Questions for other woman

[TheMonkeyMummy]

Asking for a friend, but if you have one chance to ask (non aggressive, no one wants a shouting match) questions, what would you ask?

I can't think beyond was it worth it, what did you think the outcome would be and did you ever think about your families.

It's actually quite sad that the OW here have fuck all remorse. I've had PTSD ever since. It's made me dreadfully ill and I've attempted to take my life.

I've never been cheated on djnoun, but some of us can feel empathy for other people. I realize this is outside your experience or ability to understand, but have no interest in your views on me or on anything else. You're doing a good job of showing those who have been betrayed what they are up against.

Luckystars post was full of rage and contradictions. The ow is petrified of her but on the other hand she disrespects her and doesn’t care. You expected her to leave her job because she had an affair with your husband- why should she? why doesn’t your husband leave his job?

It seems to me you are fighting over your husband like he’s some great prize. He cheated on you, take that up with him. The ow owes you nothing and your behavior is out of order.

I was once the OW, the man was lovely but had a six month old baby, he was feeling a bit left out. I never thought he would leave his wife or, wanted him to leave, we were in love, but I've no doubt he loves his wife, they are still together 18 years later.

It was less sexual and more just that we got on very well, although we did have sex in their bed. It ended when his second child was born, it was so weird, I was very in tune with their relationship and knew when she got pregnant, before being told. Not sure if she knew about me, but I did meet her and her family.

I felt guilty but it was fun. I remember lying in bed together with him when his DW was heavily pregnant and him kissing my washboard flat stomach, and saying how beautiful it was, I felt quite uncomfortable.

We are still friends but don't see each other often.

Yeah, Marigold, very likely story, love

MrsMarigold
What was the purpose of that story other than to provoke hatred from those of us have been cheated on?
Personally I couldn't live with myself if I found someone I was seeing was cheating on their wife, but that's just me.

Patently, and not even cleverly trolling :)

@Djnoun i missed the part where you said your affair partners wife is forcing him to stay in a celebate marriage. What a load of tosh.

He is choosing to stay, fully aware of all the facts. His wife on the other hand is making decisions based on yours and his lies. Poor woman. Her life isnt even her own.

It's not all black and white. I'm now married and have my own DC, actually I think if DH had another woman I'd be quite relieved, so long as it wasn't permanent. The middle classes are very puritanical, an affair can provide you with a breather. If you have several houses it's easier, the man I saw had four houses and they didn't live together all the time. His wife had had affairs too. I was never in competition with his wife, I just existed alongside her. I guess my point is people can make too much of infidelity. Most men (and I know plenty through work and sport) cheat but don't get too upset generally it's not serious and passes. Most do actually love their wives/GFs.

I'm not a troll, I just don't think your moral superiority is very nice, even the best partners make mistakes.

@Chucklecheeks1

I also mentioned that they are both quite a bit older than me. They have also been married for a very long time. I think it is entirely credible that their sexual relationship has ended.

He has voiced to me that he suspects she must realise he is seeking sexual contact elsewhere, due to the length of time it has been since they last had sex. But I'm not in a position to comment on that being a third party who has never met her.

You're not a troll, just baiting me by saying I'm morally superior?
Seriously, washboard stomach? Sex in their bed? Feeling a bit left out? Puritanical middle classes? Come on now, you can do better than that.

actually I think if DH had another woman I'd be quite relieved, so long as it wasn't permanent

With bullshit like this, we're still meant to believe you're not a troll?

Most do actually love their wives/GFs

Not enough to be honest with them it seems. Trust is such a necessary part of any relationship and an affair destroys this.

And you haven't answered my question - what do you think posting about how wonderful affairs are is going to achieve on a thread supporting a poor woman who's life has just been turned upside down by just this?

@purplelass

The person who started this thread stated it was her friend and not her who was the wounded party.

@Djnoun
The person who started this thread stated it was her friend and not her who was the wounded party.

Your point being?
This thread was to advise and support the cheated party, not celebrate the trash that cheat FFS

I would expect a thread about questions you would put to OW to attract answers from OW.

I'd also expect not to like the answers.

It was obvious that people with relevant experience would comment. I see explanations, plain explanations. I don't see anyone asking to be lauded.

I reckon OW’s are just bored with their lot, judging by the amount of time they have on line. (No I’ve not been cheated on) just a neutral observation.

I don’t think you’ll get any answers which satisfy your friend op. Just shallowness and me, me, me.

The OP was asking "What questions would you ask the OW?" Not "What is the answer to this question?" - so no reason for any OWs to comment tbh.

The OP was asking "What questions would you ask the OW?" Not "What is the answer to this question?" - so no reason for any OWs to comment tbh.

I have a huge sympathy for all the people who have been so devastated by infidelity, but I really think this is a stretch. You ask questions because you want to know the answers. A thread asking people what questions they'd ask OW is going to get answers to those questions. How do you ask any question without asking for its answer? The answers are questions, questions beget answers.

And surprise surprise, people don't like the answers. Well that was obvious. I said in my first comment that this line of questioning is only going to increase people's hurt, distress and anger.

I wasn't surprised that OWs replied - but they obviously misunderstood the point of the thread.

If I say "What questions do I need to ask my potential employer at an interview?", people would suggest questions. They wouldn't try to tell me the answers, as it would be obvious I could get various answers, and that I wasn't asking them for the answers.

@ravenmum

That's not really a comparable analogy. The issue in this case is that the truth is painful to hear.

DJnoun - sure, the answers are going to be hard to hear whatever they are - but it is a good comparison as that the OP was not asking for answers. Her friend wants answers, not from some random OWs who might have all sorts fo answers but from the speific OW who can answer her in this case.

Sorry ravenmum, I think that's nuts. If a thread was started asking for questions to ask potential employers, I would fully expect actual employers to make suggestions, or suggest answers to those questions.

It's understandable to be angry about OW, obviously, but it's really daft to suggest that one shouldn't expect them to reply to questions that people have explicitly said they want to ask them!

So if said "What else can I ask for apart from my starting salary?" I'd get people telling me it would be 24,000 a year? OK!