The Claw....a thread about loneliness

[HopelessWithNumbers]

Combating Loneliness At Weekends

I don’t know if this is 100% appropriate for ‘Relationships’ but a few of us on another thread have been discussing the horrible loneliness that can invade (not exclusively at weekends of course) when you are single or not single but feeling that the rest of the world is enjoying themselves with families, friends or partners.

Of course some people love their own company, but others struggle. My child is an adult so my time is pretty much my own (apart from work), but I have just come out of a relationship and am finding it difficult to keep the sadness and anxiety at bay.

Other people are in relationships but not getting what they need in some way, and so feeling sad and / or lonely.

Could we use this thread for supporting people in that position? Virtually and perhaps meeting in ‘real life’?

OMG yes 😲

Gutted. But enjoyed the evening and even chatted!

Gutted here for England too.

Hooray for enjoying your evening and chatting !

Gutted too. I was in Winchester yesterday with work and had an hour to spare so wandered round the town. What struck me- being a bird lahndan gel, was how perfect it seemed: cathedral, bars, restaurants, theatre, art gallery, people happy to engage in a chat. Like London but without the Ag and attitude. Nirvana for me would be a bunch of like minded people moving to "colonise" a few streets in a vibrant community with space when you want it, and company when you don't. Thoughts?

** bird= norf

tartan I’ve often thought I’d like to live in a communal way.
I’ve only actually lived on my own for a couple of years, after my daughter left home. I found it difficult and since then have shared (although that is primarily about money).

But....I disagree about location. I’d be very reluctant to leave London.

I loved Winchester. It felt so peaceful by the catherdral and the old red brick walls with roses nodding over the top. I know it sound idyllic but it would be a welcome relief from London, specially my part of London.

Hopeless, there is a womens living collective in london (owch). I am starting to think that's how I would like to live eventually. (Just not london). To be honest, just a place where someone would look in on me once a day, would be enough.

Hi Fifty yes I've looked at Owch before. They don't have any vacancies but run a small waiting list apparently. It looks like a brilliant project and exactly the sort of thing that's needed for a lot of single, older people.

I'm having anxiety problems at the moment (very common for me - some days are just worse than others). I think it's the result of being tired, alcohol last night and thinking about the weekend. I'm going to make a timetable of things to do. I haven't done that for ages but I think I need it this weekend. Some stuff that will be on it

• swimming

• sort out make up & clean make up brushes

- read some of my book for the book group I go to (although I'm not enjoying the book I will try to get through it) - go through my big collection of recipes and find something nice to cook - go to the cinema?

That's it for now

That sounds like nice things to do, Hopeless. I sometimes make lists too for the weekends I haven't got any specific plans for.

I hear what you say about alcohol - it makes me awfully anxious so I am trying to be really strict with it when on my own. I hate the 'don't drink on your own' advice as I don't see why I shouldn't be allowed to have a glass of wine with dinner just because I am on my own. If the glass turns into a bottle, that's when I have an issue.

I need to start cooking again too. I love it but all too often think 'where's the point if it's just me' which isn't good. I am a rather decent cook (so humble, me!) but rely too much on convenience products or just cook really simple stuff that bores me. This plus the booze has resulted in some rather impressive weight gain which is obviously not helping with me feeling confident and maybe starting dating again.

I am on summer hols now though (yippieh!) so will start project 'fitness and weight loss'.

to everyone

Hi all. Fellow lonely person here

Im an introverted soul and fine with my own company mostly (thank God), but I do wonder if I will ever experience good friendship, a loving relationship or even just plain "fun" again
I have dd and she splits her time between me and her dad. I thought i would be traveling all over with her on day trips but like a poster said upthread, any kind of motivation for this has gone. I take her out locally and dont venture far.
I dont even do proper food shops because i don't really want to go outside where people are unless i absolutely have to i rush round the supermarket and rush home. Its my safe haven. I just find that after my divorce, and months of counseling, i simply don't have the energy or patience for other people. But then of course, it gets lonely....
I feel deeply inadequate every Monday morning at work too. My colleagues know i don't really have a life. Im actually looking for another job, because i haven't gelled with anyone there and find the job itself very draining.
Ho hum..

But I mean have you tried salsa classes or a book group?

/sarcasm

My coupled up friends when I talk about loneliness. I actually don’t want a partner or children and I have lots of acquaintances (and a few good friends) it’s just sometimes I’d like to complain about feeling adrift without:

You could adopt you know
Why not join a walking group
I have a lovely friend called dave I could set you up with

I know they mean well but...

Oh god @chestylarue52, I saw the opening line of your post in the preview and was all set to come on here and virtually wallop you one (until I saw the following tag)

I am trying very hard lately to walk a mile in the other person's shoes.
So I am telling myself that people generally mean well and are saying things in an effort to be nice and helpful. It's just misguided.

I also have a very very deep suspicion of anyone who has not spent any significant time without being in a relationship but that's another story

Howdy, room for one more?

I was going to start my own thread about how I need a life. But somehow I think no-one-answering-the-thread won't exactly make me feel less lonely.

I'm in a similar boat to Stillme – largely housebound. I'm also no longer good friend material: I get tired and grumpy, and have memory and cognitive problems as well as mobility problems. It's not conducive to forming equal, mutually respectful friendships (though I've occasionally found myself adopted as someone's "project". I've been very grateful for their good intentions and practical help, but it's ethically and emotionally rather dodgy).

Can I join in please?

After 6 months off from men I dipped my little toe back into the dating game, met a lovely guy a few weeks back in London, few lovely dates later he’s disappeared so I’m feeling very disheartened and lonely again thinking that everyone else is out having fun while I’m at home on my own because all my friends are “We’s” now and I’m the last single one left.

I try and drag myself to the gym and try to not look like I’m about to cry every minute but the only people that call or text me now are my mum and step dad....

Hi everyone, I find it difficult to reach out to people when I'm lonely as I'm usual the person that others turn to when they're having difficulties.
I'm normally happy to be there for them but when I feel down I feel like I have no one who is willing to listen to me, they see me as the strong one and I don't want to shatter their illusions, so I put up a front.
Anyone else feel this way?

@HandDivedRaspberries
@Doingmybest01
@Sillysausage12345

Hi guys!

Feeling particularly lonely today. I’m off work, been doing lots of stuff. But today I have sat alone watching Netflix and drinking wine. Which is probably not a good idea. But I am feeling slightly sorry for myself

Must be a Friday 13th thing!

I done the bare minimum so far today and have resorted to going back to bed and reading. My chest is so tight I feel like a panic attack is on its way. Great, that’s all I need now to be in crippling pain.

I think I’m going to back to the docs and ask for a med review, I seem to have gone backwards recently.

Sending hugs to everyone today

Hello everyone and a special hello to the new people. I’m still feeling inexplicably anxious and also very tired. I went out for something to eat with a friend last night which was nice but I need an early night tonight.

One thing I was thinking about was that any social stuff I do tends to be during the week.....because friends have partners/families/friends that they see at the weekend! So I sometimes feel exhausted by Friday after a week at work and maybe an evening or two out (I often have to stay later at work for various reasons too).
So maybe I have to adjust my feelings about weekends and accept that they won’t be sociable on the whole but use them for resting and catching up with stuff.

Sillysausage sorry to hear your date has disappeared. It does seem to happen sometimes with online dating. Very weird.

Dare I ask if anyone has anything planned for the weekend?
I’m going to stick to my timetable (mentioned above)! And if any opportunities to be sociable present themselves I will grab them.

Hug received and returned sausage I hope the pain / panic doesn’t get overwhelming.

and for all.

Evening all. May I come on board. Ex left me a year ago. Messed me about for a few months and left for good after Christmas. I have the kids. And work 3 days a week. But just recently I am consumed by being on my own.

We are part of a community allotment. And I volunteer with the homeless once a fortnight. And try hard to do things with the children, with friends and fill my time. It isn't the same as having a partner.

Maybe it's time to start dating but can't even begin to think about how you get yourself back out there after being with the same person for 14 years. I'm older wider and nearly not as spritely as I was 14 years ago.

Hope everyone has something to look forward to this weekend

Hi everyone, just checking in. Am on summer holiday now (yay and not yay!) but have volunteered for a school trip so am currently abroad. Am mumsnetting while all the other stuff have gone to phone their partners/children - stuff like this really gets me down. Must develop a thicker skin!

Hope everyone is doing ok - sending hugs.

Hi Folk how long are you away for? I hope the trip is mostly enjoyable.

Hello fellow loners. I was working home today 8-6 and hit the wine shortly after that. My son's dad had a quadruple heart bypass yesterday so it wAs a 6 hour wait bit all ok. What I realise is how fragile life is, and also what a shadow relationship we have. I was never the OW and it's complicated but he spends a lot of time with us. That said, I'm still fundamentally a single parent and when push comes to shove his "first" family are now all over the situation and we are sitting home waiting. It's not like I want him here but I'm looking at the weekend wondering what to do- again. Scouts for my boy tomorrow and I will get a haircut but then?!