15 years, 2 kids, she doesn't want me. What do I do now?

[OMGtwins]

As the title, together with my DW 15 years, civil partnership nearly 8, 2 kids in primary school, own house, only I work.

Tonight she told me she loves me as a best friend not a wife, there's no one else, it's been coming for years. She doesn't want to hurt me, but thinks she wants to be with a man.

Broken. Head spinning, can't sleep. Staying here in spare room tonight until tmrw morning to not upset kids.

What do I do now?

Good luck twins. Wishing you lots of strength for today and well done on yesterday. I'll be thinking of you

Just want you to know that I'm thinking of you.

Ty kids, Fred and Seafour.

We've just told the kids, they cried, but seemed to calm down as we explained more and answered their questions. Played up the 2 houses and them helping me choose a new place and new furniture and said it would be exciting because it's an adventure. Also reassured them quite a lot about us still loving them lots wherever we are and that we're still a family and will still do things together, but that to be the best we can be for everyone Mummy and me need to live in seperate houses because we're too different.

We're now playing in the house and my family are coming around en masse in a bit. They seem fine for now.

Well done Twins! That's the worst over I promise

Ty Fred, I hope so. The main thing for me now is that there's no more lying and half truths now the kids know, and I can tell who I want without worrying it will get back to them.

Oh dear it must have been quite tough...but it is behind you now...and you can speak freely...nice feeling ...(i can't yet because it pains HIM!!!...) now maybe if the kids are not with you you can pop to a pub to have a drink and cry and even "collapse" a bit and cry more...It is oktofeel weak disoriented and open upyour heart to complete strangers - maybe you go to a New far away pub ....It is also ok just to turn the music on go to bed and hug yourself ...You already dealt beautifully for most of the thorny and painful issues...🍷

Am actually at a pub, Kids! With family, which is lovely. I think I am sinking into my seat right now 😆

You've earned it twins! Enjoy

Ah Twins, it sounds like you've handled today beautifully. It's another day that you never have to do again.

Ty Fred and Seafour, it's been another day that has been so tough, but has gone as well as it could have done, and I'm glad it's done. It's thanks to a lot of support IRL, from my friends and family. They are all lovely, and listen to me, and give me all the cuddles, but they won't let me spout any crap 😆 Lots of cuddles combined with tough love. Mega. Lucky me.

So today, after doing the school run with the kids and getting some nick backs to make myself feel at home in my temp home, I am having a day off from all the hard stuff and wandering round being a tourist with my parents in my home town. It's stinkingly hot, but very lovely.

Tmrw I'll be back on it with budgeting etc, and back to work but today is a day off 😁

*nick nacks...

Twins, you sound so much better, more in control and more accepting and positive about the whole shit storm that has hijacked your life.
Stay strong, resolute and dignified as you have done since your first post.

Hello twin - have a nice week- I hope you enjoyed your time in the pub-I hope she will find a job -you still got the twins and your wonderful self! Keep going...🍻

Back to work today, feeling really anxious about it. Also not seeing the kids this evening, which is hard. Any tips?

Re work look at it as your new life meeting your old life. Don't stand there and listen to people's opinion on your life / relationship (the amount of people who say ridiculous things life 'but you were the perfect couple'to me was unreal). Walk away. Nod and leave. That is if people know. A curt 'I'm not ready to talk about it thank you' and move on. You will be emotional so go easy on yourself. All in all you will probably find it helpful as a distraction from your thoughts.

Re the kids it's really hard. I FaceTime mine most nights they aren't here just to say night but that can hurt too. Time does make it easier, and filling that time without them in a positive way.

Good luck today x

Hi twin fred nailed it: the remarks of others can be well off mark , derail your recovery and jeopardise your mental health ..to paraphrase the French philosopher Sartre 'the hell exists- it is in the eyes of others '- so the hell with others! Be strong don't let them feel they can come, scratch your wounds and pour their negative feelings...they might have good intentions but heywhat does conventional wisdom says? 'The hell is paved with good intentions'so build "that wall" and keep them off your hurt heart...about kids: this is tough being without them...may i suggest that you do the following: when you are not with them prepare some activity that you will do with them when you meet them..
If they are not babies then you can tell them.about these preparations when you meet them -it is a bit like you are getting back a bit of them even if they are physically far away...if they are babies then go look for nice paths to take them for a walk ..It is a bit like being with them ...good luck ! 🍀Keep strong 🍷

Nothing to add about work, the others have nailed it other than take some me time over lunch, get out and go for a walk to clear your head.
On missing the kids, especially evenings, but some duplicates of their favourite stories or buy new books but get two identical ones. You can read them over Skype or FaceTime. I do this with my dgc in New Zealand.
Take care

How was it Twins?

It was hard but it went iyswim. Will see how tmrw goes. Went for a lovely swim with a friend this evening so nicely tired and in bed now. Hopefully zzzzzz soon 😁

Day 2 back at work and I felt normal a couple of times, which was good. Also no tears before work so I'll take that as a win 😁 Still knackered but less so than yesterday I think. Slept better after the swim, so planning to go again later this week.

Also saw the kids earlier after work, which was lovely, they spent most of the time glued to me, so I had many cuddles 😁 Hard to leave, because my little girl didn't want me to leave and not be there in the morning, but I didn't cry.

Sitting watching football with my friends now, which is lovely 😁 Hopefully I'll get an early night tonight, provided the footy doesn't go on for ages!

Twins you're doing great you really are. If I'm not around for the next few days it's because my firstborn arrived today from NZ ready for ds2 wedding on Saturday. I will absolutely still be reading your posts so please don't stop.

Seafour, your encouragement is really helping, thank you. I hope you have an absolute blast with your family from NZ in the next few days and I will keep writing 😁

Twins your story has touched me, your writing is eloquent, impassioned and full of tangible emotion. I will keep dropping in over the weekend but probably won't have time to post, normal service will be resumed next week.

You are amazing. You are putting your children first. Keep going one foot in front of another