I'll try to keep this brief. We've been arguing for over a week now and it's really taking its toll.
The history: Before we had kids my career had the edge on his because I had stability as well as money.
Then we had four kids in eight years and my work dropped right back to intermittent freelancing. I've always stepped in to fill the gap when his work is going badly. Over the past year I've been gradually weaving my way back into work.
Last week he was offered the lead in a play which would mean he'd be away for seven weeks. The money was so crap that we would actually make a loss (because he'd have to cancel work already booked) and I would not be able to book work which would be a significant setback in my employment strategy.
His argument .... 'It's a lead. I'm an actor. It's like Hamlet. You knew I was an actor when you married me. '
Anyway after big emotional scenes he decided not to do it but he was absolutely horrible to me. He was upset and hurt and so he said some really nasty stuff to me and had a primitive outburst involving waving a chair over his head and shouting whilst our children were in bed asleep. (One hopes!)
His agent 'phoned yesterday to say he has now been offered a TV job in Bradford (we live in Brighton) for 12 weeks. The pay is better, but not great. It's hardly art (daytime drama) but I can tell he has no intention of even discussing it this time and frankly nor have I. He was so horrible last time.
I'm in a no win situation. If I try to dissuade him he'll turn into the chair waving gorilla man again. So I'll let him go and prepare for me and the kids to suffer and intensely horrible 12 weeks. There is too much work here with four kids (3 of them boys) and only one parent. I know from experience. Also, all my hard work on my career will be lost and I'll be back to square one.
I'm honeslty not sure what to do. I'm not sure our marriage can survive this.