Starting over after 25 years - Part deux

[Lily007]

Wow need to start a new thread.

The support I’ve had from all the posters has been amazing and very much appreciated and I hope will continue.

Hey Lily, enjoy the cocktails...

Bless him Lily, he sounds like a complete donkey. I'm almost starting to feel sorry for him.

Do still try and rinse the twat though 

Hi Lily. Have also been wondering about you and hoping you were ok. Had to search for your thread.

Good outcome for stability for next 6 months. However please think of the fact he may be less remorseful and more assured of himself in March. But you can plan ahead now without immediate financial fear

Well done. Hope you had a lovely evening.

Another well done here. Horrible thought, but is it possible he is deluded enough to still imagine that getting back is an option? And you being in the home facilitates that?

Sounds crazy, but nothing surprises me any more! Enjoy Sunday.

OMG @MsPavlichenko. I very much doubt it 🙈

I’d never take him back under any circumstances, although the bitch in me would absolutely love for him to beg to come back just so I can tell him to f@@k off!

Seriously though, I suspect he’s still pretty smitten with OW, given he spends hours every Saturday sitting at her market stall 🙄

No. I know you wouln't. He has been so selfish and entitled throughout that it crossed my mind. Not as an actual plan, but not completely discounted.

Yes. The Market Stall. Is really the stuff dreams are made of ...

For what it's worth, I think he's sitting at the Market Stall because he's bored and lonely - having lost all his mates. Or could be OW is scared to let him out of her sight. miaow.

Good outcome for you from mediation Lily.

I do wonder if he's compensating with all the excursions/spending and only now realising what he's lost.

He has to sit in her market stall every weekend as he’s got no friends left because he acted like a total fuckwhit 😂

I wouldn’t be at all surprised if at some point in the next couple of weeks you get a text off him, something along the lines of ‘hi Luly, hope you’re ok, good to see you last week’ 🙄

@Thebluedog. I doubt very much I’ll hear from him before the next mediation session which is early March. After last Thursday’s session he marched off looking pretty pissed off at having to increase his monthly payments to me.

Petty as it may sound, I really want him to be miserable but I’ll probably never have the satisfaction of knowing. After the misery and chaos he’s caused me he doesn’t deserve a day’s happiness but, unfortunately, people don’t always get what they deserve 😡.

How true! You have described him as shallow and concerned about status I think? He thought he could keep his old life, old friends, possibly his family ( including you maybe) and slot her in. And he can't. I suspect this is dawning on him now.

@MsPavlchenko. You’re probably right.

I’ll try to think that he’s not completely happy having had to give up so much 🤞

I doubt he's very happy Lilly from what you've described. Tired, shabby, upset. Haemorrhaging money, now paying you more. Living in a tiny property, his precious car parked on the street.

The mere fact he got upset at mediation shows he's not a happy man.

Sometimes the novelty wears off fast,

Hi @Bluntness. Mmm perhaps. Time will tell I suppose 🤔

Hi Lily, just thinking about how you're getting on..,,how are you feeling now the dust has settled after your mediation session? I can imagine you've been exhausted after all the nervous energy was finally released.

I agree with @Bluntness and @MsPavlichenko that he's probably unhappy. From what you've described, he's a very proud man, so must be feeling a bit low for him not to be looking his absolute best. I imagine regret is a daily emotion for him now. Like @Thebluedog, I wondered if you'd hear from him afterwards, but I suspect he's too proud for that.

Hope your weekend was good!

Morning.

I’ve had a fairly miserable week really. I think I’d got myself so worked up for mediation that I’m now experiencing an anti climax.

@Tootstastic. I think you’re probably right about him being too proud to admit he’s not happy. I have the feeling he’ll probably think he’s got to make the best of the route he’s chosen.

I know I’m a bit previous, but I’m really not looking forward to Christmas. KH absolutely loves Christmas and always went all out with the decorations and gifts. I think part of me will really miss him over the Christmas holiday 😢.

Lily I'm sorry you've had a rubbish week. But you got a great outcome from mediation and your hard work and diligence paid off. You don't have to worry about the mortgage for next few months.

As for Christmas. May I gently suggest it's not KH himself you're missing. It's the familiarity of what used to happen. It's all tied up with memories. But those memories are based on deceit. And KH isn't the person you thought he was. So in effect it's all an illusion. And also that you will be decorating on your own perhaps and it reminds you that KH isn't the person you thought he was and he's a cruel bastard who doesn't give a shiny shit about you.

You will have ups and downs. But it's the memory of the life you thought you had planned, not actually him I suspect. Do you have a dear friend or perhaps DS could make decorating the house fun and different? Or do something different this year ? I did something different the first year. Allowed myself to grieve for the past and it helped me move on and now again I adore Christmas with new and better memories now. Hope this helps.

Morning!

Ah, feeling down is normal I think, probably seeing him brought it all home again. You've come so far, and done so well, you know you'll pick yourself up again. 💐

That sort of crash was inevitable I think after all the nerves beforehand. You'll be back to your old self in a few days.

No wonder you're apprehensive about Christmas when it's your first one on your own. I think you need to keep busy over the holiday with your lovely family and friends. Say yes to every invitation and just do some super indulgent things that will take your mind off missing how things used to be.

And don't forget your thread Christmas do...we'll need to celebrate too!!

Thanks for the encouraging posts 😊

I’ve bounced back again thankfully albeit I’m suffering with a mega hangover today 🤢. I went to my first husband’s house last night for a meal with him and his wife, I got home at 3.30 am slightly worse for wear 😬.

KH was at her market stall again this morning, his life must be so sad if he has to spend every Saturday there.

@Cuttingthegrass. You’re probably right that I’m missing familiarity rather than him. Once I get past March next year, I won’t have any more firsts. I’ll ensure I keep busy over Christmas and hopefully it won’t be so bad.

I’ve got quite

Don’t know how I’ve got quite got tagged on to the end of that post 🙄

Ooh hope you've got over the hangover, great you're feeling better and you had a good night.

Ive just got back from a night with the girls, sparkling water only for me though, as I'm bootcamping. That's the only bonus...no hangover.

The social stuff seems to really help you, so try and keep your diary full if you can. Less time to think about that market stall mannequin.

Morning ...ah a hangover is a sign of a night well spent 😜

And you know you will be fine, and I really think he's suffering more than you are..,I know it's mean, but his performance at thr mediation would indicate he is,,

Hi Lily,

How are you getting on?

Hi @Rememory and everyone else.

I’ve had a fairly shitty week. Don’t know why, just felt really down 😢.

The skank went to Benidorm last week with her friend. The friend posted a photo on FB of the pair of them in fancy dress 🙈. I kid you not the skank looked like a man in drag. Actually my friend says she looks like David Walliams dressed as a woman 😉. It actually really upset me because she looks so ugly, the very thought that she’s preferable to me is a real kick in the teeth.

I’m sure I’ll pick myself up and dust myself down.......again, but it’s so hard sometimes.

I’m really dreading Christmas but I know I need to get through it, it’s like when someone close dies, the first year is so difficult.

Just got to keep on keeping on I suppose 😬