The Claw....a thread about loneliness

[HopelessWithNumbers]

Combating Loneliness At Weekends

I don’t know if this is 100% appropriate for ‘Relationships’ but a few of us on another thread have been discussing the horrible loneliness that can invade (not exclusively at weekends of course) when you are single or not single but feeling that the rest of the world is enjoying themselves with families, friends or partners.

Of course some people love their own company, but others struggle. My child is an adult so my time is pretty much my own (apart from work), but I have just come out of a relationship and am finding it difficult to keep the sadness and anxiety at bay.

Other people are in relationships but not getting what they need in some way, and so feeling sad and / or lonely.

Could we use this thread for supporting people in that position? Virtually and perhaps meeting in ‘real life’?

Football again tonight.
I haven’t asked anyone at work if they want to watch it with me. I must try to ask at least one person, but also need a back up, I think most people will go home to watch.

So my back up is either go home and watch on TV or go to a pub or public screening on my own.... I’ll let you know!

I’m going to be practical and enjoy the deserted town if they let me go early. What time is the football on? I need to sort out the car ready for my holiday, I also need to get some bits and bobs :)

Starts at 7 I think.

Thank you:)

Enjoy your holiday

For those wanting to watch football together should we have a virtual thread. I’ve seen an mn friend on Facebook ask for people to watch it with. I think that’s fantastic and also really brave. If she was in my part of the country I’d join her

Checking in

Yep ... joining you all

Hello all the new people 👋

Football update...I’ve made ‘overtures’ to two friends/colleagues. One has childcare related reasons for not joining me. The other one told me the match was being shown in a pub near work, but no indication he would be watching it there.

So, it might be the pub on my own. I wish I had a local! I used to but it was my exes so I can’t go there!

Hope - I hope that someone will watch the football with you. I am not a football fan at all. All this messing with TV programmes does not make it any more favourable to me.

Yesterday was not good. My health was not good at all so I was at home all day. I don't think I am going out today still having the aftermath of yesterday.
I hope that a day out will come soon.

Good luck to all the football fans.
Hope everyone is well

Hello to people joining. I'll be watching the football at home with DS, really happy he's with me today so I won't be be watching it alone. Although if (IF!) we get through to the final, he'll be at his Dad's and will miss it.

letsgo what you said about guilt and playdates resonated with me. I've spent a lot of DSs life feeling guilty and one of the things I most tend to beat myself up about is his lack of playdates growing up. I do sometimes arrange one but I find it hard as I just don't click with the mums of most of his friends. I'm going to set myself the tentative target of doing one social thing with him a month that involves me really pushing myself out of my comfort zone, that's only 12 times a year. The more I do it, the easier it gets as well. That's not counting the stuff I already do to socialise him which isn't scary for me.
We don't know anyone in our actual town, everyone is scattered far and wide as we live in a predominately rural area. And I don't drive.

I’m not a football fan, makes it a bit tricky as I will be sat at home twiddling my thumbs whist everyone is out enjoying the football at the pub or a friends house. At the moment I’m struggling with evenings as it’s still light until 10pm, feels as though I should be out doing something. Works also quite at the moment so I have free time during the day but no one to share it with as everyone’s working.

I'm getting bloody obsessed with the football - it seems to have become a symbol for my loneliness!

The pub over the road from work is showing it. I quite often go there but not on my own. I've now asked directly one colleague and hinted at one but to no avail. So I think I'm going to go there on my own.....

Oh I forgot to add, I also sent a message to a work related Whatsapp group of over 100 people saying does anyone want to watch the football in the pub.
One person replied (and said no).

I'm having a bad, feeling sorry for myself day to day. I can feel it turning in to anxiety which is what happens. I've taken a beta blocker.

Don’t take it personally
I would imagine that lots of people have had things planned for a long time.

One thing I noticed is that often I ask people what their up to last minute and then obviously they’re all busy, and that adds to the feeling of anxiety and worthlessness.

Don’t think 99 people don’t want me around, because that is not the case!

My therapist said...I really had to try harder to plan things way in advance as that’s clearly what others do. And to stop self flagellating because you text someone 2 days before and they can’t make it.

Go to the pub! You’ll meet some people, men do it all the time and are fine with it, not all obviously! But many women seem to find it a lot harder.
I’m watching with a family member which makes it easier.
But I hope everyone else enjoys x

And perhaps go to the pub thinking you’ll see some people you know, rather than “I’m going to the pub on my own because I’m a failure”
It’s one of those evenings where everyone is up for pub mates

Thanks eight I'll try to take your positive words with me!
I'm worried people will think I'm on the pull - which I am not! I feel really nervous about going - it's a long time to be there on my own.
Anyway if it's dreadful I don't have to stay! I can watch at home if I want to!

Exactly!! They won’t think you’re on the pull! It’s the World Cup!!
Have fun

Hi everyone,

Again, sitting here in the garden alone, just like Saturday, Exp inside watching football and my DC are busy playing a game

@Bubblesandcake your initial thread inspired @Hopelesswithnumbers to do this thread. So thank you to both of you.

@Hopelesswithnumbers

I hope your evening works out ok whatever you have decided to do. I'm here so feel free to drop by!

and that goes for everyone

Good so far.
Busy but not heaving.
Nice atmosphere.
No chatting but it doesn’t matter.
I’m excited about the result now.

Haiku?

Glad it’s a good atmosphere!!

....pleased that your enjoying so far !

Good on you, going to the pub Hope Haiku!
I've cowardly opted for home alone viewing! (Also had a 'beta blocker day!)
Good point about last minute planning eightfaces
stillme hope your day's been a bit better today

The football is making me need a beta blocker