New husband cheating and she's pregnant!

[Dtb27]

I am so happy I found this forum. I have never felt so low as my heart has been crushed just recently and still struggling to come to terms with the fact it’s actually done. I am letting you know my story so that you all know your not alone and hope some of you girls / guys can reassure me that it does get better
Here goes.......

I am 27 and was with my now husband for 9 years, married actually only 39 days!. At the beginning of our relationship he wasn’t perfect but forgave him and ended up having an amazing relationship. Travelled, had a big circle of friends, didn’t argue, no abuse just happy. Even moved away from our family area which I never thought he would do as was a right homebird but he did and was enjoying it. Neither of us had children (he is 30) and we lived life how we enjoyed.
In November 2016 he popped the question and I agreed to be his wife, amazing or so I thought. We started planning the wedding and discussed starting a family. I think the wedding took over and he couldn't stand being second best to that for a while....pathetic. I came off the pill in January in hopes that after we were married we could set off married life and become a family which we had always discussed and dreamed about.
In March he left for his stag doo where he met someone and started an affair with this girl (she is 34 and knew he was the stag getting married) after the stag I saw a change in his behaviour and started to question things I asked him if there was someone else and he said no he just had cold feet and was scared as everything was starting to happen, getting married, trying for a baby and buying a home together. All reasonable excuses I thought. Well we ended up getting married on 20th April 2018 and had the most amazing day, everything went back to normal and enjoyed a couple of weeks together before going on our incredible honeymoon. A week and a half after the honeymoon he told he had been sleeping with someone and she is pregnant! I chucked him out and can honestly say it’s been the worst and most heartbreaking thing I have ever felt. He moved in to a house we had been renting out and was saying all the right things. Then all of a sudden he changed his mind and said he wanted to be apart of the babies life. I said I didn’t think I could handle it but said I would maybe try. This girl hid behind friends and got them to send me messages with all there dirty secrets saying he had even called her on our wedding night and knew about the baby before the wedding which he denies of course. She said such hurtful things and I just deleted them and never replied. He said that the only reason he promised her these things like he would be with her was to keep her quiet and so she wouldn't tell me. He went to the scan with her and he then decided he wanted to be with her and raise this baby. 2 days after the scan he messaged saying how much he loves me and now his dreams have been shattered from his own stupidity. Kept saying he loves me but things wouldn't be the same and he is dead right. Then said he was going to be with her! When he told me that I think that was like a dagger to my heart actually said if he wasn’t going to be there then he would miss the baby’s first steps. I screamed it should have been us! Never had so much emotion at once and he burst out crying and sobbing (which he never does not even when his dad passed away and they were close) he then text the next day saying he knows it should have been us he can't get my words out of his head but knows we couldn't be repaired. Just can't believe my husband is with someone he has known 3 months! Bearing in mind a month of that he hadn’t seen her. He agrees and said I know it was never meant to be like this I wanted a family with you but to much damage has been done your family will hate me blah blah all me me me basically. I have put a post on Facebook that just said when you find out your husband is a lying cheating scumbag apparently I was publicly humiliated him and now it wouldnt be the same. He is right cause now all my family know and he knows he would never be accepted. between us maybe we couldn't work. I have advised him that he was a compulsive liar as she uploaded a pic of them walking her dog together when apparently he was down town sorting thus
We have now cut contact and he is going full steam ahead with this girl. Everyday is a struggle for me and I literally can’t stop crying I feel my hands are tied and there’s nothing I can do. All I want is for him to say it will all be okay but I know that won’t happen and can’t. He has said he loved me and made a mistake that back fired on him greatly and he has to step up. I feel like I have failed as I didn’t have a baby with him, I feel so unattractive, I feel mugged off. All the while there getting on with it. Just struggling how to move forward? I know that the baby is due in Jan and I don’t want to put life my on hold being heartbroken and miserable. How do I move forward?
Thanks for reading my long ass story but just needed to get it off my chest. Stay strong and positive ladies xx

You weren’t solid before this. A man in a solids relationship does not sleep with someone on his stag do. Try not to look on your previous relationship with rose tinted glasses, had she not been pregnant you would be sat there feeling happy with a husband who had shagged someone else weeks before your wedding. You may not feel like it now but you have had a very lucky escape.

@FuckItPassMeTheWine

Thank you for checking in with me I have actually been really good the last few days and starting to realise this is his loss not mine. I saw a solicitor on Monday and found out exactly what I was entitled to so that has made me feel a lot better too.
I know it was a bit soon but my DM kept saying I should try OLD so signed up and have been speaking to someone. Really lovely guy and has asked me out on a date next week. So nervous but I think this is what I need and give my confidence a bit of a boost.

Hopefully it's onwards and upwards from here x

This happened to me except we weren't married, its the worst pain I've ever felt so can't imagine how you must have felt after 9 years and a wedding.

I think some harmless OLD sounds like a great idea, it will help to reinstate your confidence and make you see there are plenty more fish in the sea

Good luck x

@Dtb27 that is wonderful news , I am really so pleased . Glad you went to the solicitor and excellent news about the date ! I think it’s a nice little ego boost .

Here’s to you! xx

And keep us all posted ! (If you want to obviously ) but I’m certain there will be many silver linings that will come your way xx

ahhhh babe! You will look back on this as the time you dodged a bullet! I doubt it feels like that now, but it will. People like that don't change, and if he didn't cheat on you then, he would have eventually, and it would be much more heartbreaking and hard to deal with if you had kids.

My XH cheated on me while we were trying for a baby. At the time I felt like I had my heart ripped out of my chest but now, 5yrs later, I am with an amazing man that I am 8mths pregnant to and I couldn't be more thankful that I got out when I did! Don't wish him to be unhappy, it only sucks your energy, focus that on your own well-being.

You are #1- remember that! It is HIS loss, not yours xx

Just read your post sending you love and hugs xx that relationship will never workout karma is a bitch :) no self respecting woman will look at him after what he did to you. Be good to yourself and just believe someone amazing is out there for you. No contact as Some one said in an earlier post good luck xx

Absolute shit bag...what a lucky escape OP. Good luck to her having a kid with him as I believe once a cheat always a cheat so she's got some fun n games coming to her (hopefully!). It hurts for now and might change you as a person a little bit but you will come out the other side stronger, wiser and ready to move on.

Well a little update......I actually had the police knock on my door asking to leave the OW alone. All I have done is send her friend copies of the text messages he had sent me.
She did this to myself and my friends when this all came out. Sending me messages and messages my H had sent her! Hypocrite or what. I haven't even contacted her and have come off all social media so she can't snoop at me! Absolutely fuming beyond words. How my Exh has the audacity to let her do this to me makes my blood boil. Do they not think I have been put through enough? She has also moved in with him.
I have been up and upbeat all last week and the weekend but the last 2 days I have just felt nothing but rage and anger!
Just struggling with the fact the person I knew and loved is that same person anymore.
I just feel mugged off, I keep getting the short end of everything :( just want Karma to get them. They really don't deserve any happiness.
Thank you all for your support, MN has literally got me through this shit time. fingers crossed that my week improves. X

Meant to say she got friends to message me and my friends!

Also meant to say that I can't believe someone he has known all of 3 months he believes more than me someone who he has spent the last 9 years with x

That's the mark of a desperate woman op, she's staking her territory, those messages seriously fucked her off.

Take comfort if you can that their "connection" is tenuous at best

There's no actual prize won for her side, baby or not, it's making the best of a shit situation. Your in a much better position life wise now, than he's ever going to be right now.

I reckon his jaw muscles must be screaming with all the fake smiling he's having to do 😁

Just walk away with your head held high OP. She knows the truth about her arsehole boyfriend and doesn’t like it. You’ve had a lucky escape!

Thank you @Guiltypleasures001 I needed that bit of reassurance.

I found out today that my ExMIL and my EXBIL all went out for a meal with them yesterday to meet the horrible bitch! Apparently his DM said it was fine they looked like they have been together for years! Literally broke my heart :( I found this out through my neice.

I just feel like he is getting on with it, really happy and seems like he genuinely doesn't think he has done anything wrong. Makes me feel sick.

I just can't believe this is the same person I married in April! X

@PurpleFlower1983 Thank you i know he is no prize after doing what he's done but makes me so mad she thinks she has. Apart from this we were really good together and can't help but put myself down and thinking is it something I did? What has she got that I haven't? I feel like I have lost everything and he has lost nothing :( x

OP this is terrible!! Karma will get him. She's got herself a cheater she hasn't won a blooming thing. Better this happened now than after kids w you but still it shouldn't have happened at all really

OP please do not let any hurt or anger effect your life anymore than his cheating arse ever has. Change your phone number if you can and only speak to him through a solicitor.

They are still in the honeymoon phase of the relationship where its all new and exciting.. that will SOON wear off and karma will follow.

Stay strong and move on. You are soooo much better off without.

Mil is in between a rock and a hard place, whatever he has done, she can't alienate either of them cause that's her grandchild, sorry lovely harsh but honest, that's blood, it will come first.

She will gloss over it to give them a thin veneer of respectability for the child's sake, I doubt she's impressed though.

Your only job now, is to make plans and inch forward as best you can, it's not a race, you will get there.

Gently going low contact with his family is needed, until you can cut them off, refuse to discuss him her or any of it, with anyone, they are no longer part of your life, they don't have your interests at heart anymore.

But they're not your ex military and ex bill, are they? Because he's s weirdo, scum bag who married his long term partner, while having sex with and impregnating another woman a few short months ago. So he's still married, separated two mins, and has a pregnant girlfriend from while had was still.married.

His life and hers is a low rent. Jeremy Kyle shit shoe.

His family are doing the classic 'trying to make the best of it', and all sorts of rubbish will be talked to make themselves feel better about their sons disgraceful, immoral, scummy behaviour.

My family also did similar for a disastrous knocked up situation and subsequent marriage my sister got into, of course it broke down eventually and theirs prob will too bit whether it does it doesn't your only job is to look after yourself, recover and move on.

As for her report ,clearly you could have done that when you received her message d bit you didn't because you're not desperate and low.

Love, their setup is a message, a dirty mess and anyone can see that. Leave them to the bullshit mental and verbal manoeuvring needed to make it ok.

Is there anythingyou can do away from your usual area and hobbies to get your mind off it. Hiking maybe, meet new people, get away from your usual haubtsgp on short trips etc?

Ex military lol ex mil

His family will of course ultimately be on his side so as others have said it’s time to back away from this.

Sorry if you’ve said this already but do you have a house together/mortgage or is it just the divorce/annulment that needs sorting?

Sorry any all the autocorrect typos

Also, do you think you're seeing the relationship through rose tinted glasses, maybe being naive?

People rarely turn out to be this immoral completely out of the blue.

I agree with merville. Also, the niece is stirring and clearly likes a drama!

I’d start a journal, trust me! It helps!! When me and ex of 4 years broke up he was with another woman publicly 2 weeks later and went on holiday with her 4 weeks after (apparently they met AFTER we broke up) the. Moved her in to the bungalow WE had renovated for ourselves a week after that

I had depression for 2 1/2 years because of everything that happened and when I went to councellor they said to write a journal everyday of how you feel and why you feel that way. After a week read back and you’ll start to realise things that got to you before won’t have that much effect after

Also get out! Go places and spend time with friends 😄 I found I started seeing a lot more of my friends after and have a great group now

You’ll be okay hun 😘 chin up

Also you have a huge amount bro get your head around in a v short time, thanks to him lying to you about cheating on his stag do and continuing to cheat after it (all while going ahead with your wedding and presumably letting you think you'd be trying for kids in the v near future). He's deprived you of the normal opportunity to come to terms with the breakdown of a relationship, (and s v long term one at that) the end of a marriage, and of your partner moving on. It's all been thrown at you in one huge heap v suddenly, within a very short time. On top of all that the pain of him having a child with someone else.

People take years to get over these things when they happen gradually and in order!
You've done so incredibly well to hold it together the way you have.

You were with him for a long time, saw him as your life partner and it will take time to recover. But you will meet someone else and you will be ok. You have, as others have said, dodged a bullet -nop e decent could do what he's done. Just thank your lucky stars you hadn't gotten pregnant by him, tied to that scumbag and maybe even at the same time as the other wiman- like cows in a fkg bulls little harem.

(He was also risking your health and any potential baby's health by having unprotected sex with her during your relationship incidentally).