DH has not come home yet...

[HaveYouSeentheWritingontheWall]

He went to work at 6:30am yesterday, said he was going to have a drink after work and I've not heard from him or seen him since then, he finished work at 12:30.

He's not done this before, but he has recently been lying to me about who he has been out drinking with.

Xpost

I'm so sorry. What an utterly shit thing he has done. Look after yourself.

In the most supportive way possible at least you know now.

You could have been sitting there knowing but doubting and driving yourself crazy over the possibilities. Trying to hold on to the marriage just incase but deep down thinking your relationship was over and being too scared to pull the trigger incase your wrong or incase your right but he making out like your crazy because you have no proof.

I'm really sorry have I really am

Totally agree with say nothing for now, there are some awesome threads running atm by a poster called CoatsProtectionLeague which are pretty much a how-to guide to getting ducks in a row and will be hugely useful if you can make time to read them. I'm so sorry OP, hope you have someone you can trust in RL so you can get some support, we're always here if not though

So sorry OP, I hope you're ho,ding up ok.

I'm with the other posters that say you have to get paperwork sorted first. It'll be really hard not to challenge him, but he'll be expecting you to be upset anyway, so you don't have to pretend to be ok, just don't tell him you know.

You need to make sure you know what would happen with house etc - you have a child with autism, so the smoother the transition is the better.

Make sure you have copies of the letters to use as evidence of adultery.

Sorry this has happened but now you know for certain and can make plans. What a shit he really is.

Good luck with it all

I'm so sorry :(

I'm so sorry. What an utterly shit thing he has done. Look after yourself.

Sorry, double post for some reason.

Sorry to read the outcome, at least you know for definite rather than spending the weekend wondering if he was telling the truth or not x

I'm already in the over 50's age bracket and social life passed me by due to having a child with autism and other co-morbid difficulties and challenging behaviour, we have had a long battle over education, the start of which were illegal exclusions and discrimination, I love him unconditionally and I've done everything I can to set him up to be able to cope with going to college, attending a course that will hopefully lead to a career. It's been a long and arduous process and I'm so proud of what he has achieved so far.

Very sorry this is happening to you

Well now you're free, your son is an adult, and you can start living for yourself. You'll probably have a huge burst of energy, fuelled by anger, so use it to do an adult education course or take up a hobby or start travelling, anything to give yourself things to look forward to.

I used to give myself things like that -
something a week away (even changing hair colour and cut)
something a month away (travelling to see a friend I hadn't seen for a while, perhaps)
something longer-term (doing a course in something interesting)

Keep moving, so you don't feel that he's moved on and you're left behind, stuck in the old life. A friend told me that he found it very helpful to imagine himself as being a floating cork, his ex was a stone tied to him. He visualised cutting the string that attached the stone to him, and when the string was cut he'd bob up to the surface.

I got divorced in 1983 , and, apart from one, very short "disaster", have not had any more relationships.
I never fail to be despaired by people like your husband. Seems what's happened to you is very common.
Wishing you & your sons all the very best for the future

Oh no OP.

Oh, OP. I’m so sorry to read the latest update.

What evidence did you find?

💐💐

Funnily enough I only got my passport yesterday, we have been planning our first foreign holiday. I guess it will be just me and DS going now though.

Have you taken. A copy of the letters, he might destroy them.

Why do men do this ? Idiots.

Token as I said upthread I found 2 beautifully written letters.

notapizzaeater I have the actual letters.

Do you think you should just copy them and put them back?
I don't think you should let him know he is rumbled at this stage.
Do read the thread mentioned earlier it is full of the best advice and strategies.

I’d be showing her husband those letters, what a pair of snivelling, slimey worms your husband and this woman are!

I am so sorry

It would be kind of you to give her husband a heads up too, maybe give him a copy of the letters.