DH has not come home yet...

[HaveYouSeentheWritingontheWall]

He went to work at 6:30am yesterday, said he was going to have a drink after work and I've not heard from him or seen him since then, he finished work at 12:30.

He's not done this before, but he has recently been lying to me about who he has been out drinking with.

DS couldn't even be sure who else was standing near them after all he had just that minute found out about the affair as that is what they were discussing I can't imagine what he was thinking at that point let alone seeing.

@rainbowstardrops thank you

Surely they have a duty to investigate? Presumably there's a list of the people who were there and if a complaint was made they'd have to be questioned?

So he knows how she treats your son and still he behaves as he is. Disgusting and she sounds utter vile. I'd complain to the club and get her banned

@SchnitzelVonKrumm, ok I've been a bit vague about the events etc, I don't want to be completely outed so I'll send you a pm

Oh gosh, it's none of my business, don't out yourself

Have already sent you a pm

After another chat with DS he has told me to tell stbxh that he is a coward and a cheat.

How do I do that without basically giving him the green light to walk away and not look back?

How do I do that without basically giving him the green light to walk away and not look back? - I think he's already doing that really. And do you really want the lying, cheating scumbag back?

Cut the dead wood out of your life, you can clearly do better

@AgathaF I clearly don't want the lying, cheating scumbag back otherwise I wouldn't be divorcing him, would I? He is the father of our children, one of which has an ASD and I don't want him to permanently walk away from them, they don't deserve that?

@sparklepops123 the 'dead wood' will soon be out of my personal life, but hopefully not out of the lives of our children.

I don't want our children hating him, he is and always will be their dad.

I understand that you don't want him to abandon the children. I hope that he's decent enough to want to maintain his relationship with them. It's going to be rocky for a while though, I would think. They're not young children, so they're bound to be angry or confused about his behaviour, and it's understandable that they'd want to express that to him.

Unable to cope with everything that is going on, I booked flights out of the country and we tipped up at a relative's house a couple of days ago, we are staying here for the rest of the week or until I decide to return home, the peaceful area and the everyday laughter in my relatives house has (so far) been like a breath of fresh air.

Well done you 😲😀👌🥂

Well done op

Oh bless you op. I hope you're getting some respite from the awfulness that must be dragging you down.

You sound like an absolutely amazing Mother. You're my hero!

Hugs to you and can so relate. The OW showed how vile she was to my lovely stepdaughter then 26 who is blind, epileptic and has MS by shouting at her on the street that she was damaged goods and a mutant that her father was embarrassed by. OW even went so far as trying to have her sectioned and arrested for making threats after the incident as my SD called her a home wrecker.

Love my SD as when the police arrived over the so called threat and attempt to section, she explained how vile the OW was and the police agreed with her :)

I never told her to hate her father and understood her anger and confusion. My instincts are to protect and focused on helping her get through it and that's what kept me going through it all.

Do things in your own time and own way and you will get through this and I know your son will take comfort from your strength. Hugs to you both!

Well we're back home, stbxh has signed the paperwork for the divorce and is not contesting the divorce on the grounds of adultery, he still has not apologised or even spoken to ds about the way he found out about the affair. Stbxh is still seeing the OW and doing a bad job of trying to hide it from me, it's quite funny really. Eldest DC has finished the the ASD assessments and has been diagnosed with HF ASD.

Hope you had a good break. Good job he's not contesting the divorce. Did you have to name her on the papers?

So is OWs husband accepting the affair or doesn't he know about it?

SandyY2K I didn't have to name her on the paperwork because the law has changed on that, you no longer have to name the co-respondent, my solicitor said that naming her could prolong the divorce if she decided to contest it, I told stbxh that if he didn't contest it I wouldn't name her in the divorce petition and at the time I was thinking more about how DS would feel if the affair became common knowledge (which is a moot point now since the ow couldn't even keep her mouth shut in front of DS).

I won't seek revenge by naming her, I've got the impression that she has sounded off often enough and loud enough for other people to have guessed what is going on, DS has an event to go to today and he has asked me to go and stay there instead of doing my usual "drop and run" I asked why and he said (essentially) that me being there would ensure that she would 1) keep her distance 2) keep her mouth shut and 3) give him someone to talk to between the games because stbxh would obviously be with the group of friends that include her.

I still don't know if her husband knows about the affair, I can't get in touch with him without going to their house, the solicitor said not to go there as she could report that as harassment, I will talk to him if I see him out and about though.

Hi OP
I have just read through the whole thread and I am so sorry what they have done to you. At points I was reading I was just shocked and it’s shit when you suddenly see the person you’ve loved and has loved you for so long act so differently and dismissive. But the one thing that made me upset and really feel for you both was literally your last post about you attending an event with your son to give him someone to talk to as his father would clearly be mingling with the OW 😔 why are they so selfish? And tbh he seems more wrapped up in her than she perhaps is him.

I think we all can gather that he will have it all crashing down when she doesn’t commit to him and the affair isn’t as exciting now it’s out so it will be over.

Sending over hugs and well done for being so strong x

Back with an update, the divorce is ongoing, stbxh has found a flat to rent but it's not available for a couple of weeks, ow keeps making snide comments about DS (within earshot of him) to other people when stbxh is not in the vicinity, I'm really getting pissed off that stbxh can't see her for what she truly is...

All I will say is that she is a nasty piece of work who thinks it is ok to be abusive to and about a teen with Autism and Learning Disabilities.

Why be cruel about your ds , he's done nothing wrong. Evil cow

Your poor DS
I realise he'd probably refuse to believe anything you said, but how are these other people not telling your H what she's saying, especially if they're not hiding the affair?

Does your ds have a phone? Would he be able to surreptitiously record her comments using the voice recorder? Would be nice to catch this nasty, bullying piece of work out.