Married man losing interest and I feel like shit

[touchoffree]

I know this is wrong but I've been seeing a married man for the last four months. Tbh I'm not capable finding my own relationship as men never want me.

This man pursued me for ages and eventually I gave in. Initially he couldn't get enough but just like all the other men he is now bored. His wife accused him of cheating and today he told me he can no longer text me at the weekends. So I got annoyed and told him I was fed up of all the rules, to which he has accused me of being too needy.

I feel horrible now and hate the fact he thinks I need attention. I've tried to be so laid back but it's hard when I have no commitment from him. He's stopped texting me back so that's it really.

Not sure how to make myself feel any better? I just feel really frustrated that he isn't replying to my messages and I want to scream. I'm so disgusted with myself for another failed attempt at making something work. Even someone that I don't really want doesn't want me.

Tell me it gets better please?

@LunaTrap

You want commitment from an already married man?

He's already took vows and made a commitment with his wife,
and you think you should get special treatment too?

You were his little play thing on the side, as sadly for whatever reason he can't be faithful to his wife, didn't you realise?

You just said u don’t want him then leave him and his wife to get on with it and find some attention from elsewhere and work of your self esteem It think not being able to text at certain times goes with the territory of dating a married man so if u continue with him u will have to get used to it

You are too needy.

You do need attention.

You won't get enough t

Maybe you can't keep a man because you have literally no morals whatsoever. The good ones can see right through you

^This. What goes around comes around OP.

Right, let me get this straight. You want a relationship that lasts and where you really connect as you never seem to meet men who want this and they finish with you after a short time?

Well then why for the love of all things Dane did you decide to see a married man? Seriously? How was he ever going to give you those things? He is a cheating scumbucket which really is the worst foundation for any relationship.

Also, please remember that what you have done has victims, you are both doing the wrong thing here.

Find a single man to get bored with you, don’t fuck up someone else’s marriage in the process!

@Rudgie47 you still talk absolute bollocks!

I've worked with 50 men and none have had affairs!

You're absolutely talking inane shit!

OP. Pull upnypur big girl pants and start to sort out your life. One step at a time.

I’m not sure what outcome you were expecting entering into an affair with a married man? And then getting frustrated that he is giving his marriage priority over you?

Sounds like you need to seek some counseling because you’re more focused on getting your ego stroked rather than forming a healthy and loving relationship with another available person.

‘For the love of all things sane’. Not Dane- he was a shit singer.

Sort out the fact you are so boring. Why are you? Christ.

Well then why for the love of all things Dane did you decide to see a married man?

I guess because...

....there is nothing like a Dane.

(I'M SORRY I'M SORRY PLEASE DON'T HURT ME!)

I have no constructive advice OP, other than you are probably going for the wrong men (definitely in this case!)

To those accusing the OP of being a home wrecker... why is so much blame placed on the 'other woman/other man', yes what they are doing is wrong but it is the MARRIED partner that is the home wrecker, they are the ones commuting adultery, they are the cheaters and they are the ones 'wrecking their home'. IMO 90% of the blame lies with them when it comes to affairs.

What kind of responses were you expecting ?
Ah...poor woman ! How awful for you that your married man prefers his wife to you...
Hmm ...why don't you go around to his house and ask him why he's dumped you ?
He couldn't ignore you then.

Okay, probably should have realised that many people wouldn't have heard of "Insecure", It's black American women's humour, and it's very, very funny. The song, performed at an open-mic event in the first episode, is a running issue throughout the series, and*

*this is where I type out a huge explanation of the sexual politics of the show, but then realise that it's pointless because it's too complicated.

Look, just check out the series. It's a work of genius.

I am happily married but can still have empathy for the OP who is obviously at a low ebb and has made some poor choices. I am not defending anyone’s choice to have an affair but have enough empathy to understand that sometimes when people have low self esteem they end up in in situations that they know are wrong.

The vitriol and abuse from some posters is disgusting and it seems like the OP has touched a nerve. Hint : the OP ISN’T YOUR DP’S MISTRESS. Save your bile for your cheating partners, not a woman in the Internet who has asked for support.

Sorry, accidentally hit post too soon.

You are too needy.

You do need attention.

You won't get enough attention from a married man, ever. You will thus keep being needy and feel more and more pathetic as you waste more and more of your own precious time while colliding in the betrayal of another woman.

It's better to be alone than to be treated like shit.

Be brave.

You know it was wrong and all it has done for you is reinforce a lower self esteem than before.

Learn from this. Have you heard the saying "Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me" ? Married men are off limits not least because they are immoral, dishonest and disloyal. You don't want them.
I doubt you are any more boring than the rest of us but loneliness and a desperation for someone, anyone, is an unattractive trait for most.
My suggestions are (FWIW) finding a support group to go to. Freedom Programme perhaps or Relate. There is nothing wrong with you but there is a reason behind the fear of not being good enough.
I'd also suggest the exercise route but as a team sport, netball, hockey, running, dance, Krag Mava self defence. I'd also suggest education if possible, something to aim for whether an OU course or a local one.
Good luck to you

No sympathy. Your fucking a married man, it was never going to work, he’s MARRIED.
Maybe stop shagging married, unavailable men (who are clearly scum bags if they are cheating on their wives) and try to find a non married man to build a relationship with?
Sleeping with someone doesn’t equate to a relationship.

Bigoldscaredycat- I mean, we don’t know who the op’s married man is do we? Even his wife doesn’t. Could be anyone’s husband. Until his wife finds out she probably thinks that she too is happily married.

Thank fuck for that, some posters who can see beyond the obvious. jeux, Sarahj and sofa.

A woman doesn't generally or willingly abdicate their self-esteem to the whim of a married man, not without some deeper-seated reason.

Nobody ever said an affair was a good thing but quite honestly, the posts that flood these threads make me incredulous.

OP, you've had some really sound advice on this thread but as an OW you will touch some very sore spots and this board is littered with women who've been badly hurt and perhaps this board isn't the right place but then again, an OW board would overtake AIBU for popularity perhaps? In the absence of a suitable board, try to be a bit more circumspect in what you're posting given that you're on an immediate back-foot with the topic.

I understand that weekends are tough for you but, he's drawn a line in the sand - draw your own too and block him - for your sake, nobody else's. You're not the guardian of his marriage but you are the custodian and guardian of your own sanity and this relationship is putting that at risk. I know. Get out now and don't look back.

....I feel terrible about myself.

As you should - you've been fucking another woman's husband with no thought for anyone but yourself which is about as low as you can go.

I'm not sure what I should say about the wife. I don't know her and I don't really think about it. I honestly don't want him to leave her and I don't want him.

I'm not a pathetic and dull person. I have a lot of friends, I have a good job, I'm educated, I do lots of sport and am a member of a lot of sport clubs. I live on my own so used to spending time alone. I probably come across as sociable, normal and nice.

If I don't have a man in my life at all I feel level headed but as soon as I meet someone I immediately don't feel enough for them. I'm clearly not good enough because I can't form a normal relationship with men. I'm always just not quite good enough and they'll often leave me for someone better.

I thought a married man would be a good ego boost after a guy I liked a lot rejected me. I never thought it would end up like this and I feel 100 times worse about myself.

All I see when I'm out and about is couples. Everyone I know is coupled up. I don't have any single friends. I don't know many single men. So I have just written off that part of my life. But I wanted the attention and affection and the sex still.