Starting over after 25 years - Part deux

[Lily007]

Wow need to start a new thread.

The support I’ve had from all the posters has been amazing and very much appreciated and I hope will continue.

Sorry to hear that Lily I don't think she was preferable to you, it's just that you caught KH and he had to leave. Be kind to yourself, you've come such a long way in a horrible situation and survived with dignity.

She’s not preferable to you, he’s an arsehole that’s all.

When I found out my exh was having an affair I spent months and months thinking that if only I’d been slimmer, more attractive, given him more sex, more money he wouldn’t have done it. Then a friend pointed out that I could have farted rainbow dust and he’d still have done it, and you know why? Because he’s a cunt, that’s why!

But you’re going still to have shitty weeks, it feels worse at the moment because you’re getting over it and have periods where you’re happy again, and it takes the wind out of your sails for a bit when you have a rubbish week.

Here’s to a better week next week

'Farted rainbow dust' just brilliant!

Hey Lily, sorry to hear you're feeling down. It's hard seeing pictures like that, but remember he didn't choose her, she was just his consolation prize. I'm sure he is kicking himself now.

What've you been up to? Are you keeping busy? Have you thought about whether you're ready to do some dating or is too soon for all that? I was just thinking the odd date might help to take your mind off what KH is up to.

Hi @tootstastic

Sorry I’ve taken so long to reply.

I have been keeping busy, had a pretty miserable week but I’m feeling better the last couple of days.

As far as dating is concerned, I really couldn’t even consider it. I don’t think I’d ever be able to trust any man again. I never thought KH would cheat on me, I trusted him implicitly - how wrong was I 🙈

I’m not particularly looking forward to Christmas. KH loves Christmas and always spent an absolute fortune on me. The skank will be the beneficiary this year no doubt.

It’s just another obstacle to overcome I suppose.

Good you are feeling better. Xmas will be hard, no two ways about it. But re the money spent. It is only stuff, and no indication as you now know of anything else. Is yet another indicator of how shallow he is.

You have the prize. Away from a lying, shallow and cowardly excuse for a man. And a better life ahead I am sure.

I agree with you re. Christmas - you just have to grit your teeth, put your head down and get through it the best you can . How about creating some new traditions for yourself ?

Lilly chin up! How about putting a little money aside and buying yourself a nice treat? And I think you said you were spending it with your son and family? Keep youtself busy. It will pass quickly.

And she wasn't preferable, she's just different, and available, and he was flattered. And he wanted the excitement, it could have been anyone and was never about her, just him and his ego.

Hi Lily, sorry you've been feeling down just lately, I guess it's to be expected. This time last year you'd no idea what was to come. Yes, Christmas is another hurdle to cross, but you seem to have plenty of strength so you'll get through it somehow. It's just another day. You've got lovely family and friends who'll get you through it.

I wonder if KH is feeling a bit nostalgic about the life he's thrown away. I wouldn't be at all surprised if he is.

Thanks everyone.

You’re all absolutely right. I’m sure I’ll be okay.

@MsPavkichenko. He is shallow. Apparently on Sunday he posted a photo on IG of the two of them in a bar somewhere with a caption about having a well deserved drink after a busy day Christmas shopping. My friend said “I bet it only took him half an hour, who the fuck has he to buy for” 😂.

I’ve got my determined head back on now. I’ve sent him a letter today asking him to provide all the documentation he didn’t supply at the mediation. I purposely posted it today so he’ll come home from work tomorrow to it. That’ll spoil his weekend 🤞

Good for you Lily, don't get mad, get even. You're amazing x

Hiya

Well, I’d decided this year not to put the Christmas tree and decorations up but after chatting with my friend yesterday she convinced me I should. She said I should do it to show I’m still celebrating without him.

It was a mammoth task getting the tree out of the loft. It’s 7 feet high and weighs a ton. It’s pre-lit thankfully but I’ve spent the last 4 hours trimming it. I have to say it looks lovely so I’m glad I’ve done it.

I’m getting a Christmas bonus from work so that’ll cover the cost of the gifts I need to buy. I don’t have lots of people to buy for thankfully so I should be okay.

I can’t say I’m looking forward to Christmas, especially waking up Christmas morning by myself 😢. My DS is coming to pick me up mid morning to take me to his house and then we’re going out for dinner with DIL’s family. The restaurant we’re going to is lovely so that should be nice.

It’s probably going to be a difficult Christmas as it’s the first I’ve spent without KH for 26 years but I’ve just got to plough through as best I can.

God forgive me, but I hope some disaster befalls KH and the skank and ruins their Christmas. Probably won’t though and he’ll no doubt plaster all his “celebrations” on FB and IG. I’ve told everyone I know who follows him on SM that I don’t want to know about anything he posts. I think I’m better off not knowing.

Ah well better get on with some cleaning now. Oh what an exciting life I lead 😊

Can you plan a few low key celebrations to look forward to ? A couple of friends round to raise a glass to your lovely tree ? Church Carol service ? Visit to local Christmas market ? Local houses decorated for charity. I love the light displays at Christmas most of all. Hope you can find some uplifting sights to see [santa]

Mid morning is a good time to be collected. By the time you get youtself ready it will be time to go, and the rest of the day will be busy socialising. Get youtself some champagne or Prosecco and have a Buck's Fizz whilst doing your hair and make up.

I suspect you'll be too busy throughout the day to give him much thought. Don't worry,,,

A friend of mine was in a similar situation, and on the days she was alone at Christmas, she helped out at a homeless shelter, she ended up having one of her best Christmas’s that year just a thought Lily for the days you might not have anything on.

Hi Lily, bless you, I know it must be hard your first Christmas sans KH, but try to just get through it and look forward to the new year and a fresh start. Great that you put the tree and decs up.

I can understand you're not ready to date yet. You'll know when the time is right and it's still too raw for you. It was one hell of a long relationship you have to get over and that must take longer. My longest break up was after 9 years and that felt like forever at the time. 26 years will take some healing and that's fine.

Just concentrate on keeping busy this Christmas and you'll be ok. You have your son and friends and family. He doesn't have (or deserve!) that. Your friend was right, he can't have had much shopping to do. You are loved and when the fog clears, I think you'll feel very blessed.

You are loved and when the fog clears, I think you'll feel very blessed

I think this is a lovely sentiment and one to hold on to.

Thanks everyone for the lovely comments.

I’m so pleased I made the effort to decorate and put the tree up. The house looks lovely and it’s cheered me up no end.

@Bluntness. I will take your advice about having a couple of glasses of Buck’s Fizz whilst I do my hair and make up on Christmas morning 🥂

You are loved and when the fog clears, I think you’ll feel very blessed

It is a lovely sentiment, thank you @tootstastic 😊

Exactly a couple of glasss of bubbles, a nice brekkie, and spend the day with people who love you. That doesn't sound too bad does it?

I also did my tree, on a bit of a whim, as I'm normally a few days before Xmas, and it is very cheery, 😁

Thanks Lily and Bluntness, sometimes it's nice to remember how much we mean to the great people in our lives and not just what they mean to us. Not everyone is loved and they are certainly the poorer for it. KH is positively fucking skint in that regard!

We did the tree on Friday night and I've just put a pretty wreath on the front door, with little lights on, no less! I am officially in the Christmas spirit.

I love the sound of leisurely getting ready with bubbles on Christmas Day. I bet you'll have a lovely day Lily.

Morning everyone.

Had a fairly good week and I’m feeling quite positive again 😊

I’m still waiting for him to provide certain documents he was supposed to have supplied at the mediation session 5 weeks ago. I sent him a letter over a week ago reminding him but still not received a response.

I’m not reminding him again, if he doesn’t provide it I’ll just cancel the next session which will delay any financial settlement and I’ll stay in my house. I won’t apply for the decree nisi either.

I’m leaving the ball firmly in his court now, I’m quite happy with the current status quo

I’ve been watching I’m a Celebrity and I can’t believe how much KH is like Nick Knowles, same hairstyle and beard, same physique (even though he batters the gym 🙄) and similar personality (been there done that got the T shirt). Gone right off him now 😂.

Have a good weekend everyone 😘

OMG Lily, I actually pictured him looking a bit like Nick Knowles! That man has made half the country's toes curl. I imagine that must be rather satisfying.

I wonder why he's dragging his heels with the paperwork. You'd think he'd want it all resolved, wouldn't you?

You are sounding very positive, which is great. I think it is only a matter of time now and you will just continue to heal and go from strength to strength as time goes along. Only just over 3 weeks and it's the start of a new year, which I thing will really help you to mentally put this awful year behind you and prepare to finalise everything.

KOKO and keep in touch xx

God what a knob he is Lilly. I'd agree, you've done your bit, leave it to him now. If he fails to do anything it's his problem.

What is it he's withholding though? Could he be hiding something? That the documents contain something he doesn't wish you to see?

Hi @Tootstastic and @Bluntness.

Ooh I wonder why @Maddison’s post was removed 😬

I don’t know why he’s dragging his heels but, as I say, I’m leaving him to it now.

It might be that he’s hiding something, it’ll all come out eventually, I’m sure.

I’m good for now so I’ll just make the most of having a bit of peace 😊