Questions for other woman

[TheMonkeyMummy]

Asking for a friend, but if you have one chance to ask (non aggressive, no one wants a shouting match) questions, what would you ask?

I can't think beyond was it worth it, what did you think the outcome would be and did you ever think about your families.

Haha ivgotasecret that’s where you are absolutely wrong.

I haven’t read much else (as I was actually trying to answer the OP’s question) but I suspect you are one of the OW on this thread trying to justify your existence.

But it’s nice to have an insight into how ridiculously self important women like you can think you are. I am waaaaay better than the OW in our case. My only crime was that I had 2 children under 2 and so couldn’t give my ‘precious’ husband my fullest attention. Coupled with the fact that he had turned into an arrogant cunt whose only purpose was to ensure that he was fully pampered at all times.

So no, none of those things were the reason he ‘shagged’ her. The main reasons were that he was a pathetic imbecile and she was a pathetic bitch.

But I did obviously momentarily forget that all OW are theeeee most attractive, intelligent and philanthropic people in the world of course. That’s why they have to pursue someone else’s husband

if you really were an all round more attractive, smarter and better person your husband wouldn’t have wanted to shag her would he.

😂😂😂
Have you ever met more than 2 men?? I know plenty of men who have fucked another woman waaaay below the standard of their wife or girlfriend just because they could. It was that simple. They were total arseholes.
And to value yourself as "better" because you managed to snare one of these sexually incontinent morons away from his wife is pitiful.

A lot of insecure men can't cope with women who are more intelligent, capable, popular, successful, or attractive than them.

They choose affair partners who make them feel bigger and better about themselves because they're less intelligent, successful, competent, etc.

I've never been cheated on but I have seen this pattern happen a lot. It's why they go for younger women too - less likely to see through their bullshit and laugh in their face.

No I understand men perfectly well. I was simply replying to a post that was contradictory in its entirety.

@AnastasiaVonBeaverhausen (love your username btw) I never said I was the better woman my post was directly quoting a poster who said she was the better person and I was replying to that.

@LuckyStar1- no I am not the OW trying to ‘justify my existence’ my now DH did end his marriage as it was the right thing to do as we wanted to be together.

I am not attempting to justify the actions of woman who have affairs and judging by posts on this thread, some woman do it for sexual gratification and nothing more. However you simply cannot help who you fall in love with of course I wish my DH was single when we met but he wasn’t and we fell in love with each other even though we both tried to stop it.

As I said previously I did feel guilty but I am now married to the love of my life and he feels exactly the same way. We fit together perfectly and even his exDW sees that now.

There is NO justification for deceiving a partner in matters of the heart.

I get that you can't help who you fall in love with but if you're supposed to be in a committed relationship then if you feel things are going that way then end one of the relationships so you don't become a devious liar.

I could see 'my' OW falling in love with my ExH as he was helping her with her MH issues and I warned him so many times that this was likely to happen and instead of stepping away he fell in love with her too. If he'd have had half the respect for me which he claimed to then he'd have ended it with one of us rather than stringing me along. He even expected to be able to spend the evening with her then come back to my bed - idiot!

Why is having a woman apparently scared of you something to be proud of? That's so lame and childish. Blimey.

@Ivegotasecretyoucankeepit

Sorry yes, I should have clarified - the "you" I was referring to about valuing yourself as better etc was a general one, not at you directly.

Luckily Bluebell I couldn’t give a shit what you think.

Life is not black and white.
The sisterhood is not real.

Its nothing to do with sisterhood.

Its realising that as a decent human being you deal with your current relationships (spouse and any children)before moving on to the next one.

I truly believe some people simply lack a certain level of empathy and awareness. A basic awareness that no matter how loved up they feel, no matter hoe much they believe they've found their soul mate that the decent thing is to sort out your current relationship/family.

And as a parent embarking on an affair your decision to have had children means you can't be led by your own wants and desires in isolation.

It really isn’t about sisterhood though is it?

@luckystar1 I didn't expect you would. That would take maturity.

@WizardOfToss - If you read my post then you would realise I have quoted someone else’s comments.

I can only talk from my own experience. People here say it’s always best to do the decent thing which for all terms and purposes should be that way. Sometimes it’s not that easy. My eH really thought the divorce was a crazy idea and wouldn’t really let me go until I came cl3an about my affair. It was something somewhat similar for my partner. My partner and I were unhappy in our marriages we were just the trigger to finally leave.

The other thing is that maybe you stop seeing each other / not have sex but you would technically still be leaving for someone else. To my partners ex in her own words it wouldn’t have made a difference

This thread is a perfect illustration of why these conversations are pointless. People have asked questions, OW have answered them honestly, and the askers just feel even more hurt and angry.

The only thing that would make you feel better would be if the OW gave you a grovelling apology and told you she was utterly miserable and would never be happy again. Even if that's true, she's not going to tell you, so why bother?

Periwinkle, if my ex had just left me for someone else it would have been a lot easier. Instead he made it as obvious as possible that he was having an affair and just denied it and played mind games with me when I asked what was going on. I thought I needed evidence, or that we needed to work through something (there had been zero warning), so stayed on for far too long while he texted her constantly in front of me and the kids, stayed out overnight with ridiculous explanations, had an amazing number of "business trips", and at the same time making me out to be a bitch for suspecting him, saying "what sort of a wife refuses to sleep with her husband?" (one who didn't want to catch anything) and showing zero sympathy, looking at me coldly when I cried.

You may be the poster girl for affairs, but don't forget that for many of us, an affair understandably means the dirtiest, lowest kind of behaviour.

@Djnoun - Let's think of your lover's wife. She (most certainly) doesn't want to be cheated on. None of us marries with the thought "ah well, he might cheat on me one day", we sort of enter this contract to be exclusive to others. So she'd be mightily upset if she knew. You are already hurting her - and yet she didn't do you anything wrong.

It boils down to this: why hurt someone who didn't do you any wrong? is good sex worth this price?

OP - I asked a similar question to a friend, "What kind of person would try and see a married man?" and the answer was "Some people don't think you own a person".

I remember it really jarred me as I thought "It's not about "owning", it's about not hurting another human being who didn't do you any harm".

But there you go, a possible answer to your question.

bloody there's no point trying to reason with people like that, they literally don't give a damn about anyone else as long as they get what they want.

It's difficult for the rest of us to accept but there are some people who genuinely have no empathy whatsoever.

I know one of them, in a different context but he has hurt a huge number of people and destroyed their lives and genuinely has not one scrap of remorse. Djnoun is very clearly the same.

ravenmum I do get that and I think that and to some extent I get why it’s been so hard on his ex. Our affair might not have been very long (3 months), but he had made very clear even before he met me in person that he had a thing for me, which I think his ex was not oblivious to and he kept denying it all even after they had separated. He eventually came clean. I on the other hand, asked for divorce within 10 days of meeting him and came clean a couple of weeks after that.

To answer the OP, was it worth it? Yes it was, in the sense that that’s how I met someone who I can genuinely feel I can share the rest of my life with, who loves me deeply and who I love just as much. (Because of this his ex suspects that we had to have known each other for longer than 3 months, but no, simply we’re just extremely compatible).

What’s did i think the outcome would be? given that I think 95% (well a very high number) of men never leave their wives, I for a couple of months always had this background thought that maybe he was playing me, but I always knew he had to be telling the truth because of his general behaviour, so in the end I hoped for us being together. Which is what ended up happening.

DId I think about our families? I thought about mine, and how to handle it. My exH and I were on the same page about everything, I knew how he would react and what his ideal outcome would be. We’ve worked as a team, always trying to do what’s best for our daughter. She’s extremely;y well adjusted and actually loves to spend time with my partner, she knows his kids and that’s what’s been difficult for her to understand why she can’t hang out with them.

For him it’s a different story as he’s to some extent lost his children although his ex (by the way she and her family reacted for the first couple of months) helped alienating them. Our actions are the main reason for it, but let’s say that didn’t help at all.

@BloodyDisgrace

Yes, you do enter into a marriage to have an exclusive sexual relationship with someone. But what happens to your partner if you decide that you no longer wish to engage in a sexual relationship? You then force that person into a lifetime of celibacy, don't you?

@GorgonLondon

You seem to have some trouble controlling yourself from attacking me, which I can only assume because this has touched a particular nerve for you.

But in response to your statement, no I don't feel remorse for wrecking someone's life because I haven't wrecked anyone's life.

I ripped into the OW for a good 15 mins and she was pathetic. They generally are to get involved in the first place, lets face it. Full of self pity ("I was abused by my ex I needed someone")
I had my say, and I'm glad I did. She steers well clear of me. It 2 weeks til she shacked up with someone fresh out the jail. The desperation is real.