especially given the tone of their posts and PMs which other members of the thread have said they found unsettling.

And yes, we’re all grown ups, but so were the women who got harassed and pursued by a male poster several years ago, after he found them on here and started PMing them.

My view is, if you see something, say something.

People on here can decide amongst themselves if the thread is a good place to date. If people want to turn it into a place where posters date each other, ghost each other etc, then fine.

But it really shouldn’t be the decision of one person to summarily change the rules without a discussion amongst those who could be affected by it.

I have been a long time reader of these threads and am currently feeling vulnerable after a relationship break up and wanted to ask to join but I have to say I feel a bit uncomfortable with all the innuendo too.
I wonder if there could be a separate thread for those that enjoy that kind of chat and another for those that don't?
I was also reading the thread wondering where Bant and Smeaton had gone, good to see one of you back (although I know I am a complete stranger to everyone!)
Anyway, would love a bit of mutual support as a bit battered and bruised after having my heart broken twice within the space of a year

Lots of people dip in and out of the thread - I'm currently lurking as I'm not dating and you guys give out some good advice overall so you don't need me to be an echo chamber.

I think rule 10 - no dating the thread is important. It draws a line in the sand.

It's easy in an online forum to get too familiar with someone and think you know them. It also probably feels easy to chat and flirt in this space when many are struggling to getting dating interest. Having this forum where people listen and are interested is a bit of a false intimacy.

It's better if there is a boundary that isn't cross. And that we all play by the rules.

Yes, we are all grow up and I suppose we can do what we like. But some of us are good at getting our boundaries stamped over even when we are mighty men and women in other areas of our lives.

The no dating rule was intended to keep this thread a safe space to talk and share so can we keep it like that.

New rule is good - keep that.

My view, for what it's worth is that this is a safe place. It's been helpful to me and fun and light hearted. I'm not a fan of thread police, and tbh this particular incarnation is kin's thread, just as the one before was val's. I've had some outright laughs, had great supportive advice, and made some good online friends here and that's what it's all about.

I would suggest that those who are overly sensitive or judgmental can always start a different dating thread 137 and talk about tea with the vicar there. This thread was aptly named because there happens to be a majority of posters this time around who are embracing their sexual freedom, and exploring the dark and weird world of OLD with support from each other. And, I might add, with a healthy dose of humour that befits such a mad place as OLD.

Cakecrumbs. It sucks... but time heals. I'm on a break after Mr FA broke my heart for the third time. It's been nearly three months and I feel I am beginning to feel over him.

Can't the Sluts united have a decent thread in the sex forum? Then you can go deep and dirty while us delicate flowers drink tea and make sure our ankles are covered.

Bant "If people want to turn it into a place where posters date each other, ghost each other etc, then fine"

Well if that's happened it has certainly passed me by and I've been posting reasonably regularly for the past few weeks.

"People on here can decide amongst themselves if the thread is a good place to date"

Again, this too has passed me by, this thread isn't a good place to date and, personally, I'm of the opinion that no-one one here thinks it is - that's not why we're here. I reiterate, I come here for help and support and some friendly banter, and that's exactly what I receive and, I hope, give to others.

Apologies that for some reason I could neither highlight nor italic the two sentences I have quoted.

Feeling a bit 😬😐😐 about what’s going on with this thread.

Can we go back to giving advice regarding dating? The odd innuendo is to be expected but maybe it’s been taken a bit far. It’s good to have a joke and laugh but the threads are just quickly filling up with posts that are not that helpful?

Cake My heart was well and truly crushed and trampled last summer after my long term relationship break up, coming on here, with help from my new found 'friends' I am once again embracing life and all of it's OLD oddities.

And, if anyone is at all interested, I've been stood up tonight for the second time in a week - does that make a thread record?

halfdutch boo hiss to being stood up. Same guy?

I believe there was someone on here last year who was stood up twice in one evening, Dutch

I have to disagree. It's not about being overly sensitive or judgemental. It's asking to keep the sexual innuendos for another thread. Take it into PM if that's what you want to do. I personally don't find them comfortable reading. I come on here to get support and help navigating the world of OLD, not to read the sex banter between a minority of posters. It's off putting for some newcomers and old posters alike.

That said, I'm a grown up too and of course can make the decision to not read or post again. It's a shame as I've followed and contributed to these threads over the last few years. I've learnt a lot, been supported a lot and got a lot from them. Just recently it has become less about the support and more about a few contributors using it as their forum to explore their newly found sexual freedom so to speak.

Thanks for making me feel welcome. I could definitely do with some new friends. It all feels a bit raw to be talking about in 'real' life at the moment but hoping I can escape with you guys and hopefully provide some support too!
I'm sorry to those that have also had their hearts broken, it is so tough, it seems to hit me so hard.
I'm also sorry to those that have been stood up, I suppose the best thing to remember in those situations is that these people are strangers and it isn't a reflection on you but most certainly a reflection of them. They're obviously not worthy of your time and company x

bant nobody to my knowledge is dating and ghosting each other. And biddylee this is not a thread about sex, it's about dating. There has just been some lighthearted, good natured banter to keep our spirits up.

I've been through some shit in my life. But I refuse to be considered a victim or vulnerable. As. woman, I am empowered by the friendship and support of posters on this thread. That's what we should be focussing on.

As I said, with all best wishes, the delicate flowers and the thread police can stay or start another thread. If MNHQ want to rename this one, so be it.

cakecrumbs chin up girl, no man is worth your tears.

halfdutch That's shit.

Bendy - never thought my thread was 'my' thread lol. Now old rule 10 - it's no secret I think that Kin and I met up to go to a go to a gig together - and I hope that everyone on here realised that we had a great night together - as mates. I certainly had fun and was lovely to make a new friend - I honestly don't see the harm in that - I think the new rule 10 is much more important - Bant - you called us out a while back - whilst agreeing with a poster who also called us out whilst admitting to sleeping with 2 married men - I know where I stand in that one!

No need for this to turn personal.

The threads have historically been about dating, the tone has turned and some people have expressed that they feel uncomfortable with this and appealed to keep the threads in the theme they traditionally were.

Can we now get back to enjoying this thread and the tangled webs our lives weave? Please?