DH has not come home yet...

[HaveYouSeentheWritingontheWall]

He went to work at 6:30am yesterday, said he was going to have a drink after work and I've not heard from him or seen him since then, he finished work at 12:30.

He's not done this before, but he has recently been lying to me about who he has been out drinking with.

The fact he didn’t tell you at the time and is clearly now scrambling to come up with a plausible explanation I think your instincts are right

Sorry, should've refreshed before posting. What's your situation OP? Are you happy? Are there kids to consider? Do you have an income/any security?

Oh dear op. Sounds like this is the last in a long line of troubles.

Have you had any sleep op?

Does the other woman live nearby? I would drive to her house and wait outside for him to come out.

Sorry op, but this is screaming affair to me.
When has he said he will be home?

The old chestnut I ran into a lad and somehow ended up crashed at his.... I'm sorry OP

Woops - sounds very dodgy to me - particularly given that he couldn't contact you during the time

He's lying. You know it. Sorry

Someone more techie than me will tell you how to check his location history on his phone. When he comes back, ask him who and where the friend's house was and then ask him to hand over his phone and check where he's been. Good luck!

An 'old friend'? What's the betting it's someone you've never heard him mention. Never a current friend so you can check the story is it! Also, he'd have texted.

Sorry op :(

I'd tell him 'I'm in the car outside xxx house in 5 mins I'll bring you home' see what he says to them at!

Years ago after being with my then bf for 2 years I had a similar thing happen. We didn’t live together so he would call and text all the time. At lunchtime one day he called to say he had left his job (he was agency) because of a disagreement and so was going home to relax. I was out with my friends, after about 5 hours I thought it was strange he hadn’t called or text so I text him, nothing, tried calling him nothing, I tried all night. Naturally being worried he’d had an accident on his moped I logged into his internet banking. He’d given me the details for emergency’s. Trying to get a sense of what was happening I saw he had withdrawn money from a hotel cashpoint. So okay I thought being stressed he’s just treated himself, we went to hotels often.
After not hearing nothing for all night. In the morning I got up got a bus and train to the hotel and waited for him in the lobby. Only to see him walk out of the lift with another girl, I followed them out and asked him why didn’t he just say he found someone else. When we first got together I said to him if you find someone else just break it off with me don’t cheat.
My heart sank but I realised I was better off without him. Karmas a bitch because all of the stuff we had pre booked to do together had gone wrong for him and the new gf .

You need to confront h8m otherwise it eats you up inside, that one night was the worse night for me Andy I never forget the feeling when I saw him with the other girl.

I have an android phone and googlemaps tracks me. It even sends me an update every month saying review your X month timeline.

I can literally go onto googlemaps and can enter any time and date and see where I was. I used it once to see what time I left my sister's house on Christmas day. It is slightly terrifying that you can be tracked like that - this is not location sharing, but just google tracking my phone.

I don't know if you have something similar but you could always look for yourself. Googlemaps, the three little vertical bars next to where you would type a location, drop that down and one of the options is "your timeline."

If your phone does this, chances are his phone does too but obviously he needs to look on his phone. Might help him convince you of his whereabouts.

The other thing is location sharing which you can ask him to do, you can share for 1 hour. Ask him to do that now. If he wanted your trust he would do it. I do this with my son when he is on school trips, I can see him coming home and he can see my travelling to collect him.

Trust your gut. Always.

electricseal I get an alert telling me when the next bus is due everytime I drive past the bus stop on my street. Drives me mad. But yes, it's very stalkery and there will be ways to find this info out

The 'old friend' does exist (I've met him) as I said earlier they meet up occasionally.

Yes we have kids, 1 over 18, 1under 18 (with Autism). Yes I have an income but it's not great because of the circumstances, security wise we're down to the last few years of the mortgage.

I've had a couple of hours sleep.

He’d have let you know if he’d seen a friend and decided to stay at their place. It’s the height of disrespect to just stay out and not let your partner know, as it’s obvious they’d be worrying.

So I’d have to say he’s lying. Agree with PP questions: finances? Kids? Are you happy? Could you imagine leaving?

After being caught out lying, he should be doing everything he can to rebuild your trust, being transparent, not giving you reason to doubt him. His actions now seem like he’s checked out and just doesn’t give a fuck, to be caught lying and then do something like this. I don’t think he respects you or even really wants to be in the marriage anymore, but he’s too much of a coward to just come out and say it. I am so so sorry.

You and me both OP

Go with your gut OP. This can't be easy xxx

No it's not easy, I'm off to do a drive by of her house to see if her husband's car is in the drive if it is I might just knock on the door and see who is at home. I suspect that her husband doesn't know anything about it either.

This is such brazen bullshit OP. In the real world if someone goes out for a drink after work, bumps into an old friend, and decides to make a night of it and stop over they would ring home to let their partner know. If they have any respect at all for their partner.

So he's either lying and having an affair, in which case tell him to Fuck Off ….....or he has zero respect or consideration for you, in which case tell him to Fuck Off.

My ex did this. We were much younger, no kids, not married but lived together. It hurt so much, not least the casual disregard for my immense worry that he was lying dead in a ditch somewhere. I remember thinking just answer a text and tell me you're alive and you're staying out and then at least I can cross the really hugest thing to worry about. Then I can address all the other concerns. No thought for you at all other than "It's just easier if I don't say anything and then deal with the fall out tomorrow". It's the old adage of it being easier to seek forgiveness than permission, which has always just said to me that you don't really give a shit about the person you're seeking the latter from.

I'm not going to lie, it was the beginning of the end for us. He continued to do it. I felt regardless of what he was doing while he was out, the transgression of having such little respect for me that he didn't feel he needed to tell me that he wasn't coming home was almost enough. The fact he was probably cheating on me was just another brick in the wall. However we had less at stake than you so it was relatively easier for me to say enough is enough.