15 years, 2 kids, she doesn't want me. What do I do now?

[OMGtwins]

As the title, together with my DW 15 years, civil partnership nearly 8, 2 kids in primary school, own house, only I work.

Tonight she told me she loves me as a best friend not a wife, there's no one else, it's been coming for years. She doesn't want to hurt me, but thinks she wants to be with a man.

Broken. Head spinning, can't sleep. Staying here in spare room tonight until tmrw morning to not upset kids.

What do I do now?

Day 9. Back in my home town, at the friends who are putting me up temporarily.

Cried a bit this morning before leaving my parents house, but have been ok since then.

Not been upstairs to my new room yet, I expect I'll feel a bit funny/sad when I move my stuff in (and I need to get some more from my old house, as I've only got the stuff I grabbed to go up to my folks at the moment).

What a difficult day for you, can someone go with you when you go to collect your stuff or at the very least suggest that you have the chance to be in the house without your wife being there. Maybe a chance for you to have some quality time alone with the DC's.
Stay strong your doing fab, you really are.

Try and think of all of these big things as steps you need to get through to reach your happy future. You can do this.

Ty Fred and Seafour. Yes not going for stuff without someone else, probably tmrw night. Seeing my wife to discuss how we get through the weekend in the morning. As predicted I had a wobble when I brought my stuff in from the car to my new room, but think I'm ok now. Time to attempt sleep, I think. It's so hot here still...

Hey Twins hope your meeting with wife went well, how are you after that? Must have been difficult.

Hey Seafour. Today has been so hard and Ive been a mess through a lot of it, but I've got through. Woke up this morning in my new room in my friends house and instantly felt incredibly sad... Got dressed and went downstairs and fell apart on my friends shoulder whilst she got her kids ready for school, and just about managed to get a grip in time for my wife coming around thanks to going for a walk with her after the kids had been dropped off. The hour with my wife was probably the hardest hour so far, I cried a little twice but generally kept it together because we focussed on how to get through this weekend (family event, telling the kids...) Then I fell apart as soon as the door shut behind her, and cried a bit more on my lovely friend. Then we went to our local blue and yellow box of dreams to have lunch and get me some storage for my new room, and some nice bedding to make me feel at home, which was nice and I was fine all the way through. Got back and did the school run with my wife, told the teachers we were seperating and that we were gonna tell the kids this weekend, then headed back to our family house. That was a right headfuck, and wrecked me because it was like everything and nothing had changed all at once. I managed 2 hours with the kids but had to leave. Managed to get out without crying and drove around the corner out of sight before losing my shit. Proper ugly crying in the car and a 45mins phonecall with a other friend who listened to me sob and tell her I was a mess, then told me exactly what to do to get to my parents (who are down for the weekend for said family event). Had a nice meal with my parents at their hotel and have now come home to my new place and my lovely friends, and I'm knackered but just about ok so long as the 3 foot rule is in effect as it has been for most of today (and it is what it sounds, I'm never more than enough feet from one of them). Wow that was long, as I said today has been had.

*never more than 3 feet away...

And

*today has been hard...

Op I don't have any pithy words of wisdom but I wanted to let you know you were heard.

What plans have you made for the weekend?

Ty Ford, weekend rammed with family event (where kids don't know we're seperating), other usual weekend kids stuff and them telling them what's going on. It's gonna be hard, but I'll be glad when it's done.

Well done twins. Keep going

I'm going through the exact same thing as you right now. I'm the one wanting to leave though. He is devastated today.

I hope it gets easier for you.

Twins the upside of days like yesterday is that you never have to do that day again, it's done and over. That doesn't mean that today won't be just as hard but it will be different and each day will get easier.
Stay strong, enjoy spending time with the twins and your parents

Ty Seafour. I'm having my usual morning so now right now so that's really helpful. Tried a bit of meditation, and that's helped a bit and gonna have a shower right nowt, but feel bereft right now. Hard. One foot in front of the other...

*usual morning wobble/cry...

Thinking of you xxx

Ty Frank. This morning is hard but less tears so than the same time yesterday, so I'll take that 🙂

I hope it goes well (well, as well as it can do) when you tell the children

Stay strong, you've got this.

Oh dear! Ignore my username. It is there to give me strength to try and rebuild our marriage despite his ugly betrayal . My talk might be just rubbish although I wish it can be distracting you even a few seconds from your immense pain.
So I got 4 kids and two are twins. I guess you have twins. I guess the process of getting pregnant was not straightforward. If I am right then from what i read such processes are 'the norm ' among same sex parents and they can be hard and painful (and also expensive) Add to this the usual.stress of having twins (I know his first hand -mine were ptemature) and I believe that this is on one hand a potential lethal combination to a couple love life and on the other hand a sure recipe to even appreciate more and bond more your kids. So such situation push parents to two opposite extremes : a shared deep special bond with the twins and a deep shattering of their love life. In you case of it is not painful enough then you come to realise that your wife wants something you can never give her: she wants to be with a man...in fact you share a common experience with straight couple where one of them.comes out of the closet and walks off the marriage....I trust that get few of us can really realise how devastating it is for you...My marriage also went through earthquakes (not yet fully recovered still fragile- a betrayal with tragic consequences). ..I just admire that you still try to keep your mind clear and your deep love for your kids intact . I admire that you are willing to just set her free without harming her or the kids (how deep and pure must be your love for her!) however I am glad he ladies around out in you some sense so that you do make sure that you don't lose everything in this break up...having read you I.am sure that you will find in your beautiful heart and mind the power to heal and bounce back...I am glad that you focus on the variables you can control : making sure that none of you suffer financially from the situation, living your kids and forgiving her and yourself as well... remember: you could not have prevented it;however you can fight to preserve the good memories of the past and continue enjoying the future (she is the mum of your dear twins)...you are now going through a painful period but this can be also a corridor toward light and light for this woman out there that will love you for the dignity and great strength of character/mind and heart you are showing in this terrible trial you are going through...

Ty for your kind message @kidsneedafather, I think you've managed to read between the lines and have a reasonably accurate picture of what's going on. I'm blown away by your kind words too, this thread has been so supportive generally and really helpful to me, in addition to all the real life support I've had.

So today has been a right rollercoaster ride, but again, it's done, and I'm still standing (tries not to sing Elton John...).

This morning was the family event and OMG it was so hard for 3 hours... Apparently I put on the performance of my life because I "looked like I was having a lovely time". I very nearly lost it as we were packing up, but not in front of the kids or the guests, only my parents, and I pulled myself together in the loos at lunchtime.

Had a lovely lunch with my folks (my wife had lunch seperately) and then let them play in the pub playground before heading back to the family home to do presents, with us 4 and my folks. Had a surprisingly lovely time, and enjoyed being silly with the kids and that was just what I needed. Left there whilst the going was good and had 2 hours in my temp home, 1 of them ony own with the dog and I wasn't a mess, might even go so far as to say I was relaxed. Did an activity with my friends kids when they all got home and then their kods went to bed and I went out for tea with my folks, which was again quite relaxing. Now back at my temp home, chilling with my lovely friends. Not looking forward to telling the kids tmrw afternoon, but we know what we're going to say and we just have to start. So that's me, Day 11, done.

Morning Twins, sounds like you got through yesterday really well, just wanted to wish you strength to get through today. It's going to be hard for all of you but it really is admirable that you are able to still put the children first even in the midst of your own pain and turmoil. The world would be a better place if there were more parents like the two of you in it.

Ty Seafour, I appreciate it. We owe it to them to do the best we can because that's what we brought them into this world for isn't it? Everything I have read says that the best way for the kids is to keep communication open btw the adults, don't fight over them and make it very clear it's not their fault. One foot in front of the other again today I reckon, because before we tell them I've got to get my clothes and a few bits of stuff whilst they're out this morning, I'm still living out of a weekend bag!

Good morning Twins! Keep strong and keep updating us. You are a great example of how to handle with grace divorce and separation and if how to be a great parent...Seafour you beautifully said what I am thinking...Twins I am waiting to see you freeing your "me" ...let the pain come in and use it to rediscover the little things you used to like doing before the marriage/the pregnancy/the parenting ate up all your time....these traumas are great opportunities for a rebirth...when you have put together again your "me" go out and look for your soul sister...we love you