New husband cheating and she's pregnant!

[Dtb27]

I am so happy I found this forum. I have never felt so low as my heart has been crushed just recently and still struggling to come to terms with the fact it’s actually done. I am letting you know my story so that you all know your not alone and hope some of you girls / guys can reassure me that it does get better
Here goes.......

I am 27 and was with my now husband for 9 years, married actually only 39 days!. At the beginning of our relationship he wasn’t perfect but forgave him and ended up having an amazing relationship. Travelled, had a big circle of friends, didn’t argue, no abuse just happy. Even moved away from our family area which I never thought he would do as was a right homebird but he did and was enjoying it. Neither of us had children (he is 30) and we lived life how we enjoyed.
In November 2016 he popped the question and I agreed to be his wife, amazing or so I thought. We started planning the wedding and discussed starting a family. I think the wedding took over and he couldn't stand being second best to that for a while....pathetic. I came off the pill in January in hopes that after we were married we could set off married life and become a family which we had always discussed and dreamed about.
In March he left for his stag doo where he met someone and started an affair with this girl (she is 34 and knew he was the stag getting married) after the stag I saw a change in his behaviour and started to question things I asked him if there was someone else and he said no he just had cold feet and was scared as everything was starting to happen, getting married, trying for a baby and buying a home together. All reasonable excuses I thought. Well we ended up getting married on 20th April 2018 and had the most amazing day, everything went back to normal and enjoyed a couple of weeks together before going on our incredible honeymoon. A week and a half after the honeymoon he told he had been sleeping with someone and she is pregnant! I chucked him out and can honestly say it’s been the worst and most heartbreaking thing I have ever felt. He moved in to a house we had been renting out and was saying all the right things. Then all of a sudden he changed his mind and said he wanted to be apart of the babies life. I said I didn’t think I could handle it but said I would maybe try. This girl hid behind friends and got them to send me messages with all there dirty secrets saying he had even called her on our wedding night and knew about the baby before the wedding which he denies of course. She said such hurtful things and I just deleted them and never replied. He said that the only reason he promised her these things like he would be with her was to keep her quiet and so she wouldn't tell me. He went to the scan with her and he then decided he wanted to be with her and raise this baby. 2 days after the scan he messaged saying how much he loves me and now his dreams have been shattered from his own stupidity. Kept saying he loves me but things wouldn't be the same and he is dead right. Then said he was going to be with her! When he told me that I think that was like a dagger to my heart actually said if he wasn’t going to be there then he would miss the baby’s first steps. I screamed it should have been us! Never had so much emotion at once and he burst out crying and sobbing (which he never does not even when his dad passed away and they were close) he then text the next day saying he knows it should have been us he can't get my words out of his head but knows we couldn't be repaired. Just can't believe my husband is with someone he has known 3 months! Bearing in mind a month of that he hadn’t seen her. He agrees and said I know it was never meant to be like this I wanted a family with you but to much damage has been done your family will hate me blah blah all me me me basically. I have put a post on Facebook that just said when you find out your husband is a lying cheating scumbag apparently I was publicly humiliated him and now it wouldnt be the same. He is right cause now all my family know and he knows he would never be accepted. between us maybe we couldn't work. I have advised him that he was a compulsive liar as she uploaded a pic of them walking her dog together when apparently he was down town sorting thus
We have now cut contact and he is going full steam ahead with this girl. Everyday is a struggle for me and I literally can’t stop crying I feel my hands are tied and there’s nothing I can do. All I want is for him to say it will all be okay but I know that won’t happen and can’t. He has said he loved me and made a mistake that back fired on him greatly and he has to step up. I feel like I have failed as I didn’t have a baby with him, I feel so unattractive, I feel mugged off. All the while there getting on with it. Just struggling how to move forward? I know that the baby is due in Jan and I don’t want to put life my on hold being heartbroken and miserable. How do I move forward?
Thanks for reading my long ass story but just needed to get it off my chest. Stay strong and positive ladies xx

Well, he's done what any decent being would deem as the unthinkable.

How absolutely terrible... I could never imagine such a scenario.
It sounds like he has A LOT of growing up to do, is stupidly impulsive, irresponsible and is now trying to make up for his actions by saying he'll be with them to raise the kid, doesn't take away from how much of an indecent, immoral twat he is though hooking up with someone when he should have been celebrating his embarking on a lifelong commitment with yourself.

I suggest putting it all behind you, of course that shock will always be there but focus on you and the best of what you can do for yourself right now, i.e anything tied with him, arrangements, get that fixed within your sole favor and try to leave your main focus on your well-being, enjoyment and your friends/family, remember you are what comes first in your life; also, this probably won't be what you want to hear right now but think of it as a story to tell in years to come, married to the biggest jerk humanely possible, whilst giving a heads up to others out there just how cruel someone can be, which is something you seem to want to do, that's great, good luck with things.

Oh gosh i just dont know what to say, people can just be so so cruel
I really wish i could offer some words of wisdom but all i can say is youre not alone. Im 2 days into finding out my H of 2 years has been having an affair & we have a DD. I know what that sick heart wrenching feeling is like.

Ive found it really calming to get out the house. Going for a long walk somewhere lovely has really helped clear my head. & definitely get rid of facebook!

A similar thing happened to a friend of mine.... he tried to string her along a bit (I love you, I want to be with you etc), whilst all the while sleeping with this other woman and knowing she was pregnant (my friend only knew about the affair at this point). Thank god she is so strong. She realised he was not, and never would be good enough for her and cut all ties with him.

She’s now happier than she ever was with him and married to an amazing man.

I am so sorry this has happened to you. I hope you can also come to realise none of this is your fault - he’s a total low life. The sooner you can cut him out of your life the sooner you will be able to move on and find someone worthy of having children with you and being an amazing and loyal husband and father.

First of all......your amazing! Going through all of that and not beating the crap out of him! I would of done a lot worse than a Facebook status. Also he is trying to put some blame onto you which is bollox!! Everyone would find out what he did eventually.

Secondly.......you even more amazing for sharing your story, lots of women suffer in silence. If we all shared how we felt then the world would be a happier more supportive place.

Thirdly......your amazing!! And a worthy man will cherish you in the future, pls don't waste your time on him. I was with what I call a 'man child' for 4 years. Moved in together, promises of proposals and babies.....he cheated on me. Long story short he tried to blame it on me because I was suffering with depression after a family bereavement. I then sunk into an even lower depression thinking it was all my fault. I went to counselling which really helped me. Fast forward 3 years and I met someone else and have a 2 month old baby.

I thought I would never get over my ex, it's true what they say. Time heals all, unfortunately time seems to slow down when you feel like crap.

I highly recommend you get some counselling, some support which isn't your friends or family giving you their own opinions.

Also maybe book yourself a mini break, getting away from your normally day to day grind can really help clear your head.

Please remember......your amazing!! You will get through this, I promise! Xx sending you hugs xx

The final tie was dealt with yesterday when he brought the car back to me ( it was mine) I didn't see him but my step dad dealt with it. He was saying I love her but there's no going back I can only go forward as I have messed up to much this time. He is right but that feeling this girl has won and taken everything I worked hard to build with him for 9 years has all gone to nothing. ( I know it's not a game but she has made me feel that way) and ripped everything away from me and there's nothing I can do is driving me mad. I feel like a fool. Time to pick myself up and move on from this waste of space. I think I will come off Facebook as she is no doubt checking out my account daily.
In a way I want him to text me in the future begging but want to be so far out of it that I just say fuck off!! Xx

God damn, OP. You are strong.

Who is to say it’s actually his baby? This woman had unprotected sex with a man on his stag do, for all he knows she could have already been pregnant before he met her.

Oh well, that’s his problem to sort out. You are well rid OP, look forward, your future is shining bright, his on the otherhand is slightly murky. Flowers: for you

Lucky escape before you fell pregnant if you ask me.

You are so young, you can start over and meet someone lovely.

Don’t look back, just look forward.

She ‘won’ a dickhead. You won your freedom x

Omg I am so so sorry. And truly shocked at their appalling behaviour. You are strong like many pp have mentioned. As you had such a long relationship with him it's no wonder you feel like she has ripped everything away from you. And you are a saint as he is...you know, still alive. I promise you one day you'll not care. Rant, write.. whatever helps. Cut all contact with him. Prick is not a strong enough word for what he is.

"but that feeling this girl has won and taken everything I worked hard to build with him for 9 years has all gone to nothing"

She hasn't taken it, he threw it away.

Very sorry but when feeling 'weak' it's worth remembering

Get an annulment. He was unfaithful entering the marriage. The baby is proof of that. If he cares one bit...he'll not contest an annulment.

What a disgrace of a man. My heart goes out to you.

She's won a cheater. Big wow.

You've lost a cheating husband...who risked your sexual health by having unprotected sex with a stranger.

Who's the real winner? You of course.

Oh OP what an utter shit he is.
And clearly didn't deserve you. He doesn't respect you or your feeling and he has right totally mucked you around.

I say no more!!

Stick to your guns. He's made his decision.

Wallow, cry, blub and vent to family and friends. Cry it out of your system. That is step number 1.

Step number 2, realise what a lovely, special person you are who deserves to be treated with respect and honesty. I call this the kick ass phase... the phase where you rediscover yourself. Go on holiday alone, do all the things you like, go shopping. Feel fierce and independent.

Phase 3... date again... whenever you feel ready

There's no telling how long each phase is but I promise you, you will get through each one especially with all those wonderful family and friends around you.

You are wonderful and beautiful and a goddess. You don't feel like it right now but I promise, you are these things. And soon you won't be sad that he treated you this way... you will be outraged that he dared to treat you like this and wholly assured that you are soo much better off without him

Sending so much love and hugs. Be strong xxx

I actually had horrible goosebumps reading this, what an absolute pos. I feel so bad for you op Console yourself with the fact that he will do the same thing to her eventually, he's a cheater and always will be.

So sorry this has happened to you
In the long run you'll know you're better without him
It hurts now (I know that pain) but it will become a dull pain and then nothing
Lean on your friends and family they'll get you through this
At the moment no one can make you feel better
You'll get through this though x

Hi OP,

But what has OW won? A lying cheating prick, she fucking deserves him. Just wait until the baby arrives, it can test the strongest f couples, honestly, you are so strong, you need to keep looking forward and not back, he is not worthy of you

Trust me as someone who has been in your shoes before in the exact same situation- this is the best thing that will ever happen to you and in 5 years you will look back and be so happy this happened

...that feeling this girl has won and taken everything I worked hard to build with him for 9 years has all gone to nothing.

LOL.

She sure has a prize there [sarcasm]

You are so well rid. He and his cherie sound very well matched.

Yes indeed, I would get off Facebook if I were you - that's a good plan.

He will be cheating on her once the baby comes and the whole fun and excitement of their relationship has disappeared. He will also come back to you. Don't take him back.

I know someone who stayed with a husband who had a baby with someone else - she found out after the baby had been born from OW. The wife is religious so she decided to stick around but it's been heartbreaking as her husband expects her to be stepmum to this child. You don't want that for yourself I promise.

Bloody hell lass. That is seriously shit.

As others have said, walk away amd stay away from him. Make yourself a new life. There's a wirld of good possibilities out there.

Oh no, what an awful thing to happen. I've seen people who've been together for years break up soon after getting married, I think it highlights the differences in you as a couple than when you got together at the start. Everyone grows and changes and sometimes it takes us away from those who we love. In your case you seemed to both want the same things which has made it particularly heartbreaking but I think that you need to spend some time putting yourself first. Do whatever you need to do in order to get through and that includes no contact. It's torturing yourself and you deserve so much better than that. Sometimes it's OK to have a odd 'wallowing' moment when it all gets too much but after each time get yourself back up and remind yourself of all the positives in your life. You're young, healthy and beautiful. You have lived a full and happy life, with lots of rich experiences, and will do again. Slowly, carefully and with whole-hearted love for yourself.

Very similar thing happened to me, my ex husband had an affair when our DD was 9 months old and got the other woman pregnant. He left her after a couple of months, got with another woman straight away and within 6 weeks had got her pregnant and left her... That year was horrendous and heart breaking and I know you will feel right now like you will never recover. But you WILL. Each day will get easier until one day you will wake up and it won't be the first thing you think of anymore and then you won't think about it at all and all of a sudden you will realise you've moved on and are happy. I wish I could fast forward for you until you reach there but I promise that you will.
It's been 7 years now since my ex did that to me and I've been with my lovely new DP for 5 years and we have a one year old DS together. I never thought I'd get over what my ex did but I did and so much happier not to be married to him anymore

OP you sound incredibly brave and resilient, and it's so good your friends and family are such a source of support. What a horror your 'husband' is. I'm so sorry you have to go through this.

You might not be able to see it now, but you've dodged a bullet. You're 27 years old, and I have no doubt that you will go on to meet somebody wonderful and get married and have babies (I got married at 34 and had babies at 36 and 39, and many many MNers have done similar).

Happier times are coming. Hang in there.