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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Married man losing interest and I feel like shit

462 replies

touchoffree · 14/07/2018 19:18

I know this is wrong but I've been seeing a married man for the last four months. Tbh I'm not capable finding my own relationship as men never want me.

This man pursued me for ages and eventually I gave in. Initially he couldn't get enough but just like all the other men he is now bored. His wife accused him of cheating and today he told me he can no longer text me at the weekends. So I got annoyed and told him I was fed up of all the rules, to which he has accused me of being too needy.

I feel horrible now and hate the fact he thinks I need attention. I've tried to be so laid back but it's hard when I have no commitment from him. He's stopped texting me back so that's it really.

Not sure how to make myself feel any better? I just feel really frustrated that he isn't replying to my messages and I want to scream. I'm so disgusted with myself for another failed attempt at making something work. Even someone that I don't really want doesn't want me.

Tell me it gets better please?

OP posts:
LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 14/07/2018 21:09

x-posted with bigscaredy, Spartacus and LadyLaura. OP - if you can ignore the posters with no real advice for you, please pick up with these and others are saying to you.

Get out now and treat this weekend as you time to do it - he's done you a favour if you did but know it. Make it be over - your decision, not his, yours.

Original poster
touchoffree · 14/07/2018 21:11

I don't think he is happily married - they have a lot of problems - but that's not my business and I know this could well be a story that's been spun. I know that they no longer sleep in the same room and that he has moved out a few times.

OP posts:
Wildlingofthewest · 14/07/2018 21:13

I think you need to see a therapist to sort out the issues you have with regards to not feeling good enough for men when in relationships.

But please, please stop sleeping with married men. They are scum bags and it fucking destroys family’s when the truth comes out (and it always does)

Newerversion · 14/07/2018 21:14

You thought a married man would be a good ego boost?

I get that you are obviously at a low ebb and feeling pretty bad but in order to boost your ego you thought that sleeping with a married man would help? How? Because you would be effectively winning him from another woman?

I am genuinely interested in the answer by the way.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 14/07/2018 21:14

touchoffree, you know NOTHING about this man's marriage. Nothing.

If you keep posting the way you are, you will attract more vitriol. This is your thread but it's not a blog of your relationship with the married man. If you're genuine then you'll not treat it as such.

Have you ever had counselling before? Do you have people you can speak to in real life? What do your friends think/tell you about this relationship?

KittyHawke80 · 14/07/2018 21:14

Ah, super. So those of us who find the OP’s behaviour morally reprehensible can only do so because our blokes, too, are busy sticking their penises in someone else - or we fear they may, or they once did, or whatever. Hint - some people are moved by bad behaviour or unhappy situations even when they doesn’t directly affect them (I don’t like it when old ladies are mugged even if they aren’t my grandma; I don’t like it when kids go to bed hungry even if I can feed mine) because some people are able empathise with the actual victim (in this scenario, that’s the wife, btw. Just for the avoidance of doubt).

LesLavandes · 14/07/2018 21:15

OP. You must have known you would be slated on here for this.

I am sending you a hug 🤗

I am not even going to comment on whether you did wrong or not by embarking on a relationship with a married man.

But you are hurting and I am sorry. I have a different situation. Relationship with a foreigner who lives in his home country with his parents - 49. It's normal if you are single. Never married, no kids.

I have 2 children from a previous relationship. We have had a relationship for 16 months and I am a secret.

So OP. I feel your sadness. Try and get some rest. You probably won't feel any better tomorrow but day by day.

polarpercy · 14/07/2018 21:15

Don't worry about the/any stories he has spun or told you. They won't help you in the long run. From what you have written it sounds like he likes having you at the end of a phone, at his beck and call. He controls everything here, both you and his wife. Take some time, take a step away and find things that you want that aren't reliant on anyone else.

4littlebirds · 14/07/2018 21:21

Sleeping with married men is just plain wrong, but there’s enough people on this thread that have made that point, so I don’t need to twist the knife.
But you really need to work on your self esteem. Honestly does winning the attention of a married man and getting him to risk his marriage for you make you feel better about yourself.
No married man will respect someone desperate enough to sleep with them. Go get some counselling and hobbies, work on yourself and then consider dating. No good will come of what you are currently doing, the best you can hope for is to win a cheat and who’d want that prize.

CrochetBelle · 14/07/2018 21:21

I'm still waiting to hear why the OP is a threat to me. It's the internet equivalent of "I know something you don't know, and I'm not telling you"... Not very nice, indeed.

Pause3FuhFuh · 14/07/2018 21:22

You need to see a therapist for your self esteem issues

Lovemusic33 · 14/07/2018 21:22

There are loads of single people, I think it just seems like everyone is coupled off, I felt the same when I was first single.

Ignore the people that are slating you, calling you names. These type of men will cheat with anyone, if it wasn’t you he would be using another woman.

sissy89 · 14/07/2018 21:24

@LyingWitchInTheWardrobe lol you are unreal.

DistanceCall · 14/07/2018 21:27

OP, if you wanted an ego boost, you should have had a one-night stand. It was clear from the start that this man was not available and if you fell for him it was all going to end in tears.

You say that you don't have many single friends and don't meet many single men. But you have also said that dozens men have rejected you in the last few years because they found you boring.

I think you should talk to a therapist. I don't know what your background is, but you clearly have a block somewhere there when it comes to relationships.

Original poster
touchoffree · 14/07/2018 21:29

I didn't say men found me boring I said that they got bored. I don't think they are the same thing. I feel like the novelty wears off for them quickly.

OP posts:
Newerversion · 14/07/2018 21:31

Are you quite young, op? Is it because the men you meet are still a bit immature and not ‘ready to settle’?

DistanceCall · 14/07/2018 21:31

I didn't say men found me boring I said that they got bored. I don't think they are the same thing. I feel like the novelty wears off for them quickly.

Well, they got bored because they were not interested in you, just in the thrill of the chase / sex. That should make you think about the kind of men you approach.

Original poster
touchoffree · 14/07/2018 21:33

I'm 30 so not really young.

OP posts:
madja · 14/07/2018 21:33

I don't want him but I was enjoying the attention
Hmm

Whatstobedone · 14/07/2018 21:34

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Tinkobell · 14/07/2018 21:35

OP - I think they get bored of you because from the very outset, a married man sees you as a short term diversion, not a long term prospect. Unless one of these married men has decided that he wants out of the marriage, they're always going to find a reason to end it with you. Stop chasing married men ffs! Their hearts are never going to be in it. There's probably nothing wrong with you per se other than the kind of guys you seem to gravitate towards.
If you want the happy married life for yourself, your best bet is to build it from scratch not try and hijack someone else's relationship.

LotsToThinkOf · 14/07/2018 21:36

I'm with Lovemusic on this one - op you've made a bad choice but he's the one cheating, it doesn't make you entirely innocent but you're certainly not the worst party. Your self esteem sounds broken, which is why you've made the choice to be the other woman. It would always have come to an end, in your head this would not be your fault really because he was never fully committed to you.

Please have some self respect: you are better off being single than with someone like this! Men get bored when the novelty wears off because that's the type of scum bags you're making yourself available to. A decent man wouldn't do that.

Try going for a different type of man, someone you haven't really considered before. Sometimes what you want really isn't what you need.

This man has taken advantage, you and his wife are the only ones who will suffer here. Please block him and move on.

Starlight345 · 14/07/2018 21:40

You have no idea they sleep in separate rooms .

Reality you were never going to resolve your issues with someone who wasn’t available do instead of getting help you are potentially fucking up someone else’s marriage

Tinkobell · 14/07/2018 21:46

Set your sights higher. As a happily married woman, I can't have any respect for your behaviour although it's the husband that I suppose has broken his own marriage. If you set your sights higher morally this will come across to others in your behaviour, sense of self worth and actually everything that you do. You in return will attract the right person with sincere long term intentions. You have to expect that doing this will take time, though it sounds like you're well connected socially. Stop angsting what your friends are doing. Hold your head high and change yourself for the better.

Wildlingofthewest · 14/07/2018 21:47

30 IS young

You need serious therapy to sort your head out

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