Starting over after 25 years - Part deux

[Lily007]

Wow need to start a new thread.

The support I’ve had from all the posters has been amazing and very much appreciated and I hope will continue.

Hello Lily007, happy new year to you. I’ve been following you too, in fact I think of you every day, I think you been amazing, I am separating from my husband, our house is on the market. I’ve never loved anyone like I loved him and was devastated (alcohol issues) 42 years together. But, I’m mentally in a good place and so glad I am. I cannot wait for my new life and I’m excited. How the tables have turned. Never thought I would ever be saying this. I’m glad your more positive, interesting he’s holding back! I wonder why? Sending love Lily. Keep posting 🌷

So glad to hear your doing ok. You said that he wasn’t very good with paperwork and that you kept things in order so it might be that or as you say might be trying to hide his spending, who can predict what he is up to.

Do you have anything nice to look forward to in 2019? Wishing you all the best for a better year ahead.

Happy New Year Lily.

Happy New Year Lily

Glad to see that Xmas and New Year were good for you, I'm sure the New Year is not going to be without its challenges but I feel you are so much stronger and able to deal with them now

Another one who has been watching and occasionally posted on here. I hope you can look forward to 2019 in a more positive way. Who'd have thought you are very close to filling up your 2nd post ! I expect a fair few of us are hoping to follow you in your journey and you will open up a 3rd. We need to see Mr KH get his just desserts !

Hi everyone. Happy New Year and thank you so much for the good wishes.

I’ve got quite a few things planned with my 2 closest friends. We’ve decided we’ll go out at least once a month to a nice restaurant and we’re also going to go to the cinema perhaps once a month too. We’ve just booked to go to Edinburgh for a long weekend in May.

We try to get together every couple of weeks at my house for eats, a couple of glasses of wine and a catch up 😊

@VictoriaBun I’ll definitely set up another thread to keep you informed about the progress of the divorce proceedings.

I worry about how I’ll manage financially but I don’t miss KH any longer. I have to admit I still hope that his relationship with OW goes tits up just so he can feel some of the heartache he inflicted on me.

I got a letter from his solicitor last week asking me when I intend applying for the decree nisi! I wrote back stating that I was as keen as he is for our divorce to be finalised but until he provides all his financial information I don’t intend applying for the nisi. Thing is, if I apply for the nisi but don’t apply for the absolute, he can make an application for the absolute. When he starts playing ball, I will too 😉

It’s amazing how strongly you are talking now Lily, you seem so focused and on top of things, that’s brilliant you have made plans with your friends, we all need our friends. Good for you 🌹

Well done Lily. I often look in in this thread to see how you’re doing. Please do keep us informed

Sounds like the sunshine 🌞🌞 has come back in your life.

@Lily007 it's great to hear you sounding so positive and it sounds like you're really getting on with life, just brilliant.

Yes start a new thread when you have some developments or need Lily's cheerleaders for any advice.

It's lovely to see you coming out the other side and I certainly can't see KH's life running smoothly here on in, so I wouldn't worry on that account.

Happy New Year! 👊🏻

Ooh @Tootstastic it’s lovely to hear from you and thank you 😊

Yes I certainly feel I’ve turned a corner and I’m looking forward now.

I’m just reading Vikki Stark’s book “Planet Heartbreak” it’s a collection of stories from women who were abandoned by their husbands after being married for many years. It’s unbelievable how many husbands just bail without any warning. Nearly every woman says they thought their marriage was really good and then wham, he’s gone!

I’m sure most of you will have read it already but, if you’ve not, it’s well worth reading.

It’s funny only this morning I was sitting at my kitchen table having a coffee and I thought about all the times I would sit opposite him whilst he devoured whatever “fad” food he was eating for his fitness regime and I honestly shuddered. There was many a morning when I just wanted to shove his face into his plate! That made me smile 😊

You have definitely turned a corner! It's wonderful!

Sounds like you're finally seeing with clear eyes what he was really like now the fog has lifted. That will keep you going when he tries to mess you about with the finances.

You fake good care of yourself and you'll soon be on here telling us all about your adventures. I can't wait 😘

Lily I mostly lurk, but have followed your threads from the start. Thanks for mentioning the book Planet Heartbreak, I have read Vicki's earlier book and was one of the people to recommend it to you, but I didn't realise that she had written another one.

I have just bought it on my kindle, and will give it a read.

Glad you are going on ok, I know it's not easy

Happy New Year Lily! Hope it's a good one for you and yours. You are sounding great. And of course you are!

Thank you so much

@myhamster let me know what you think about the book.

@MsPavlichenko. Nice to hear from you again and Happy New Year to you too 😊.

I’m having a bit of a wobble today 😔

I’ve been trying to have mini clear outs so that when I eventually sell the house I won’t have masses to throw out all at once. I have a wicker basket where I keep magazines etc, I was sorting through the mags earlier and I found the last anniversary card he sent me just 6 months before he left. He’d written “To Lily The love of my life, you mean everything to me, I love you with all my heart”. How can someone go from that to “I don’t give a toss about you” in a few months?

Also, I’ve just checked my FB account and realised that my next door neighbour has unfriended me. I thought it was a bit odd as her husband hasn’t unfriended me but when I looked at her “friends” list there’s OW! I know I shouldn’t let it bother me but she always says hi and asks how I’m doing, as if she’s really concerned, two faced cow!

I’m sure I’ll feel better again tomorrow, I just thought I was totally over him but finding the card and discovering my neighbour has clearly decided to condone his behaviour, has made me feel quite sad again 😢

Sorry your day has not been great.
With regard to your neighbour ' Keep your friends close, and your enemies even closer '.
Put a big smile on your face every time you leave the house, and always have a cheery wave and a friendly quip for her as it will probably be getting back to him/her.

FB is the work of the devil ... If you allow it to be. Ignore and smile away in real life. How sad he must be to have to corral in old neighbours as " friends" Probably OW been told she is moving in , wouldn't be surprised. He is delusional as you know.

Not surprising you are having a blip. Grief isn't linear, and New Year always a bittersweet time. But, look to how far you've come. You are a Star, and your future is waiting for you without the sefish, entitled and shallow loser he turned out to be.

Sorry you’re feeling shit Lily. FB can be treacherous for stuff like this, but one thing to bear in mind is that your ‘female’ neighbour has unfriended you, but not your ‘male’ neighbour wonder if your ex has been taking an interest in her? Once he’s cheated once, he’ll find it easier to do it a second time.

Keep your chin up and smile nicely at her, keep your dignity, whilst him and his cronies behave like teenagers.

Hope today is better

Thanks @VictoriaBun, @MsPavlichenko and @WhoKnewBeefStew. I’m not too bothered about my neighbours they were always more KH’s friends than mine, I actually found them really dull.

I’ve had a letter from his solicitor this morning stating I must make a decision about a financial settlement at the next mediation session (end Feb) and warning me KH is going to cease maintenance payments after February. I’m bloody furious as he’s dragged his heels every step of the way. I only received his pension documents this morning which he was meant to provide early November last year.

It’s looking likely that I may have to issue an application to the court for maintenance pending suit.

One good thing though, his solicitor’s letter has made me angry again which is far better than being sad.

It’s apparent his solicitor is using bullying tactics because I’m acting in person. I may be representing myself but I have a very experienced family lawyer friend advising me.

Ah well into battle I go once more 🙈

That’s it Lily, gloves well and truly on! Solicitor obviously doesn’t know who he’s messing with. I’m glad your focused has changed. Good luck. 🌹

Thanks @Redland12 😊

Hey Lily, how are things? How’s your couple of weeks been? 🌺

Hey Lily I was wondering about you earlier today and see that Redland has got in ahead of me.