New husband cheating and she's pregnant!

[Dtb27]

I am so happy I found this forum. I have never felt so low as my heart has been crushed just recently and still struggling to come to terms with the fact it’s actually done. I am letting you know my story so that you all know your not alone and hope some of you girls / guys can reassure me that it does get better
Here goes.......

I am 27 and was with my now husband for 9 years, married actually only 39 days!. At the beginning of our relationship he wasn’t perfect but forgave him and ended up having an amazing relationship. Travelled, had a big circle of friends, didn’t argue, no abuse just happy. Even moved away from our family area which I never thought he would do as was a right homebird but he did and was enjoying it. Neither of us had children (he is 30) and we lived life how we enjoyed.
In November 2016 he popped the question and I agreed to be his wife, amazing or so I thought. We started planning the wedding and discussed starting a family. I think the wedding took over and he couldn't stand being second best to that for a while....pathetic. I came off the pill in January in hopes that after we were married we could set off married life and become a family which we had always discussed and dreamed about.
In March he left for his stag doo where he met someone and started an affair with this girl (she is 34 and knew he was the stag getting married) after the stag I saw a change in his behaviour and started to question things I asked him if there was someone else and he said no he just had cold feet and was scared as everything was starting to happen, getting married, trying for a baby and buying a home together. All reasonable excuses I thought. Well we ended up getting married on 20th April 2018 and had the most amazing day, everything went back to normal and enjoyed a couple of weeks together before going on our incredible honeymoon. A week and a half after the honeymoon he told he had been sleeping with someone and she is pregnant! I chucked him out and can honestly say it’s been the worst and most heartbreaking thing I have ever felt. He moved in to a house we had been renting out and was saying all the right things. Then all of a sudden he changed his mind and said he wanted to be apart of the babies life. I said I didn’t think I could handle it but said I would maybe try. This girl hid behind friends and got them to send me messages with all there dirty secrets saying he had even called her on our wedding night and knew about the baby before the wedding which he denies of course. She said such hurtful things and I just deleted them and never replied. He said that the only reason he promised her these things like he would be with her was to keep her quiet and so she wouldn't tell me. He went to the scan with her and he then decided he wanted to be with her and raise this baby. 2 days after the scan he messaged saying how much he loves me and now his dreams have been shattered from his own stupidity. Kept saying he loves me but things wouldn't be the same and he is dead right. Then said he was going to be with her! When he told me that I think that was like a dagger to my heart actually said if he wasn’t going to be there then he would miss the baby’s first steps. I screamed it should have been us! Never had so much emotion at once and he burst out crying and sobbing (which he never does not even when his dad passed away and they were close) he then text the next day saying he knows it should have been us he can't get my words out of his head but knows we couldn't be repaired. Just can't believe my husband is with someone he has known 3 months! Bearing in mind a month of that he hadn’t seen her. He agrees and said I know it was never meant to be like this I wanted a family with you but to much damage has been done your family will hate me blah blah all me me me basically. I have put a post on Facebook that just said when you find out your husband is a lying cheating scumbag apparently I was publicly humiliated him and now it wouldnt be the same. He is right cause now all my family know and he knows he would never be accepted. between us maybe we couldn't work. I have advised him that he was a compulsive liar as she uploaded a pic of them walking her dog together when apparently he was down town sorting thus
We have now cut contact and he is going full steam ahead with this girl. Everyday is a struggle for me and I literally can’t stop crying I feel my hands are tied and there’s nothing I can do. All I want is for him to say it will all be okay but I know that won’t happen and can’t. He has said he loved me and made a mistake that back fired on him greatly and he has to step up. I feel like I have failed as I didn’t have a baby with him, I feel so unattractive, I feel mugged off. All the while there getting on with it. Just struggling how to move forward? I know that the baby is due in Jan and I don’t want to put life my on hold being heartbroken and miserable. How do I move forward?
Thanks for reading my long ass story but just needed to get it off my chest. Stay strong and positive ladies xx

@merville thank you so much for your post. It gave me a giggle and also pulled me back in to reality. I think I am looking at it through rose tinted glasses and look at the positives for them and the negatives for me. I need to start understanding that I am free from being lied to, cheated on and basically walked all over. I suppose I will only hear the good bits the bad bits will be kept behind closed doors.
I think when the MIL said it was like they had been together years I thought about how he acted with me and it was all so natural and flowed and we were like that. I feel like I was just so replaceable.

Thank you again for your support xx

@PurpleFlower1983 Yes I went to solicitor last Monday and found out what I was entitled to etc.
My mums husband is being the intermediate and gave him a copy of the solicitors legal advice and he did agree to the sum verbally with him. Just don't know how long I will have to wait for the money as would like to put a deposit down on my own place.

Thank you again for all your support. There will be light at the end of the tunnel soon x

Found this and think it's brilliant xx

@RightyHoChaps I couldn't have wrote that better myself, I 100% back you there.

OP, I feel your pain BUT in a years time you will look back and think 'did that really happen'!

Cut all ties, contact, the lot. Go hard or go home time.

Focus on you and only you.

YOU will be the one HE will still think of in a years time when the shit hits the fan with the latest lady and life isn't a rosey as he thinks it is. Whereas you will have fully moved on with your own life.

Good luck with the start of your new beginnings

It's been a while since I last posted so thought I would give you all a little update.

Last Monday I had to speak to the lowlife scumbag regarding the divorce. He has said he won't sign on the grounds of adultery?! Even though he has moved her in to the property whilst we're still married. He said that she got pregnant before our wedding and intended to cut all contact. In which I replied you rang her on our wedding night?
Then he said he won't pay me what he owes me as he can't, he has a baby on the way. As if that is my problem?
I have then found out that whilst together he has basically been cheating the whole way through. So far I have counted 5 and there is probably a lot more out there.
I just can't believe this was the same person I was with for 9 years.
I then got messages asking about bloody Netflix if I was still using his account etc I ignored them.
I realise that he is a compulsive liar and a serial cheater and I am best away from him but the anger is building up in me. I feel like I am ready to explode!
It seems like everything is going swimmingly for them and all shit for me.
The OW has actually tried to become friends with my friends and feels no remorse for what she has done. She thinks it's fate.

I feel like I am going mad, I did nothing to deserve this. Then pair of wankers playing the victim is making my anger worse. I am trying to ignore him but I am so tempted to ring and abuse him. It's taking all my energy not to.

Any advice to get me through this extremely angry stage would be great xx

Let all negotiations go through your solicitor. They are having a baby which you weren’t aware of before you married.
You have text messages as evidence.

Get your own Netflix account.

Disengage from all communications with him. And you could always divorce on unreasonable behaviour (walking out to set up home with another woman should do it) if Adultery means he will fight the divorce.

In terms of finance a clean break may be your best bet.

Lovely

How you feel now, is how she's going to be feeling in the future, but With a kid in kid in tow.

I am just ignoring him now as it's easier that way. He said he would sign on unreasonable behaviour but I don't see what the difference is? He might aswell just admit to adultery.

I am just struggling with the fact that this person I loved with all of my heart could treat me so cruelly. Cut me out of his life as if I never meant anything.

I just feel like was I not good enough? What did I do so terrible to deserve this? I bet I am not even a second thought in his mind. He is so emotionless that He probably will never feel bad or think wtf did I do.

Just so painful, I am sooo much better than what I was but I have my odd days like this where I am just so angry and upset xx

Read your thread. Its a horrible situation but it was always on the cards there were others.

Re divorce, he can say what he likes but he cant ignore the truth and nor will the courts.
Only a solicitor can advise whether having a child on the way affects your entitlement.

As for anger, best thing you can do is live your life well. He is a serial cheat, his world is how very small and very cramped but you can do whatever you want. Imagine if you had found out all this about him when you had stopped work and were knee deep in nappies. She is with a serial cheat and basically he is doing what ever it takes to keep her on side. I bet he is miserable but ego wont left him show it. You now know he is a good liar!

Also take up boxing. Very popular form of exercise these days! And go on some dates

At the end of the day it doesn’t matter what the ‘official’ reason is for the divorce. If it makes it cheaper and less drawn out do it. The main aim is freedom!

You are still so young and you will look back in this and be very grateful that you didn’t end up having a child with this man.

It's good that you are angry, it's part of the healing process.

I agree that you should cut all contact, it's not healthy.

Just rest assured that he WILL cheat on this other woman eventually.

Lucky escape

Play on his current gooey feelings for her.

"Don't you want to be free to marry the mother of your child? Agree to grounds of adultery or I'll sit and wait it out for years."

(Assuming you can afford to.)

Actually I've never been divorced, so I'm not sure of the difference. Do you get a better settlement if it's adultery?

Check with your solicitor!

It makes no difference really what the reason for the divorce is. The finances are still looked at the same way.

I fully understand in the circumstances why you'd want him to sign on adultery, whether it makes any difference to the financial settlement. She may have been pregnant before your marriage but if they had sexual contact even once after your marriage, it seems like it's still adultery. Do you have any proof that they did after your marriage?

(Anyway what a weasly, twisty, pathetic, riduclous get-out - I was fkg someone else before and during our marriage but it isn't adultery because she got pregnant before the marriage).

As for not being able to afford to pay you what you're due because he has a baby (conceived while cheating on his lt partner & fiancee) on the way ... Too Fucking Bad.

"I have then found out that whilst together he has basically been cheating the whole way through. So far I have counted 5 and there is probably a lot more out there. "

I'm sorry to be correct but if you mean with other people previously, I'm not surprised at all .. think I said that way back in this thread. Behaviour as bad as this rarely comes out of nowhere.

He's a fkg scumbag and he's ended up in a Jeremy Kyle, trashy mess due to his character ... she seems to match him (having sex with a guy on his stag do ffs, a guy you know is cheating on his lt partner/fiancee, continuing to contact and have sex with a guy who is getting married to someone else, then who's gotten married ... not protecting yourself against pregnancy with anyone you barely know, let alone an engaged and the marred guy cheating on his fiancee/wife (in fact I suspect she purposefully took risks to see if she could get him by getting pregnant first, imagine if you'd gotten pregnant as well; what an absolute shit show). She has no self respect, no decency, no sense, no morals, no judgement and is delusional. She'll be woken up eventually but she's not your problem.
Also, your ex (not even ex cause of his fucked up behaviour) is not prize but you can also bet that underneath it all he has no respect for her; he knows she'll take scraps from engaged and married men. He knows she's probably taken risks/got pregnant to force his hand. He knows she's either naive and or desperate. Men don't respect women like that, they'll use them but they don't respect them. Theirs sounds like an utterly fked up relationship that will only get more phucked up.

Get shot of them, while getting your full financial due and concentrate on being happy. You should be so so glad you found out what he's like before you had children with him ... not a bullet dodged, a missile dodged. She's actually done youa favour - now she gets to be the nagging wifey who's cheated on.

*Play on his current gooey feelings for her.

"Don't you want to be free to marry the mother of your child? Agree to grounds of adultery or I'll sit and wait it out for years."

(Assuming you can afford to.*

Also a very good idea - they might keen to make their Jeremy Kyle cluster fuck appear legit by getting married or at least engaged in the near future.

You are very lucky to find out early on in your marriage who he really is.

Take your solicitors advice and force the house sale of necessary (assuming you own a house together). You owe him nothing and sadly he is playing the pity card. Their finances are not your problem. If he has to move in with family so be it. He knew what he was doing, as he said he made his bed (and it may not have been a wise financial choice for him, but hey).

You may not feel lucky but you are. You are now free to meet a proper person and not live with a cheat. He has no idea what marriage is about. You have no ties to this loser. Whenever anyone brings him up in conversation say ‘ I’m so lucky we have no ties and I’m so lucky I saw his true colours early on’. Because you are lucky. You are free. No arguing over contact, no worrying about maintenance, no hard decision to stay with the cheating fucker because you have two kids together and work part time.

You are free. So find your new path in life. Your new adventure. Live a happy life.

I am so sorry for you - but you really dodged a bullet. You will come to see it was a positive thing you did not end up pregnant by him - he had no morals and is scum. Why would you want those characteristics in a father to your child/ren?

Oh and make it clear to the mutual gossip friends (there’s bound to be one) that you have asked for a divorce via a solicitor and you are not sure why he’s holding off signing.

He's such an idiot eh. Serial cheat who got another woman pregnant in his stag night.

The unreasonable behaviour can be he is expecting a child with another woman due 9 months frin the date we got married.

That sounds even worse than adultery. Except you have to be married a year before you can get divorced.

Leave them to it. The OW has very low standards.

What a lucky escape you've had. If she didnt get pregnant he'd have carried on cheating on you. Risking your health with his promiscuity.

I would stall the divorce proceedings for now OP because it's not going to make a lot of difference to your life at the moment.
I am saying this because what you are having to deal with emotionally is really really difficult.
I was like you totally devastated by the betrayal but what I did in the end was try and get myself in a better place mentally.
Also I could not afford to keep going to Solicitors.

So I gave myself 12months respite from it all and when I felt stronger then I did a lot of research on wikivorce website which help me focus my anger. I actually did the filing of the papers myself wth the Court as it is very easy to do.

So I told him if he wanted a divorce he could pay for it!!!
It ended up going to a final hearing regarding the finances and he spent thousands on solicitors fees trying to get out of not paying me.
The judge saw it differently and awarded me a settlement that had to be paid within 2weeks!

So I would concentrate on emotional and physical wellbeing and do not put yourself through anymore unnecessary stress because it will make you really unwell if you don't take care of yourself.

The one thing that I did do was change my name back by deed pole to my maiden name(which now costs £33 and you can do it all on line) as I absolutely hated being called by the exh(bastard's) name.
That was a turning point for me and it does not complicate the divorce proceedings because you just give a copy of deed poll with marriage certificate with any paperwork.

All in all it took about 2years from starting proceedings to getting to final hearing mainly because he was a stubborn arse who thought I deserved nothing. Thankfully the Judge saw him for what he was and
I got the money in the end.

Just remember to put yourself first always now and try to go no contact with the vile pos!

How are you getting on OP? I hope you are doing well.

Take it through your solicitors and get it signed under adultery if he refuses start legal proceedings against him. Get the money owed like he said he made his bed now lie in it.

Op I know it's a shit situation but in weird way I am so glad it's happened imagine you getting pregnant starting a family and then his true colours came to show? Count those lucky stars and angel.

You are worth so so much then this piece of shit!! Op we are always here you are a resiliant woman who is going to find her happily ever after and look back and think wow so glad this happened.

There are genuine amazing men out there who would make you there priority be loyal and loving. I wish you all the best and here for you!! X

So in a nutshell she is with a fella that is a serial cheater. He got her pregnant and is with her for that reason and that reason alone.

Despite the image they project to the world you can see how this is going to go longterm OP. If you can hold this one thought in your mind above all others it will carry you through. Trust me I know what I am talking about! He is a cheater. He is with someone that was a casual shag only. He would not have married you otherwise. He will cheat on her repeatedly. That is who and what he is. Acknowledge this. Let it sink in and gradually you will feel better. You know in your heart that eventually, on some random Tuesday in a cold month, you will get to hear that he has cheated on her, she has booted him out etc etc. You will hug this piece of news to yourself and smile inside and out. Karma can take a while. Scrub that, it's not even karma. It's the blokes nature coming out against the backdrop of a relationship that is built on shifting sand. You will have that smile. It might even take a few years but it will be yours and yours alone. All the loved up FB posts, messages, pictures and memes will be worth nothing OP. Be patient. Time will tell. In the meantime get out there among them. Enjoy your life. Don't let them affect your mood a moment longer.
They do not deserve that power.