DH has not come home yet...

[HaveYouSeentheWritingontheWall]

He went to work at 6:30am yesterday, said he was going to have a drink after work and I've not heard from him or seen him since then, he finished work at 12:30.

He's not done this before, but he has recently been lying to me about who he has been out drinking with.

You have class, op

The fact you’ve not given her a knuckle sandwich is absolutely commendable OP

Horrible woman. Typically I'd say leave her to stew in her own juices but now she's crossed the line. Don't do anything rash, but she needs to be stopped from having any contact with DS.

Your cool remains a wonder to behold. 💐

It might well be worth going to the police as it wont be the last time.

I cant even imagine what kind of mental hoops stbx must have to go through To listen to that tirade and stay with her. He is a complete cunt as is she.

I know your strength and dignity will stand you and your children in good stead for the future

Having been through similar I thought I would share a few thoughts:

1. " vile comments from the OW about my teammates and their families" - I bet your ex agreed with these but was always too weak to say anything to you. I have been horrified over the years to hear the disdain from my ex about people we knew or places we went to. If he had been open about that from the start I dont think we would have lasted very long.
2. I think you are in quite a vulnerable position financially. As all your children are very close to being adult, despite one having needs and perhaps not being able to support themselves. Although you have had a long marriage and have had a lower paid job it could reduce any maintenance spousal or child to minimum. So i would try to maximise the asset split and move it up from deemed 50:50 split as soon as possible. Once assets are split it cannot be recalculated.
3. It is interesting that ex supported DS when OW became abusive. My DC is not supported by their father when abused by OW.

Ugh she really is a piece of work calling your DS names like that

Sorry posted too soon. I definitely wouldn't think you would be in the wrong reporting her for threatening him. That's disgraceful

Been talking to stbxh, it seems like he heard the threats and the disablist comments and not the rest of it.

Convenient

And that's not enough?!

What was the rest of it? Her telling the world about their seedy behaviour? Have you told him you'll be reporting the threats and abuse to the police (and what about whichever body is in charge of this activity, surely she'd be banned?)? What a charmer he's picked.

Op I have rtft and just want to let you know that you can report the ow threats as a hate crime and it will be taken seriously.
It's a hate crime because ow knows that your son has a disability but threatened him anyway.
The police have to investigate all hate crimes and they will be full of compassion for you and your ds.

Very sadly one I am not so sure, the minute that op explains that this is her ex's new partner anything SHE says will be dismissed as jealous, vindictive, etc. I have been there, and was none of those things. My ex did nothing whilst their partner dragged my DC out of their room. Their only "crime" was to have spoken about me in their father's home. I reported it to school as a safeguarding matter and was told that my DC might have misunderstood. I have told the school that as far as I am concerned I have reported a safeguarding matter and if matters escalate that they will be held accountable for non-action.

But in this situation men are often believed over women.

Greenlanes what you've been through sounds really unpleasant I'm so sorry.

The situation for the op is different because of her son's disability, this is what makes it a hate crime and the police will have to investigate it. The fact that the person accused is the OW could make it worse for her rather than it being dismissed as jealousy.

She's a horrible bully. It's disgusting that the affair continued after her comments to your DS.

Shows where his priorities lie...or which head he's thinking with.

Can I just check is DS his son or stepson?

Omg I just want to give you a massive hug!! You are so strong op and he is a rat for what he's done!

Well done for holding your head high throughout all of this.

She sounds like a horrible woman. Your DS did not deserve the abuse that she hurled his way.
I really hope her husbands finds out kicks her nasty ass out onto the street!!

@greenlanes it is truly shit when the DC are not supported by their parent, when I was small it was the same my dad left us for his OW and when we were at their house we were treated like shit by her and our dad stood by and did nothing, sometimes we would have nothing to eat or drink while we were there (9am-5:30pm), we often arrived there and were told to go outside to play while they went shopping for the morning.

@SandyY2K yes DS is his son. I think we all know which head he's thinking with

@Onestepbeyondtheedge yes you're right, it is a disability hate crime and that is why I was considering reporting it and the previous incident. I will talk to DS and see what he wants to do, I will also tell stbxh that is what I intend to do, I may even suggest he might like to try a leash and a muzzle

@Mrstobe90 thank you, I also hope hope her husband drop kicks her nasty arse into touch.

What was the previous incident? God she sounds awful.

@SchnitzelVonKrumm yes if she was talking loud enough for DS to hear her talking about their affair then undoubtedly others would have heard too, I wouldn't be surprised if everyone else (including her husband) has known about it from the very beginning, they haven't been as discreet as they think they were. Apparently she can't be banned just because they're having an affair, if I report the threats and comments they won't ban her on "heresay" alone.

@SchnitzelVonKrumm previous incident was remarkably similar to this one, DS was behaving in a way that is in keeping with his ASD diagnosis she threatened him and made disablist comments.

Heresay? There were witnesses.

In fact one of the witnesses was your H, who acknowledges he heard the threats and disabilist comments. Awkward for him if they were to ask

DS does not know for certain that anyone else heard what was said except for stbxh and it is unlikely that he would report his mistress for actions that may get her banned.

Bloody hell, they deserve each other!!!! I hope you and your DS are as ok as you can be and that you kick your stbxh and his bit on the side to the kerb