Should i pursue this man?

[Auldspinster]

I had the major fanny gallops for a colleague who has recently left.

I never acted on it largely because we were colleagues but obviously that doesn’t apply now.

Would it be a terrible idea to private message him on facebook and say, ‘look, I fancied the pants off you when we worked together, now we don’t, do you want to do something about it? If not, delete this message and pretend it never happened.’?
We’re both in our 40s, not sure of his marital status – he didn’t have a wedding ring but wore a non weddingy ring on his right hand and never mentioned a significant other. I felt very strong chemistry when he was around but am well aware it could have been totally one sided. I figure I’ll likely never see him again I thought in for a penny, in for a pound.

Am I being startlingly naïve or should I go for it?

Rather than stampeding towards him like a horny rhino, why not a message asking if he’d like to meet up for a drink / coffee / shared activity on a particular day.

If he’s interested and can make it great! If he’s interested but can’t make it he’ll suggest another time. If he’s not he’ll say he’s busy and not follow up.

I would probably want to stay in touch but maybe try to scope things out a bit better before being quite so bold! Are you Facebook friends or were you planning on looking him up?

Go for it!

Yeah more subtle 'shall we catch up over coffee?' He's keen if it's a yes I presume.

I should have mentioned, i think we'd make a terrible couple, we have nothing in common and he can be a bit of a knob.

Certainly not looking for a lasting relationship, just a fling. Which is why i couldn't really act when we were working together.

I was with a partner for a decade but we weren't married so no rings - really don't use that as any sort of decision making!

So very definitely go in a bit slower!

Cos if the chemistry wasn't one sided it'd be a terrible waste.

Yes suggest a cpffee or drink

I'm in a fwb thing with a lovely guy just now, neither of us are looking for anything serious and the sex is good but not earth shattering.

Which leads to the wondering about the ex colleague, it would take all my restraint not to leap on him at time such was the sexual attaction - completely bypassed the brain.

Rather than stampeding towards him like a horny rhino

I agree with PPs, just ask him for a coffee/drink.

It's trying to strike the balance between making it clear i don't want to go out with him but like him that way and coming across like i'm on heat i guess.

He's rather unreconstructed and i'm quite large but also quite pretty and old enough to be comfortable in my skin and sexually confident - can see him not wanting to be seen in public with a fat burd but perhaps think something quite different in private.

Blimey op. Perhaps a more blunt approach it is then!

Agreed, at least you will know immediately where you stand

Yes. I don't want to go out with him either, he has highlights shudders. Still incredibly sexy though.

I'll message him and report back.

For all you know, he's married and has children. You're shagging someone else. You think he's a knob and wouldn't want a relationship with him.
Yet you're going to ask if he fancies sex.
What if his wife sees your Facebook post? He'll certainly have a lot of explaining to do.

Obviously I differ from the MN consensus. I guess I'm terribly old-fashioned.

I know he definitely doesn't have children.

I am single as is the man i see from time to time, we aren't exclusive, always use condoms and have been open about what we were looking for from the beginning.

I'm not interested in him if he's attached. I'm a free agent and not going to be slut shamed for having sex.

Nothing wrong with you wanting or liking u attached sex at all!!

Op has made clear if he is attached she won't go there but there were no obvious signs he was.

I say go for it.

We've all been there. Incredibly attracted to them but not wanting a relationship for whatever reason. Making sure you're both on the same page isn't easy! Good luck hope he's all you're hoping he'll be

I've got no expectations beyond either getting the brush off or having some great/mediocre/rubbish sex.

He's a middle aged man with rather teenage pursuits which I won't mention as they're slightly outing.

Rather than stampeding towards him like a horny rhino

That made me spit my fruit juice out....

Another vote for a slightly more tactful message - but go for a drink, not a coffee and seduce the pants off him. Good luck!

GO FOR IT

Given that you want fwb and not a relationship (which is obv fine when both parties are adults and agree, btw) I'd go for the "drink" not "coffee" approach, because the latter has a more "getting to know you" vibe.

Rather than stampeding towards him like a horny rhino.

I'm still laughing out loud. Thank you for that StringandGlitter. It's been a pretty draining day.

I’d go horny rhino every time. All that coffee dicking about is boring & what he’ll be used to when being flirted with or pursued.
Dare to be different!

I couldn't read past major fanny gallops😂😂😂😂😂