New husband cheating and she's pregnant!

[Dtb27]

I am so happy I found this forum. I have never felt so low as my heart has been crushed just recently and still struggling to come to terms with the fact it’s actually done. I am letting you know my story so that you all know your not alone and hope some of you girls / guys can reassure me that it does get better
Here goes.......

I am 27 and was with my now husband for 9 years, married actually only 39 days!. At the beginning of our relationship he wasn’t perfect but forgave him and ended up having an amazing relationship. Travelled, had a big circle of friends, didn’t argue, no abuse just happy. Even moved away from our family area which I never thought he would do as was a right homebird but he did and was enjoying it. Neither of us had children (he is 30) and we lived life how we enjoyed.
In November 2016 he popped the question and I agreed to be his wife, amazing or so I thought. We started planning the wedding and discussed starting a family. I think the wedding took over and he couldn't stand being second best to that for a while....pathetic. I came off the pill in January in hopes that after we were married we could set off married life and become a family which we had always discussed and dreamed about.
In March he left for his stag doo where he met someone and started an affair with this girl (she is 34 and knew he was the stag getting married) after the stag I saw a change in his behaviour and started to question things I asked him if there was someone else and he said no he just had cold feet and was scared as everything was starting to happen, getting married, trying for a baby and buying a home together. All reasonable excuses I thought. Well we ended up getting married on 20th April 2018 and had the most amazing day, everything went back to normal and enjoyed a couple of weeks together before going on our incredible honeymoon. A week and a half after the honeymoon he told he had been sleeping with someone and she is pregnant! I chucked him out and can honestly say it’s been the worst and most heartbreaking thing I have ever felt. He moved in to a house we had been renting out and was saying all the right things. Then all of a sudden he changed his mind and said he wanted to be apart of the babies life. I said I didn’t think I could handle it but said I would maybe try. This girl hid behind friends and got them to send me messages with all there dirty secrets saying he had even called her on our wedding night and knew about the baby before the wedding which he denies of course. She said such hurtful things and I just deleted them and never replied. He said that the only reason he promised her these things like he would be with her was to keep her quiet and so she wouldn't tell me. He went to the scan with her and he then decided he wanted to be with her and raise this baby. 2 days after the scan he messaged saying how much he loves me and now his dreams have been shattered from his own stupidity. Kept saying he loves me but things wouldn't be the same and he is dead right. Then said he was going to be with her! When he told me that I think that was like a dagger to my heart actually said if he wasn’t going to be there then he would miss the baby’s first steps. I screamed it should have been us! Never had so much emotion at once and he burst out crying and sobbing (which he never does not even when his dad passed away and they were close) he then text the next day saying he knows it should have been us he can't get my words out of his head but knows we couldn't be repaired. Just can't believe my husband is with someone he has known 3 months! Bearing in mind a month of that he hadn’t seen her. He agrees and said I know it was never meant to be like this I wanted a family with you but to much damage has been done your family will hate me blah blah all me me me basically. I have put a post on Facebook that just said when you find out your husband is a lying cheating scumbag apparently I was publicly humiliated him and now it wouldnt be the same. He is right cause now all my family know and he knows he would never be accepted. between us maybe we couldn't work. I have advised him that he was a compulsive liar as she uploaded a pic of them walking her dog together when apparently he was down town sorting thus
We have now cut contact and he is going full steam ahead with this girl. Everyday is a struggle for me and I literally can’t stop crying I feel my hands are tied and there’s nothing I can do. All I want is for him to say it will all be okay but I know that won’t happen and can’t. He has said he loved me and made a mistake that back fired on him greatly and he has to step up. I feel like I have failed as I didn’t have a baby with him, I feel so unattractive, I feel mugged off. All the while there getting on with it. Just struggling how to move forward? I know that the baby is due in Jan and I don’t want to put life my on hold being heartbroken and miserable. How do I move forward?
Thanks for reading my long ass story but just needed to get it off my chest. Stay strong and positive ladies xx

Curly

He's right though. My DD's 8 now and I am penniless due to all the hats and mittens I've had to fork out for over the years.

oh christ OP... this is awful.. she's welcome to the unfaithful disgusting rat... imagine their life.. full of insecurities and lies... not pretty ..

I wish you the warmest of wishes to get through these days and weeks.... it will be painful but remember... you will meet someone worthy of your love who will cherish you... don't settle for second best which is what is always was....

Please don’t believe the whole “you made it easy for me to cheat” that’s such a weak and cowardly thing to say. Trust plays a huge part in a relationship, and the fact he broke it says so much more about him.

The right guy will never ever jepodise your trust. Please don’t allow this dickhead to make you feel bad for trusting him.

I’m so glad you’re feeling empowered. Everyone on here is rooting for you and will help you along.

Keep strong, sweets. You’re better than that loser. Xxxx

Divorce the piece of shit and I promise you one day you will be having the last laugh and your life will be so much better without him in it. I hope they aren’t miserable together and you meet an amazing man.

Listen to Beyoncé’s song “Best Thing I Never Had” and watch the video. It’s so powerful!

As the days and months go on you will get stronger and he will get weaker. I expect he will try to come crawling back to you at some point but at least you have a good head on your shoulders and wont fall for it. He has made a terrible decision which i think he will regret forever.

I really feel for you, OP. Stay strong.

I hope they ARE miserable together.

I don't usually comment on relationship threads but what has happened to you is absolutely dreadful. He is a disgusting, vile, lying cheat...i obviously don't need to tell you that. Take heart in all the wonderful words of support you've had on here from previous posters. Let this other woman have to live with the father of her child being a deceitful fraud and see how long she can put up with him (hopefully you won't find out because your blocking would have been so effective!)

@Daddybegood I doubt OP wants to put this baby, who is nothing to her "above her own needs". Why on earth would you think her needs are secondary to anyone's?

Like how blokes posting start with "OK" - a metaphorical "stand aside ladies".

OP - the best revenge is a happy life. It will take a lot to recover from this but each time you succeed at something you can mentally give him the finger.

The OP owes nothing to this baby. She has no children of her own who will be half siblings, so will never need to spend time with or form a relationship with the child. The baby is nothing to her. I’m sure she doesn’t wish it any harm, but the baby has its own parents and family to care for them and their needs. It’s not OP’s job.

try to remember that there is a completely defenceless baby coming into this world who needs all the love and support every baby needs.

The baby will get all that I’m sure, but that isn’t the op’s concern.

It is going to be very difficult for your ex over the next couple of years with sleepless nights, tantrums etc and with a woman who he may feel trapped by. His finances and easy life are effectively over because he behaved like an arse (he will be very regrettful for atleast 5 years)

Boo hoo. He made his bed.

but you must be above it and be kind to the baby above your own needs.

I’m sure the op does not wish bad things on the baby but the baby does not and should not come before her. The op should be putting herself first from this point on. If she is not with her cheating bastard of an ex then she does not need to have anything to do with the baby.

If he tries to get back with you, remind him, he has a baby to feed, and a roof to keep above his/her head, wish him well (sincerely) and buy the baby a new hat/mittens etc

I hope she does remind him with bells on if he tries to get back with her, and he knows that she is having the best time without him. Also I’m sure the op has better things to buy. Why should she have to go out of her way to buy a gift to make her look strong?

The baby has nothing to do with op! Why are you advising her to be kind to the baby?

try to remember that there is a completely defenceless baby coming into this world who needs all the love and support every baby needs

OP is HARDLY likely to forget now ... is she FFS

Oh OP that relationship is doomed. I have been with dp for 10+ years got married, had a kid and it's the most stressful thing ever put on our relationship. So much that I keep asking him to move out but he won't go. Babies are tough and it will only be all roses and easy going until jan.
the difficult part for you is that you won't get to see the struggles or fights behind closed doors as everyone's life on fb looks perfect. But believe me when I say it will be happening!
I know it's impossible for you to feel it now but you are the winner in this - you get to be free of him and not tied to him for life. He will f**k that girl over to but she will always have to put up with his shit now.

What an awful thing to happen OP

You'd be best divorcing him whenever it's legally possible. Get your solicitor to write a document stating the date when you separated and on which grounds though, you want it all in writing so you don't end up legally married to him one day longer than necessary. Also as someone said, claim all wedding expenses back from him. He cheated on you while you were organising the wedding, so he can pay for the whole thing. Not your problem where he gets the money from, or if he needs it for the floozy's baby (not the baby's fault though).

Be glad you didn't end up having a baby with that man. You will meet someone deserving when you are ready, and you have plenty time to start a family.

I doubt he will be happy.

@Daddybegood

I agree with everything you said apart from buying hats and mittens for the baby.
That's his problem to deal with.

The OP doesn't owe or have any obligation...legal or moral to have anything to do with him or her.

Imagine being the baby conceived on a stag night by the cheating fiance. What a horrible beginning in life.

Shame on the both of them.

Well today I was told the slag put a public picture on Facebook of the scan saying how happy they are. It's just heartbreaking and it keeps getting thrown in my face. Sitting her crying as I type this. It's just so cruel. I feel like I can't escape this hell, I don't know what I did to deserve such treatment. I know I am well rid of him but he doesn't feel like that at the moment.
They don't deserve an ounce of happiness and it's killing me knowing that they are playing happy families.
Wish I could just go back to when we were happy.

Who is telling you all of this? You need to tell people that you don’t want to know, that you aren’t interested. And if they continue to tell you, cut them out. These people are drama llamas, not friends.

See a solicitor tomorrow. File for divorce. Protect your assets and your future.

That is really cruel. Tell your friends and family not to tell you.

OP.. please don't engage with people sharing her posts with you verbally or on text... stop them in their tracks and say you do not want to know...

They will be happy for around 6 weeks.. then he will be sniffing around you again trying to reclaim what he has lost.. he will go in this cycle for as long as you let him... when he comes crawling back .. you tell him to GET TO FOOK

Off dear girl, I am sorry you go through this now. And yes, all this "in your face" is meant to hurt you and shout to everyone "yay, we are so happy, go us!". Actually I'd be surprised they are so happy as they claim. People that are happy don't need to shout it to everyone "look at us, aren't we doing great?" . I bet that behind the scenes there is so much uncertainty, so much lack of trust, so many reproaching, fear, tears, insecurity... for every "friend" that accepts them [even though probably slags them in private or agrees to meet them out of curiosity ] there are many who are disgusted with his behaviour.

Tell everyone you don't want to know about him, what he's up to, what they're up to, you are moving on and they can enjoy their "happy" life build on cheating and lying. As these things always go well and end well. Not.

Honestly, you are so young, and even if now things seem horrible and hopeless, you are not the one that ended up with a liar and a cheat, And with a baby that would keep you connected to the said liar and cheat for life. You can walk on, head up, you haven't done anything wrong, you are not that leaves this story ashamed and humiliated. Arrange to be divorced as soon as possible and live your life. The world is your oyster and after a while, when you look back, you will say that you had a good escape indeed.

It was my stepmum she wasn't going to tell me but I asked. I know I shouldn't have but I couldn't help it. Well I just sent copies of all the messages he had been sending how he knows this should be me and him having a baby together etc. See how she likes that.
I know it's petty but I just can't keep sitting back and absorbing all the blows

Deactivate your social media. Do not communicate with him except through solicitors. Bag up all his stuff, spring clean him out of your life. Get a make over, look fabulous.

Get off social media until you’ve healed.

You need time to heal and you’re not going to do it when you have people telling you things or being able to see things.

Also, ask other people not to tell you anything. You need to take your well-being into consideration and completely focus on yourself.

Block his number, delete social media and heal. You’re gunna take two steps forward and then 3 steps back.

I'm so sorry to hear this. A similar thing happened to me. Me and my ex had two children together were together for 7 years and he left our family for someone else- their baby is due in August.

It was really hard it the beginning, I would just burst out into tears everywhere. I was a wreck.

My friends and family really helped they would listen to me rant and cry and pass me a glass of wine when needed.

Stay strong, he isn't worth your tears. He is making a massive mistake and he will get his day in court!

It will hurt, but delete him from social media- you are only hurting yourself! Keep contact to a minimum and lean on your network of friends and family. Hope things get better!

Time is a healer.

Hey just reading your last post about the scan picture. Please remember what people put on social media is often very different to real life. People like to paint he perfect picture, I bet it's not all rosey for them.

I came of all social media when I broke up with my ex after finding out he cheated on me. I couldn't face the fact that he was out partying and going on holidays when I was at home crying about what he did. I'm still not on any social media 3 years later and feel great for it. Think of it as having a spring clean in order to help your mental state. One less thing to be checking and thinking about.

Sending a big hug xx