New husband cheating and she's pregnant!

[Dtb27]

I am so happy I found this forum. I have never felt so low as my heart has been crushed just recently and still struggling to come to terms with the fact it’s actually done. I am letting you know my story so that you all know your not alone and hope some of you girls / guys can reassure me that it does get better
Here goes.......

I am 27 and was with my now husband for 9 years, married actually only 39 days!. At the beginning of our relationship he wasn’t perfect but forgave him and ended up having an amazing relationship. Travelled, had a big circle of friends, didn’t argue, no abuse just happy. Even moved away from our family area which I never thought he would do as was a right homebird but he did and was enjoying it. Neither of us had children (he is 30) and we lived life how we enjoyed.
In November 2016 he popped the question and I agreed to be his wife, amazing or so I thought. We started planning the wedding and discussed starting a family. I think the wedding took over and he couldn't stand being second best to that for a while....pathetic. I came off the pill in January in hopes that after we were married we could set off married life and become a family which we had always discussed and dreamed about.
In March he left for his stag doo where he met someone and started an affair with this girl (she is 34 and knew he was the stag getting married) after the stag I saw a change in his behaviour and started to question things I asked him if there was someone else and he said no he just had cold feet and was scared as everything was starting to happen, getting married, trying for a baby and buying a home together. All reasonable excuses I thought. Well we ended up getting married on 20th April 2018 and had the most amazing day, everything went back to normal and enjoyed a couple of weeks together before going on our incredible honeymoon. A week and a half after the honeymoon he told he had been sleeping with someone and she is pregnant! I chucked him out and can honestly say it’s been the worst and most heartbreaking thing I have ever felt. He moved in to a house we had been renting out and was saying all the right things. Then all of a sudden he changed his mind and said he wanted to be apart of the babies life. I said I didn’t think I could handle it but said I would maybe try. This girl hid behind friends and got them to send me messages with all there dirty secrets saying he had even called her on our wedding night and knew about the baby before the wedding which he denies of course. She said such hurtful things and I just deleted them and never replied. He said that the only reason he promised her these things like he would be with her was to keep her quiet and so she wouldn't tell me. He went to the scan with her and he then decided he wanted to be with her and raise this baby. 2 days after the scan he messaged saying how much he loves me and now his dreams have been shattered from his own stupidity. Kept saying he loves me but things wouldn't be the same and he is dead right. Then said he was going to be with her! When he told me that I think that was like a dagger to my heart actually said if he wasn’t going to be there then he would miss the baby’s first steps. I screamed it should have been us! Never had so much emotion at once and he burst out crying and sobbing (which he never does not even when his dad passed away and they were close) he then text the next day saying he knows it should have been us he can't get my words out of his head but knows we couldn't be repaired. Just can't believe my husband is with someone he has known 3 months! Bearing in mind a month of that he hadn’t seen her. He agrees and said I know it was never meant to be like this I wanted a family with you but to much damage has been done your family will hate me blah blah all me me me basically. I have put a post on Facebook that just said when you find out your husband is a lying cheating scumbag apparently I was publicly humiliated him and now it wouldnt be the same. He is right cause now all my family know and he knows he would never be accepted. between us maybe we couldn't work. I have advised him that he was a compulsive liar as she uploaded a pic of them walking her dog together when apparently he was down town sorting thus
We have now cut contact and he is going full steam ahead with this girl. Everyday is a struggle for me and I literally can’t stop crying I feel my hands are tied and there’s nothing I can do. All I want is for him to say it will all be okay but I know that won’t happen and can’t. He has said he loved me and made a mistake that back fired on him greatly and he has to step up. I feel like I have failed as I didn’t have a baby with him, I feel so unattractive, I feel mugged off. All the while there getting on with it. Just struggling how to move forward? I know that the baby is due in Jan and I don’t want to put life my on hold being heartbroken and miserable. How do I move forward?
Thanks for reading my long ass story but just needed to get it off my chest. Stay strong and positive ladies xx

Am I the only who realised the date the OP gave of her wedding was a lot more than 39 days before this thread??

83 days to be exact.

Calling catfish on this one 🤷‍♀️

it reads like op means 39 days married before they split. she mentions a few weeks after the wedding before they went on honeymoon and then a week and a half after the honeymoon be confessed, which if the honeymoon was 2 weeks would be about right

Makes sense to me. He cheated just before the wedding and she is past the 12 week point in pregnancy.

It's normal you're feeling angry and upset. You were with him a long time, and he's gone and destroyed the future you thought you were going to have together. You are going to go through a grieving period.

But do get your legal separation in order, so you can divorce the turd as soon as possible. Get a good solicitor that will let him away with nothing, and communicate only through the solicitor. Sounds like he's wanting to be in contact with you because it makes him feel better or whatever, but will only cause you more pain. Put yourself first

He went on his stag do on 2nd March, continued an affair up until our wedding on 20th April. We had 2 weeks together then went on our 2 week honeymoon. I found out a week after that. So I found out nearly 8 weeks ago. When I found out she was 10 weeks pregnant she is now about 18 weeks I think.
I have cut contact with him but because I sent all the copy's of text messages he sent me he tried calling me. I left it but then he messaged my mum saying he wanted to be with this girl and got me so mad I called him. Was singing a very different tune when I spoke to him.
Said I did want to try and work things out but after everyone found out on FB and I saw the comments from your family and friends I knew I wouldn't be welcome.
When he just said to my mum he wanted to be with her?
When it first came out he said he wanted nothing to do with her, she knows this as I was there when he told her that.
After he went to the scan that's when he changed his mind so to speak. It was all about the baby and that meant being with her.
I said to the girl the other day he is only with her because of this baby otherwise like they both know otherwise he would still be sitting here on the sofa with me.
I think that's why she has been FB stalking me. I think she finds me a threat! I think she knows deep down they are only together because she is pregnant. Now trying to make this fake relationship to make out there really happy etc. He has changed his hair and his thoughts don't even seem his own sound like her! Think He is clinging on to her now as wants to be part of the baby's life and knows he would have nothing else if she went. He knows I won't have him back x

Is it definitely his baby? Surely, he'll want to get a paternity test done after the baby is born. Until then he's lining himself up for a lot of emotional trauma if it turns out it isn't even his.

Reality is op that once they have a baby it will put tremendous strain on them , I highly doubt it will last.

You have done nothing wrong here.

I know it’s terrible right now but you will get through this , take each day as it comes and before you know it your thoughts of him will be lessening and lessening.

You have your whole life infront if you to find a lovely man . She has been lumbered with someone who she knows is a cheat , of course she will see you as threat & will probably do so for the rest of their “relationship”.

Try not to think about what they’re doing , I know this is tough but it will help you to move forward and let karma deal with them. Btw karma does exist , my new neighbour has moved in with the ow , he used to have a lovely wife and they had two children. Well within a month of moving in next door to me he has since lost his job , he was being investigated for inappropriate relations (I know as I also happen to work at the same work place , small world eh! ) he also message a distant friend of mine telling her he loves her etc so he clearly has no intention on being faithful . Every time I see the new woman that he lives with she looks really miserable , I also hear them arguing a lot , yet on Facebook (so I hear as I don’t have social media ) it’s all rainbows and selfies 😂. Nothing could be further wrong . Don’t let these piece of shits grind you down , get a revenge summer body with abs , the lot! start that idea that’s going to make you gazillions ! You literally have the world at your feet and you don’t have this pathetic liability tied to you anymore. xxx

A new baby puts immense strain on even the strongest of relationships. When they are sleep-deprived and ratty i think it will fall apart - I just can't see how anyone could do this with someone they barely know.

My greatest hope for you op is that by then you won't give a fuck anway. But until then

Block all contact routes and ask your friends and family to do the same. You don't need to know what they are doing and if your family doesn't know they can't tell you anything either.

I really hope the baby isn’t his op. He will be without you and a baby then.

That is one of the distressing stories I have ever heard within a relationship. I truly feel for you. As said elsewhere see a solicitor keep your friends close and keep looking forward.

OP, read back every message you've posted on this thread, in every single one you make excuses for your husband and put all the blame on his girlfriend. She isn't the problem here. She didn't cheat on you. She wasn't the one married to you. He did that. She didn't force him to be in a relationship, she isn't making him stay, he is doing these things because he wants to. Stop believing his bullshit stories, and start holding him accountable for what he has done. He is lying through his teeth to you, he is blaming a pregnant woman for his decisions, he is a pathetic arsehole.
It may hurt, but you had a lucky escape.

OP, read back every message you've posted on this thread, in every single one you make excuses for your husband and put all the blame on his girlfriend. She isn't the problem here. She didn't cheat on you. She wasn't the one married to you. He did that. She didn't force him to be in a relationship, she isn't making him stay, he is doing these things because he wants to. Stop believing his bullshit stories, and start holding him accountable for what he has done. He is lying through his teeth to you, he is blaming a pregnant woman for his decisions, he is a pathetic arsehole.

It may hurt, but you had a lucky escape.

YY. Read Tillytown's very good advice carefully, OP.

Tillytown is 100% correct. Your anger should be focussed on him, not her.

Keep strong

You are a lovely person. He will miss you all his life. He does not know what love is. He has no idea of commitment, and I am very sorry for the life he has created. You need a divorce hun, he cheated on you all the while. He has deep issues, and a baby and this woman will not clear things. HE his telling you stuff but be certain that he is telling her another story. If he could he would have you both. He can't. He has left you, in the worst disgraceful manner, you are being left to finalize it. He cannot give his body (unprotected ) to someone else and look at you in the eyes and say he loves you. He is a selfish waste of space. 39 days is more than enough. If you could touch pain, that would be it. My eyes are full of tears for your situation Big hugs. You are down but not for long. You will get better. An annulment is the best policy. He is not capable of love. He can only fool his world for so long. Do not take his blame. He is the one you bludgeoned is marriage.

@Prawnofthepatriarchy I actually don’t think OP has put ALL the blame on the OW and excused her husband . She knows he is a shit head. I think they BOTH have behaved appealingly and the OP is absolutely entitled to be angry at both, as both parties have behaved disgustingly. Yes the ow was single but that’s really deplorable behaviour none the less, her standards must be in the negative numbers .
As for him , he is a waste of oxygen who is not worthy of a decent woman so it looks like he has obtained what he deserves.

*appalingly not appealingly obviously 🙄

FuckItPassMeTheWine, I'm on the thread, please don't @ me and send me an unnecessary email. And why call me out but not the original poster I was quoting?

Thing is, the OW owes the OP nothing. There's nothing to betray. Sure, she's a slapper, but if it hadn't been her it would have been some other slapper.

If you post on a forum then expect to get replies ! Duh
I didn’t personally e-mail you , you crank .

All you need to do is mention my name. Adding the @ means I get an automated email which is entirely unnecessary. As for crank? You're just rude.

Thing is, the OW owes the OP nothing

She should realise that her baby’s dad is a dirty cheat. Yuck. So she kind of owes it to the op to acknowledge this fact instead of thinking things are all rosy because they’re not.

Thank you for your messages and support.
I do blame him but I suppose it's always easier to hate the OW as I don't know her but I did love him. I think I find it hard to understand how another woman could sleep with the stag knowing he is getting married and carry on an affair. She is having a baby with someone that at the time she had met like 6 times. Quite unbelievable really. Just kills me that he has moved on so quick and seems like I am not a second thought. After a 9 year relationship and to be honest before all this we were solid. We were such a team and never argued. I hope karma finds them both x

I think I find it hard to understand how another woman could sleep with the stag knowing he is getting married and carry on an affair.

She knew full well what she was doing. It’s not like he could keep you a secret and pretend he’s single when he’s on his stag do ffs. She’s just as bad as him in my opinion.
Pair of scumbags.

At least you found out the kind of person he is before you have further commitments like children.

How are you OP? Hope you are holding up ok .

Thinking of you and sending positive thoughts your way xx