New husband cheating and she's pregnant!

[Dtb27]

I am so happy I found this forum. I have never felt so low as my heart has been crushed just recently and still struggling to come to terms with the fact it’s actually done. I am letting you know my story so that you all know your not alone and hope some of you girls / guys can reassure me that it does get better
Here goes.......

I am 27 and was with my now husband for 9 years, married actually only 39 days!. At the beginning of our relationship he wasn’t perfect but forgave him and ended up having an amazing relationship. Travelled, had a big circle of friends, didn’t argue, no abuse just happy. Even moved away from our family area which I never thought he would do as was a right homebird but he did and was enjoying it. Neither of us had children (he is 30) and we lived life how we enjoyed.
In November 2016 he popped the question and I agreed to be his wife, amazing or so I thought. We started planning the wedding and discussed starting a family. I think the wedding took over and he couldn't stand being second best to that for a while....pathetic. I came off the pill in January in hopes that after we were married we could set off married life and become a family which we had always discussed and dreamed about.
In March he left for his stag doo where he met someone and started an affair with this girl (she is 34 and knew he was the stag getting married) after the stag I saw a change in his behaviour and started to question things I asked him if there was someone else and he said no he just had cold feet and was scared as everything was starting to happen, getting married, trying for a baby and buying a home together. All reasonable excuses I thought. Well we ended up getting married on 20th April 2018 and had the most amazing day, everything went back to normal and enjoyed a couple of weeks together before going on our incredible honeymoon. A week and a half after the honeymoon he told he had been sleeping with someone and she is pregnant! I chucked him out and can honestly say it’s been the worst and most heartbreaking thing I have ever felt. He moved in to a house we had been renting out and was saying all the right things. Then all of a sudden he changed his mind and said he wanted to be apart of the babies life. I said I didn’t think I could handle it but said I would maybe try. This girl hid behind friends and got them to send me messages with all there dirty secrets saying he had even called her on our wedding night and knew about the baby before the wedding which he denies of course. She said such hurtful things and I just deleted them and never replied. He said that the only reason he promised her these things like he would be with her was to keep her quiet and so she wouldn't tell me. He went to the scan with her and he then decided he wanted to be with her and raise this baby. 2 days after the scan he messaged saying how much he loves me and now his dreams have been shattered from his own stupidity. Kept saying he loves me but things wouldn't be the same and he is dead right. Then said he was going to be with her! When he told me that I think that was like a dagger to my heart actually said if he wasn’t going to be there then he would miss the baby’s first steps. I screamed it should have been us! Never had so much emotion at once and he burst out crying and sobbing (which he never does not even when his dad passed away and they were close) he then text the next day saying he knows it should have been us he can't get my words out of his head but knows we couldn't be repaired. Just can't believe my husband is with someone he has known 3 months! Bearing in mind a month of that he hadn’t seen her. He agrees and said I know it was never meant to be like this I wanted a family with you but to much damage has been done your family will hate me blah blah all me me me basically. I have put a post on Facebook that just said when you find out your husband is a lying cheating scumbag apparently I was publicly humiliated him and now it wouldnt be the same. He is right cause now all my family know and he knows he would never be accepted. between us maybe we couldn't work. I have advised him that he was a compulsive liar as she uploaded a pic of them walking her dog together when apparently he was down town sorting thus
We have now cut contact and he is going full steam ahead with this girl. Everyday is a struggle for me and I literally can’t stop crying I feel my hands are tied and there’s nothing I can do. All I want is for him to say it will all be okay but I know that won’t happen and can’t. He has said he loved me and made a mistake that back fired on him greatly and he has to step up. I feel like I have failed as I didn’t have a baby with him, I feel so unattractive, I feel mugged off. All the while there getting on with it. Just struggling how to move forward? I know that the baby is due in Jan and I don’t want to put life my on hold being heartbroken and miserable. How do I move forward?
Thanks for reading my long ass story but just needed to get it off my chest. Stay strong and positive ladies xx

She is truly is horrible evil human being and he will regret what he has done for the rest of his life. I sure hope the sex was good because he paid dearly for it.

You are only 27 and will find someone much, much better and fall in love and have a lovely life. You are so young yet.

You are definitely doing the right thing and sound very brave and strong. This whole thing has demonstrated he is not the man you thought he was when you married him. He's a low life and probably would have done this anyway a few years down the line if not with this woman - maybe when you had a child or two and were more dependent on him.

You are young and will find someone better. In the meantime, if you can afford it, how about booking a holiday around the time the baby is due, somewhere challenging or different, or somewhere you've always fancied but he didn't? Skiing? Safari? Spa? The world is your lobster. Strapped for cash? How about a volunteering break or one of those group bike rides across the desert or hike in Nepal where you raise funds for charity to take part? Something challenging and out of your comfort zone.

Focus on your goals and what you want to do and leave this loser to his own devices. He barely knows this woman, chances are slim they'll stay together after getting together in these circumstances, but who cares? Living your own life to the full is the best revenge.

This wasn't down to anything about you, , that you weren't good enough etc, it's all him and the fact that he's just an awful person.

A similar thing happened to a friend of mine, although her ex did call of the wedding off a week before it was supposed to happen and he blamed her but then it emerged he'd knocked up another woman. It took her time to get over it but she's married and has a baby with someone else now, and her ex is divorced as he cheated on the woman he cheated on my friend with.

It hurts like hell but you will get past this, look after yourself, stay busy and surround yourself with good people.

Well last night was a bit hard for me as a friend of ours (more his friend) went out with them and actually posted a picture of them together! Likely enough I had deleted said person but all my friends saw it. It's like they have no and no care about rubbing it in my face. I suppose the reality is they are together so this is going to happen and I just have to dig deep and push through. I know looks aren't everything but this girl is so ugly and it actually made me feel better that people were commenting say you left your wife for that? I know it's petty but for a moment it felt like I had more people on my side than I thought. This morning because of the amazing replies I have received I have felt stronger and think F**K them! What is there relationship based on? Lies and the fact she is pregnant. No good / solid relationship starts that way or stays together that way. Good riddens to bad rubbish!! Xx

God OP. We all admire you hugely for your strength. I know it's the pits right now but you seem level headed. You will get through this.

My god you deserve so much better. He hasn't even chosen her, she's the second choice, she was only meant to be a meaningless shag and now he's stuck with her but you're free!! He's an absolute dick but really he's done you a favour, you are still young and can have loads of fun while he's listening to a screaming snotty baby with a woman he doesn't even like very much.

This time is for you now - he's been completely selfish so you should be too. A makeover maybe? Pursue your hobbies, read books you've been meaning to for ages, find yourself again. And I promise that before long, you'll wonder what an incredible, strong, beautiful woman like you ever saw in a scumbag like him.

I cannot imagine the mental acrobatics he's having to come up with on a daily basis
To make any of this come across as normal.

The psychic output he has to find, to appear to her that she is his first choice yet alone his family and friends must be mind numbing.

Op I know your hurting as I'm so genuinely sorry for this, but honestly the poor lamb is gonna hit burn out hard at some point. Hopefully though you will be a lot further down the road in your own recovery.

He's a tit of epic proportions, he knows this, the problem is he cannot allow himself to lose anymore face with anyone, he's shafted himself good and proper, as well as you. The thing is you get to walk away and survive another day, he doesn't

Omg how terrible. My stbxh didnt do that but he has treated me and my children terribly and constantly tries to rub my noise in it. Its been 18 months and by far the most satisfying and empowering thing is, how i give less and less of a shit! I carnt control what they get up to but im getting stronger and stronger and i have learnt sooo much about myself! I just hold my head up high and smile, hes nothing and tbh im glad to be rid.
Its really hard in the early days to disconnect, but you have to try. Block him on fb and other social media. Also as you haven't been married for long look at getting the marriage annulled. Take control of the situation and forge ahead, he will know that your not a woman to be messed with. No matter how god dam hard it is count your lucky stars you didn't have a baby with him. Trying to parent with such an ass would be a life time of pure misery. You deserve more

It'll never work between him & her. She will never be able to trust him and his life will forever be full of drama. They deserve each other quite frankly and at least you can take comfort in the knowledge that when you do eventually meet someone new & have a baby it won't all be shrouded in secrecy & lies because that's all they have together and that's what this baby will be born from and that's just bloody awful.

My heart aches for you just reading this.
Do you have any savings at all? Could you take 6 months to a year out and just travel and heal yourself?
My ex did a similar thing to me. We were about to move to America, he had someone else on the go and for about 6 weeks he wanted to be with me then didn't etc.. i ended up homeless in the end and sofa surfed for a bit in a city where i knew no-one accept some nice co-works at my new my job.
He ended up dumping his OW and then i found out recently that he'd married another girl within a year of us splitting up and and his OW. I feel sorry for her as he's not the settling type. At the time i wished similar things, i wanted him to call me and to beg so i could tell where to go. It never happened and i sat around for nearly a year waiting for that call. Best thing i ever did was write a list and made plans to travel

I will echo what my grandmother said to me when my (then) new husband cheated on me and I wanted him back (so did the OW)

“Really, he’s hardly a catch dear. He’s a lying, lowdown, filthy cheat- let her have the booby prize”

How right she was. Luckily there was little social media presence then. I do hear he’s on wife number 4 now though. How I laughed.

Not sorry.

That's horrible. Consider it a lucky escape. At least you can divorce him and never look at his cheating face again. Things will get better for you. I promise

I'm so sorry to read this :( did he say why he started the affair or how it happened?

I have looked in to getting the marriage annulled but I can't as we consummated the marriage. However if I had got pregnant by another man before we got married then he could divorce me but not the other way round! Sexiest or what. I am going to speak to a solicitor next week to see what my options are.
When asked why he did it, he said he didn't really know, the excitement, attention and his ego apparently I made it easy (as trusted him and didn't question why he kept going out with the lads) also pressure of the wedding. Well what is he going to do with a baby? That's a lot more pressure I would say. Just hope it blows up in there face as they really don't deserve any happiness. Thanks again for the continued support this post and the replies have really lifted me today. Thank you all keep them coming! Xx

Wait til he's up at 3am with a screaming child - nothing like shitty nappy to spoil the romance.

That is so awful. I admire how strong you are. It sounds unbearable but you'll get through it day by day.x

So look after yourself, love yourself, treat yourself - some gorgeous new clothes maybe? You've had a lucky escape. And no, you won't be able to get an annulment, but you can apply for a divorce on the grounds of adultery after you've been married for a year.

Like people have said OP, she's won a lying cheating scumbag. Hardly a prize is he?

You deserve so much better and you will find it. When you're all loved up in your next relationship you will look back and think "thank fuck I'm not with him, I'm so happy now!"

Enjoy being single. I know I did after I kicked exH out. Reconnect with old friends and new, start building a new kind of life.

Good luck x

So sorry for what you are going through

Please know that anyone who stays his friend after this behaviour is not your friend at all. Ditch them in all ways possible.

So sorry OP. But honestly, you are better off without him. Thank goodness you didn't have a baby with a cheating horrible bloke like this. His new relationship won't last either built on this foundation. Block and ignore and divorce. 27 is so young. Put it behind you and never look back.

I hope the solicitor can sort something for you, you should have grounds to annul given the circumstances. Saying that, more fool him for just taking this woman’s word for it that the baby is even his! She had unprotected sex with a man on a drunken night out, for all he knows she could already have been pregnant at that stage or done the same with other men...

Also worth pointing out that she hasn’t won here, not one jot. She has started a relationship on a bed of lies and is dragging a child into that. A baby is a huge strain even on the toughest of relationships, let alone one that started the way this did. As others have said, the novelty will wear off when they’re dealing with a screaming baby through the night and shitty nappies. They won’t last and she’ll be left alone with his baby, is that really a prize worth winning?

You’ve had a lucky escape. It will take months or even a year or so before you feel great again but you will get there and you definitely will meet someone you actually deserve to be with . You are luckily young and should also count your lucky stars that you aren’t pregnant too! Block, block, block.

I'd plan a long holiday for around when the baby is due, to minimise the drama and pain. They'll be exhausted and fighting like rats in a sack (if they're even still together, which is unlikely) and you'll be sun-kissed and carefree somewhere lovely with a hot holiday romance guy.

I'd be asking the lawyer about annulment on the grounds of fraud. Also about recouping the costs of the wedding from him.

It will get easier op. I'm 4 weeks on from finding out my arshole husband has been having an affair. He's had it easy as he had a stroke and I found out whilst he was in the hospital.
We have 2 children and yes it's been horrific but I can honestly say I feel strong and I'm so glad I found out.
Your husband will never be happy after this.
But you will be! Ignore him and block him in everything.
See a solicitor divorce the fucker. Book a holiday and treat yourself.

The thing is, he hardly knows this woman and he's only with her because she's pregnant and he's wrecked things with you. I'd be surprised if this even lasts until the baby's born. What a selfish, cheating arsehole.