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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Starting over after 25 years - Part deux

999 replies

Lily007 · 10/07/2018 10:42

Wow need to start a new thread.

The support I’ve had from all the posters has been amazing and very much appreciated and I hope will continue.

OP posts:
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6
bethy15 · 10/07/2018 21:24

I have to agree with this. I'm also wondering if your friends are a little bit guilty of enjoying the drama a bit too much. Regular updates are not necessary and are just mentally cruel to you. Occasional updates that might let you know about his spending are great but the rest is just rubbing salt in your wounds.

This is exactly what I thought too. It's kind of an enjoyment over the gossip of it all. I really couldn't imagine being someone who sent photos like this of him as a couple with another woman. They really aren't helping all that much having read the reactions of the OP to them, being very upset about them. Updates is completely different to all of these photos.

I'm sorry to bring this up, but I do think there is a big elephant in the room regarding his children and how he's currently behaving. I know it's painful for you to think about but I suspect a lot of answers to your questions lies in the past.

I kind of agree. I mean clearly it's a very sore subject with the OP too, but that does lend to thinking that it would be a sore subject for him too, even more so as they are his children. He may have seemed fine with it, but to lose your children completely must leave it's mark. There must be feelings there, and either way, either he behaved in a way that made them sever contact, or he actually did, then he has previous for it.

Summerynights1 · 10/07/2018 21:29

Strangely while everyone is posting about him, one thing made me think. The criticism of OW and how she is a step down...and about her arms.

I did ask my BF why would he be intetested in me, older larger and not as glamorous or posh as XW. I think his friends might look down on me. He says that he values different things these days, I am kind and happy and still interested in living life, I am also financially independent and career minded. We are hardly on social media but he posts things because he is happy to be with me and doesn’t see why he should hide away because he is happy again. I am part of his life so part of his friendship circle.

I think I am trying to say he regards carrying on as normal as just that, not as deliberately trying to upset XW. I’m his new GF and I don’t post on social media but why should I have to hide away just because there is an XW out there?

We met OLD but I think XW hadn’t moved on and wants him back, but we all have the right to live our lives. She is probably telling all that will listen that I am common and a step down for him.

There are often two sides to stories and I am no doubt going to get a barrage of abuse for putting mine out there.

I’m trying to say ther comes a time when we have to accept something is over and move on.

Original poster
Lily007 · 10/07/2018 21:35

Erm hello Summery. I was with my husband (not yet ex or even STBX) for 25 years, married for 23 years. We split 4 months ago because he was having an affair!!!!

If you think it’s acceptable for him and the skank he’s now with to flaunt their sordid relationship on SM, you are deluded!

Now fuck off!!!!

OP posts:
MrsVioletBottom · 10/07/2018 21:36

Bethy15

Have you not read Lilys comment, she does not want to discuss DDs. Read the thread! She has already said on several occasions it is not relevant. XH was a good father.

I think you and several others on this post are enjoying Lilys heartache. If you cannot be helpful, don't bother posting.

Bluntness100 · 10/07/2018 21:40

Ok that was a bit harsh Lilly and I'm not sure called for if I'm honest . I don't think she was saying it's acceptable, she was saying what many of us have said, that he maybe doesn't feel he has anything to hide and isn't doing it to hurt you. It's about them and not you. That sometimes you need to accept it's just that.😔

butterbeansandbreadcrumbs · 10/07/2018 21:41

I'm not sure how helpful you are being, summery.

I’m trying to say there comes a time when we have to accept something is over and move on

People do have to move on but it's only been 4 months so I don't think Lily should be expected to, so early on.

Original poster
Lily007 · 10/07/2018 21:43

Thank you MrsViolet

As you’ll have gleaned I’m not a happy bunny at the moment.

There are some real weirdos posting today who are either deliberately trying to antagonise me or are just as numb as piss stones!!!!

I’ve tried all day to ask politely, now I’m done 😡

OP posts:
SummerLife · 10/07/2018 21:43

It's clear that the OP and her posse only want to read posts that are supportive of the OP's views, anything challenging gets short shrift or, now, abuse.

OP - you can discuss what you like, or not, but you can't stop others posting their opinions and experiences.

Original poster
Lily007 · 10/07/2018 21:44

No Bluntness she was not!!! Read the post.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lily007 · 10/07/2018 21:46

Hey Summer what user name were you on the previous thread?

OP posts:
MrsVioletBottom · 10/07/2018 21:46

Summershites.

You are a very self centred heartless person. You obviously realise your post was very hurtful to a person, who is going through a very difficult time in her life. Why would you do that? Unbelievable!! Compassion look it up..........you obviously don't know the meaning of the word.

S

Bluntness100 · 10/07/2018 21:49

It's clear that the OP and her posse only want to read posts that are supportive of the OP's views, anything challenging gets short shrift or, now, abuse

To be fair, I've been with Lilly from the start, and yes, said things she doesn't like and got some abuse and stuck with it, for a variety of reasons I won't go into. I don't think it's fair to say she only wants to read supportive posts. There have been many she doesn't like.

I think your views are valid, don't get me wrong, but I also understand why Lilly isn't keen to hear or understand them right now, it doesn't mean youre wrong to post, but if something is this fresh to someone, maybe try to understand why your messages won't be well received?

tootstastic · 10/07/2018 21:54

Summery, I think there's a big difference between your relationship and Lily's:

Yours = he had already left his wife and was OLD; so had a right to meet someone new and post all about it on SM

Lily's = he was conducting a secret affair behind Lily's back and only left when he was confronted about it; so really bad form to post all about it on SM

You really can't compare the two, surely?!

SummerLife · 10/07/2018 21:54

I came on here to say you should be careful as there can't be many men whose circumstances fit your husband's e.g. recent tattoo inside of bicep, holidaying in Corfu, girlfriend's name has 4 letters, detailed (unflattering) description of girlfriend given, two adult DDs from who he has been estranged for several years, alcoholic ex-wife, lads holiday location given (can't remember where), step DIL trained clinical psychologist (think that was what you said), wife has work legal connections, been given the finger by ex-mates on SM etc etc

I'm sure he'd recognise himself if the DM pick up on this. It has all the ingredients of a juicy Jeremy Kyle style story if edited in a particular way.

Posters (cheerleaders?) who have encouraged you to give more details and indulge in a 'bitch fest' have really done you no favours. You need to be mindful of their motivations too - maybe they're too invested and enjoying it a bit too much?

Original poster
Lily007 · 10/07/2018 21:56

OP - you can discuss what you like, or not, but you can’t stop others posting their opinion and experiences

Sound familiar???

Although referred to as posse now, not cheerleaders

OP posts:
Original poster
Lily007 · 10/07/2018 21:57

Yep, there we are, precisely the same implied threat as last time!!!

OP posts:
SummerLife · 10/07/2018 22:01

Sorry? You've lost me.

tootstastic · 10/07/2018 22:03

I'm a bit confused between @Summerynights1 and @SummerLife

Are you one and the same?

SummerLife · 10/07/2018 22:06

Nope, not the same person - totally coincidental use of 'summer' (though I guess as it's summer it's not that much of a coincidence).

tootstastic · 10/07/2018 22:07

Ah sorry, just coincidence then - I was reading as if you were the same person, so may have mixed you up

Bluntness100 · 10/07/2018 22:09

I'm not sure what's happening now, I was trying to play go between, but I think you've moved into abusive summer and as much as I understand Lilly's reaction I don't understand what skin you have in this game or your motivation here,

Summerynights1 · 10/07/2018 22:09

Hi Lily - thanks for your reply, I am happy to leave your thread. I’m just sorry I spent time reading through it as I think I have had a lightbulb moment about why he left and there’s nothing more to

Summerynights1 · 10/07/2018 22:11

say

Bluntness100 · 10/07/2018 22:12

Good Lord is there two summer posters?

Bluntness100 · 10/07/2018 22:14

I’m just sorry I spent time reading through it as I think I have had a lightbulb moment about why he left

Sure you have honey.

Sigh.