DH has not come home yet...

[HaveYouSeentheWritingontheWall]

He went to work at 6:30am yesterday, said he was going to have a drink after work and I've not heard from him or seen him since then, he finished work at 12:30.

He's not done this before, but he has recently been lying to me about who he has been out drinking with.

So sorry OP
Does he know that you know?

So sorry OP.
There are so many on here that have been through similar if you need support xx

Sam, no he doesn't know that I know, hopefully it stays that way until I find out for certain where he was last night.

Pack his bag and put it in the doorstep. Then close the door to him and your relationship.

Well done for keeping strong 💐🌺🍷

I cannot believe you have kept your cool. Well done. I would of packed his stuff, put it outside and locked the doors with my keys in. Infact i probably wouldn't of been able to look at him and would of had it out there and then before telling him to leave.

Have you got any friends for support OP?

In the big scheme of things, where he was last night doesn't matter in the fact he's already been a total dickhead.

You've got the letters.

You've got your friends from work proving this with pics.

The ball is now firmly in your court.

He may never admit if he was there or not.
For you, yes you need to know I totally get that I've been there. But, he's already disrespected you and your marriage.

Get what you need. Get your photocopies, pictures on your phone, passwords etc and get yourself sorted. Get a SHL and go to town on his selfish, unreliable, unhonest arse.

It's all about you now and making your life easier. Not him.

Do what you need to for your future.

Be strong, get your game face on and make sure YOU are ok.

It's hard and it will be hard but girl, you've got this.

💐💐💐

The sneaky bit is accessing bank statements etc etc before he can hide things.

Not everyone would do this but to be underhand to have an affair well, I'd assume they would deceive in this area also.

I was so uneducated to any of this when it happened to me and I wasn't on mumsnet then.

I've had advice for all kinds of things and this is the one thing that's repeated again and again.

Get your ducks in a row.

Coats protection league needed on this thread

S@sparklepops123

This 100%.

Absolutely.

I am so sorry. What a pig.

To everyone saying lock him out.
If the house is in joint ownership that would be illegal.
Even if it wasn't it would still be an asset of the marriage, so OP couldn't lock him out.

Oh OP

He's so brazen to do it in pubs etc

I can't just lock him out, I cannot put ds through that right now, he is in his final few weeks of school, doing transition days at college. If I do anything right now it would destroy him, we are the only constant things in his life atm, autism in a family changes your whole life, consistency in our lives is crucial. For me right now life sucks, we will get through this though with our self esteem intact.

You do what is best for you and your children op.

Stay with him and work it out don't stay with him and have a new life.

It's your choice. Make the one you want. And if you decide to change it in a few weeks, months or years then that's your decision.

I hope you are ok and have people to talk to and support you whatever choice you make.

But don't ever feel like you can't change things or you have to stay because you don't.

It's not always cut and dried but it's your call and your call only.

He doesn't deserve you.

Please read the coats protection league though just to give you an idea of what you could do if you wanted xx

@HaveYouSeentheWritingontheWall
I am a also an autism mum, and that is a valid point. So much transition going on.

Are you and H able to function normally until DS2 is settled into this new routine, without any big clues being given away? My ASD DS is only 9, so goes to bed quite early and DH and I usually visit disagreements after bedtime. Obv this is much bigger than a disagreement plus your DS doesn't have an early bedtime.

Am so sorry this is happening. Courage.

And as others have said, if you haven't already, please read Coats thread.

You sound like you've very much got the right approach.

Take time to figure out the best way to move forward with the least disruption and accommodating the preparation that you will need for your son and everything that you can do to make that as smooth a transition as possible. The college transition and a relationship breakdown would be a lot for him to handle and you're right to take your time and plan out how you'll manage this the best for you and your son.

It's not an either or - you stay forever or you go now! - you can take time to plan to make it the least traumatic as possible and then you split when you're happy you've done all you can to make that move.

It will end in divorce, there is no way back from this but it will be a long and slow process. Ds will be dependent on us for a long time yet and he will remain my priority.

While dh was out watching the football I found another letter.

I've been talking to my mum, she went through the same thing when I was little.

Oh op I'mim sorry.

He's an absolute dick. An absolute stupid dick. He will look back one day and wonder why he did this. They all do at some point.

It's awful. No words from anyone can really help can they but you will get through this. You seem very very strong from your posts.

You are the better person and the stronger person.

Has he come home now?

@TheMonkeyMummy sometimes I wish that DS would go to sleep quite early early for ds would be midnight but I was glad that he was still awake at 2am and woke me up because that's when I noticed that DH wasn't at home.
I will be able to function normally for a while, at least until H gets served with the divorce papers.

@MumMuuumMummy yes it is brazen to do it in pubs that we both use, perhaps he was thinking that it was a good double bluff, it wasn't because it's backfired on him.

@itsbritneybiatch you're right, in the grand scheme of things it doesn't matter where he spent the night but I don't want to drag a potentially innocent person into this mess unless I really have to