The Claw....a thread about loneliness

[HopelessWithNumbers]

Combating Loneliness At Weekends

I don’t know if this is 100% appropriate for ‘Relationships’ but a few of us on another thread have been discussing the horrible loneliness that can invade (not exclusively at weekends of course) when you are single or not single but feeling that the rest of the world is enjoying themselves with families, friends or partners.

Of course some people love their own company, but others struggle. My child is an adult so my time is pretty much my own (apart from work), but I have just come out of a relationship and am finding it difficult to keep the sadness and anxiety at bay.

Other people are in relationships but not getting what they need in some way, and so feeling sad and / or lonely.

Could we use this thread for supporting people in that position? Virtually and perhaps meeting in ‘real life’?

Another lonely person here too!

Been a lurker for a while but this post has made me sign up!

*Folkgirlatheart*I’m 34 and recently single, no kids. Like you said, everyone I know has partners and kids and are doing family stuff at weekends, so it’s realy hard to meet up.

The nice weather seems to make it even harder, as no one to go for spontaneous walks / beer garden trips with. Glad I’m not alone!

I echo the thoughts and feelings of many here

Single. Mid 30s. No DC recently moved to a new area.

Have friends but not masses and those I do have

2 live abroad
4 married with DC jobs and families
2 in a child free couple but jobs and family commitments
1 single mother with 3 DC barely any spare time whatsoever

Often feeling like a tag along

Have a horror of online dating but not meeting anyone organically

Recently moved from city I loved to a small town and regretting it every day - definitely suffer from Weekend Loneliness didn’t even bother getting dressed today

Folkgirl just read your other thread. That’s great that you’ve booked a holiday. It’s something I’ve been thinking about. I can’t afford it for this year but next year I will have paid off quite a bit of debt and will be able to afford a holiday-but it scares me!
I don’t have friends I could go with really so I think I will brave it by myself. I’m sort of excited but also terrified at the prospect.
It’s also a ‘big’ birthday for me next year, so I feel I want to mark it in some way.

Hopeless, going to things on my own is something I rarely do. I must push myself to do that - I miss out on so much. Well done for doing it (not meant as patronising as it may sound!).

Yes I’m a little nervous about the holidays but I’m sure I’ll enjoy it once I’ve settled into it. It’s ridiculous really; I’m a grown woman and should be able to go away on a own for a week.

I joined the CHuMNs facebook page but its not really for me I don't think. It's more mums and kids-focused (that's not a bad thing, it's just not me).

I happened to drive through my town last night and all I saw were groups of happy people sitting in the sun and chatting and laughing and having a lovely evening out. I don't know who I could ever ask to do such a thing once, let alone regularly. Would have been ex, but obviously not any more

Gosh it's really hard reading this thread... I started my own thread earlier on my break up (it was 3 days ago so still very raw) but I feel the lonliness creeping in already. I'm just so used to sharing my life with a partner

Before I met my partner 5 years ago I had been single for 10 years and loved it. But now after being in such a lovely relationship, I don't want to go back to being alone. My son is an adult now and back then I had him to focus on, wheras now I'm simply going to be alone.

It's been so bad at bedtime that the last few nights I've walked my dogs for hours into the early hours because going to bed without my XDP just feels awful.

Urgh

Joining in!

I’m mid-thirties, have been single for nearly six years after leaving an abusive relationship. I have children and the worst is attending school events, Parent’s Evenings, Sports Day etc and being on my own surrounded by families. I had to move away from mine to escape my ex.

I live in a lovely village and have been here 3 years, it has a great community feel and spirit and we have been welcomed. But it’s not the same as having someone to talk to when the children are asleep, when you come home from a hard day or want to share a joke. Mumsnet has been a lifeline during long, lonely nights! I’m about to start a new job soon so I’m hoping to make friends.

Hello everyone 👋
I'm comforted and saddened in equal measure by how many of us are here already. Loneliness is a such a big problem in our society today yet I still feel some shame about being/expressing it! Somehow it feels like failure.
I really appreciate that what I feel has been heard and understood here already. Thank you for that It's just not good we all feel like this!
I agree with those who talk about doing one thing a day/ gratitude etc. I do think it really helps. As does physical activity. I try and do these things when I'm up to it but don't always manage it then feel like a failure because I haven't'
I also have an introverted personality, which I generally think of as a good thing, and the irony is that I need alone time. The problem is I also need a few close connections with people I 'click' with. The old adage about being lonely amongst people applies I think.
Sending love to those going through loss of a relationship. I experienced this 5 years ago and genuinely thought I might die of a broken heart. Turns out I didn't and like PP says, I do now appreciate freedom in that sense. I spent a lot of time healing and focusing on getting to know myself, which I think was the best thing I could have done. I'm really glad I didn't meet someone else early on in that process, I think I might have thrown myself into it to ease the heartbreak and wouldn't have grown as much as a person. The only problem is that I kind of shut myself away to deal with it, emerged stronger and then realised my life had drastically shrunk!
I agree that a partner isn't necessarily the answer to loneliness- if you haven't dealt with 'your stuff' or go for someone for the sake of having someone then I think it can end up being worse.
I'm quite good at talking to people but never get very far before the 'imposing horror' kicks in!

Count me in. Yy to the horror of imposing I feel like friends are including me because they feel sorry for me but there’s an awkwardness socialising as a 3 that there wasn’t as a 4

Single for 7 weeks. Not my choice and was out of blue. Struggling with the empty feeling after kids go to bed or when they aren't home. I feel I've put on family enough now so have to get on with it alone.

ShotsFired i go to bed early too to avoid loneliness, or sometimes after work/hobbies i’ll just nap for a few hours to pass the time.

Yes another one here. Single since my divorce four years ago and dc all independent. I work and have a dog, and a handful of friends but my family are in another country and I don't make enough effort to socialise.

I feel like I could die and nobody would notice. Maybe work, after a few days.

There are friends I can meet for coffee or lunch, but no one I know well enough for a weekend away or a concert or a movie. I see things advertised that I'd love to do, but who with.

I feel like I'm turning into a bitter and miserable person, almost nothing makes me feel properly happy any more.

folkgirl Just to say, I went on holiday alone a few years ago (was in a relationship but I had holiday left at end of year and he didn’t).
I was also really nervous beforehand, but really enjoyed myself ! Lots of people struck up conversation with me while I was there , which doesn’t usually happen when travelling as a couple. Including a couple of women who looked a bit fed up with their non-chatty partners (that’s me sometimes too, I thought).
Even going out for dinner alone in restaurant wasn’t too bad - I took a book with me and just watched the word go by.

Folkgirl I didn’t feel patronised at all!
The reason I go to stuff on my own is because otherwise I feel I would miss out on everything.
I’ve always gone to the cinema on my own - even when in a relationship if he didn’t want to see the film. For some reason I find theatre a bit more difficult and feel self conscious but I do it.
I also enjoy watching some sport and will do that on my own, but much prefer doing it with someone else!

Strongsingle 7 weeks is such early days to expect yourself to 'just get on with it' please try not to be so hard on yourself. I don't mean to sound trite, just can't find any better words!

Rainy I hear you on the bitterness thing. I never was but I do think it's one of the awful things loneliness can do to us.

Had anyone been to any meetup groups? I had a look but there wasn't much going on in my area.
I've also considered OLD but am put off by the horror stories I've heard.

HopelessWithNumbers I'm so impressed with how you do things on your own. I wish I was braver in that respect. It's an approach I'd like to cultivate!

Strongsingle I’m in a similar posItion. Three months in tomorrow it’s hard. I feel like everyone’s pity date

@EmmaGoldman1 Somehow it feels like failure.

Nailed it. I feel like an utter failure. Weirdo. Loser. Oddbod.

(I also tried OLD years ago and it was just complete cringe. I couldn't bear doing that again...)

@esk1mo shit, isn't it. Grown-ass women going to bed early to wish away the day

Emma I’ve done Meet Ups over the years, with varying degrees of success. I haven’t made any lasting friends but had some interesting and fun times.

I’ve got the Meetup app and am a member of a few groups but have never gone to anything, and not think i will really. I would love to find a really sociable hobby. A friend of mine has a hobby like that and she also competes at the weekend.

I’m a teacher and almost on holiday so will try this summer to go to a few things myself, cinema or just take myself got the beach with a book for a few hours.

place-marking.
I'm gearing up for a future alone. I am an extravert person. I don't feel being single and alone so often was what was meant for me but when you're single you don't seem to be an obvious invitee. I'm not glamorous or rich enough to add glamour to a gathering, I don't know why I'm never included. I'm becoming more introverted as the years roll on though. I know I have to become strong enough not just to get through the last third of my life but strong enough and confident enough to enjoy it and get as much as I can out of a life lived alone.

Another lonely soul here. 51 and single for nearly 3 years, not by choice. I was left after a very LTR. No DC, no friends or family close by. I know people and spend a bit of time with them, but it'd be great to have a good friend I could meet for a coffee. There's someone I've known for many years who I thought would reach out to me, as I did for her, but she didn't and I cannot get over that - how do you?

I live in a village attached to a small town and there is very little to do here. I think I'll have to move back to where I'm from where there's loads going on!

I'm so glad you've started this thread, as there seemed so many people chiming in on the other one.

So, I'm a single parent, split with DCs dad when they were very small and have been single parenting close to a decade, had a few relationships during that time but have now been single for 2 years. No family. I have one good friend and a few more less locally. And a hell of a lot of people i know, but wouldn't really call friends. Many of them are in couples, long term married and older then me. I also have a horror of imposing. I've done a few meetup groups but I am quite geeky and a bit odd (in a nice way, honest) and I struggle to click with most of the people I have met in my almost year of meetups. They are nice, but just not My People iyswim. I'd like to meet a partner but I'm not in hurry, it has to be the right person.