DH has not come home yet...

[HaveYouSeentheWritingontheWall]

He went to work at 6:30am yesterday, said he was going to have a drink after work and I've not heard from him or seen him since then, he finished work at 12:30.

He's not done this before, but he has recently been lying to me about who he has been out drinking with.

Well before I got there DH phoned me, he was on his way home.

Before he got in I did a bit of snooping and found irrefutable evidence of an affair, so now I know for definite.

I'm so sorry

What a wanker.

I'm so sorry to hear this OP. Be prepared for him to tell you you're 'mental' (gaslighting) or offering up a range of such unbelievable 'reasons' why what you've found isn't actually what you found. He is most likely to try and wriggle out of it and attempt to make you question 'oh did I get it wrong?'. You probably haven't got it wrong at all I'm so sorry to say.

Oh shit. Be strong.

Oh no.

What have you found?

I’m so sorry OP.

Well I'll be making an appointment with a solicitor on Monday to start divorce proceedings on the grounds of his adultery, anyone know how long it will take?

What a bastard he is.So sorry 💐💐

2 beautifully written letters from her to him.

💐 So sorry.

Thanks for all the flowers

Oh shit. So sorry

Hope you can get all financial arrangements in place quickly, and that he moves out. It's not easy, but in ways when your marriage breaks up after many years it's a sort of kick up the arse, is a bit rejuvenating. Instead of settling into middle age, you have to get yourself out there to have a social life, do things you wouldn't otherwise have done.

Maybe hold off on telling him you know to give you a bit of time to get a leg up in the divorce proceedings and get everything in order

I would tell him nothing until you've seen a solicitor, and if you have any joint bank accounts, get the cash out of them now!

So sorry for you.

Sorry OP are you sure the letters are evidence though and not just fantasy on her part? Not trying to justify what your H has done

Oh no. He’s hidden letters from her. How awful you found them. Stay strong. Try not to confront him if you can so you can get the financials sorted.

I’m so sorry OP. I recommend getting advice before you let him know you know, if you can manage it. Otherwise he could easily just drain the joint accounts of cash, which is perfectly legal, leaving you up shit creek without any resources to seek legal advice or even feed yourself.

Oh no OP, I'm so sorry

Oh op. I'm sorry

I think you already knew though didn't you?

I agree, say nothing until you have those ducks in a row

I’m so sorry to read your updates OP. Were these emails or letters? Make sure you have screenshots somewhere safe in case you need them.

That's terrible.

I'm sure you already know this, but please collect important paperwork such as passports, bank statements, mortgage statements, tax info, birth certificates, etc and put it somewhere safe away from the house.

Photograph the letters.
Say nothing to him, but see the solicitor and gather all your documents.
Photograph payslips, P60s, bills, mortgage paperwork, everything.
Is your home in joint names?
So sorry this is happening to you.
Oh, and STI check.

Op, I'm sorry about this. I do not want to stress you out more but you need to get checked for STI's.