15 years, 2 kids, she doesn't want me. What do I do now?

[OMGtwins]

As the title, together with my DW 15 years, civil partnership nearly 8, 2 kids in primary school, own house, only I work.

Tonight she told me she loves me as a best friend not a wife, there's no one else, it's been coming for years. She doesn't want to hurt me, but thinks she wants to be with a man.

Broken. Head spinning, can't sleep. Staying here in spare room tonight until tmrw morning to not upset kids.

What do I do now?

Lovely gets lovely back in my book, karma at work.

Late to the thread... currently going through similar things... 15 yrs, 2 kids (4 + 2) baby due in 6 weeks... struggling a lot.! Bending over backwards to be civil - I really want to remain friends, he appears not too... is being hurtful and cruel... Moved in with a young girl 8yrs our junior 4 days after leaving... its been 6 weeks now, hes introduced her to my kids against my wishes and basically just wants a fight.! Please say it gets better x

mumof3myworld, start a new thread in relationships, they'll be loads of people that can give you practical help about what you need to get organised, from bank and pension statements, CSA, finding a good lawyer etc. as well as psychological support

Well, I'm sitting in the sunshine having a beer with a lovely friend who is giving me therapy by swiping right on people she thinks I'll like on online dating 😆😆😆

It's been a rollercoaster of a week, but it's done, and it's getting more normal. Next week's focus, finding a place to rent.

Twins out 😁

Twins glad things are calming down for you and starting to feel more normal.

Mumof3 it will get easier but I agree it would be good to start your own thread.

Another week gone, another rollercoaster 😆

Might have overcooked it last weekend so had a hard mid week, but now I'm good again, and have the kids overnight tonight for the first time since we split 😁

Twins, good to see you posting, glad you've got the littles overnight.

I'm just sad today. Predictable tbh cos I had the kids sat and sun and took them back on sun afternoon and went for a run. Then found out my Dad had a motorbike accident and has banged himself up a bit and needs to rest and recover. It could have been a lot worse, so that's something. Meant to be going to see my folks at the end of this week with the kids for a week and now that might not happen because small kids are not exactly compartment with a grandparent recovering well. Tired and sad. I know it will pass but it feels rubbish.

I think this is a pattern, I see the kids over the weekend, make it through Monday at work and then feel rubbish, boo. Early night tonight I think, and hope I'll feel better in the morning.

Can you are them midweek as well xx

See them

Yeah see them Mon Wed Fri. Not having so much of an issue with the kids today, just really sad about the fact she doesn't want me.

Sending you a big if that is acceptable to do. It will be up and down but you are doing so so well. I am sure when you have your own house it will start to be easier xx

Ty sad, hugs are all good 😁

Sorry to hear about your dad - hope he recovers soon.

And it must be hard for you to not be with your kids, it's inevitable that you'll feel rubbish at times. for you, if you want it!

Dear Twin...it is Ok to be sad...IMHO we reconnect to our deep inner self via sorrow and sadness and this can lead by extension to feel more compassion and empathy toward others ...the best poems are written through pain and sorrow..do you think hugging some of your twins soft toys and rocking yourself to sleep with a nice music you like in the background might help? (A bit silly my following advice: try not to jump in any new relationship until you feel healed or until you feel that you have somehow accepted that she is not into you anymore-that is until you can think about it without too tight a pinch in your heart...this day will come..time is a healer...)

So its been a month or so since I last posted, and lots has changed, and things I hope are beginning to settle down.

I've found a place of my own and am about to move in, things are proceeding with custody and finances, and actual divorce too.

Kids are still doing ok, and I'm ok too (with up and down days). Anyway, next phase soon to be started, living on my own! Never done that before, so any/all tips wpujd be appreciated 🙂

Plan your time so you aren't sitting alone staring at the walls when you don't have the kids. Take joy in decorating / choosing things you like without having to consult another. Sounds like you're doing great x

Go out, talk to friends, use your time to do things. Join things that interest you. Plan a holiday with friends or family. Whatever you do don't mope around. Find a project to get involved with. I've got several and am so busy it's become stressful. But it's nice to feel useful and wanted 😃

Thank you Fred and Butterfly, good advice :)

Got an evening class one night and dinner with friends another each week and many upcycling/making things projects 😁 and yes it so lovely to just choose what I want for my own space 😁

Ps sorry it took me so long to reply, for some reason I didn't get emails about your posts...