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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

The ignoring.....still going on (thread 3)

251 replies

TheOrigFV45 · 26/06/2018 13:49

Old thread [https://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2749459-the-ignoring-not-so-gaaaaa-part-2]

@RandomMess asked "Is he supposed to inform you/get permission from you to take him abroad?"

I reply : Nope (apart from one specific trip he was thinking of planning).

OP posts:
Wallywobbles · 19/02/2019 20:32

You know it's ok to tell him to sort it out. Just tell him when you are not/available and tell him to work it out. And to give you enough notice next time. Put the ball back in his court.

Original poster
TheOrigFV45 · 19/02/2019 21:30

I'm really torn.

DS2 really wants to go. I just don't think I can do it unless I change the existing plans for that evening, which involve quite a few other family members. Once again, ex has his control over me, but it's involving DS2 so I don't know if I am allowing that to cloud my judgement.

Should I prioritise DS2 over everything else?

OP posts:
RandomMess · 19/02/2019 21:33

No you shouldn't otherwise you are setting a precedent that he invites DS2 to do something and you run around like a headless chicken making it happen.

Response to DS2 and Dick head "sorry we already have plans"

How much notice has he given you?

Original poster
TheOrigFV45 · 19/02/2019 21:34

How's this? Names changed. Ann and Bill are ex's Mum and step dad. He hasn't seen his Mum in 16 years and has never seen his step dad.

"Twat,
DS2 is keen to go to the football with you, however we have plans early evening. The only way it would work is if you can collect him and then return him to Ann and Bill's house that evening.

It would be better if you run suggested plans by me first rather than get DS's hopes up, as you are relying on me to take him."

OP posts:
Original poster
TheOrigFV45 · 19/02/2019 21:35

It's on March 2nd

OP posts:
RandomMess · 19/02/2019 21:40

Twat.

DS2 is keen blah de blah.

You will need to collect him from and return him to Bill and Ann's.

Fortunately on this occasion I am able to accommodate your very short notice request; this may not always be he case.

RandomMess · 19/02/2019 21:41

Don't mention your plans! Nothing, grey rock!

Original poster
TheOrigFV45 · 20/02/2019 07:02

I emailed him last night and am now full of stress awaiting his reply. He probably won't. I have explained to DS2.

I need to remind myself that I cannot change ex's response to me so I might as well not waste energy worrying about it. Ta da.

Meanwhile, he's still got DS's bike.

OP posts:
RandomMess · 20/02/2019 08:31

Unfortunately because of what Twat is I think you need to be cold hard line no frilly behaviour no in future please do x

KOKO Thanks

Original poster
TheOrigFV45 · 21/02/2019 07:22

He replied. Well, not really a reply, cos he didn't respond to what I actually said, just told me he'd need to leave at whatever time from either A or B (both an hour away). Nothing about the other end of the day.

I wrote back saying "It's not possible".

OP posts:
RandomMess · 21/02/2019 08:15

Well done you!

It must be strange for him that you now have a voice that says "no, that doesn't work for me" Grin

Original poster
TheOrigFV45 · 21/02/2019 15:38

I think he just hates my guts and believes I am deranged.
I say just look at which parent the boys choose to live with.

I mean FFS, if you want to see your sons and don't have a car, get a sodding bus to town (where I am happy to drop them - 3 miles away rather than 25). It'll just kill him to admit he's fucked up - it's always everyone else.

Interesting that in court he blathered on about how he'd got a car so he could facilitate contact. The judge was like ermmm....and??

OP posts:
RandomMess · 21/02/2019 17:07

He is just entitled, he believes you should do whatever he wants...

Original poster
TheOrigFV45 · 25/02/2019 08:57

Guess what?

Ex emailed a list of 6 or so potential more local footie matches he could take DS2 to. All the dates, and a reasonable drop off and collect point.

I think he doesn't have a car at all, so I will have to enable contact somehow. This involves dropping DS2 in the city, where I am more than happy to spend time either going for a run, shopping or visiting local friends and family.

I emailed back with the ones which would work. Let's see.

OP posts:
RandomMess · 25/02/2019 09:19

I take that as a victory Thanks

Weenurse · 25/02/2019 09:42

Good luck 💐

Original poster
TheOrigFV45 · 01/03/2019 07:29

DS2 in tears cos his Dad has not responded to both our requests for his nice bike. He has cycle proficiency at school next week and really wants his nice bike.
I have tried one last time. I explained about control to DS2.

I had to stop myself pleading in the email - that's what ex wants.

What a nobber.

OP posts:
RandomMess · 01/03/2019 08:33

Yep nobber indeed, still at DS sees him for what he is...

Original poster
TheOrigFV45 · 02/03/2019 07:57

Ah ha! Ex emailed to say he'll leave bike out for us to collect. A 40 mile round trip but no matter. DS gets his nice bike.

OP posts:
Original poster
TheOrigFV45 · 02/03/2019 07:58

And I finally got the fence replaced. Ex never would have "allowed" people in for 2 days to do that. It's been leaning badly for years. Looks lovely now.

OP posts:
RandomMess · 02/03/2019 09:21

Hurrah I hope he follows through and gives DS his bike back.

Perhaps he's finally twigged the bribes and threats won't work on DS.

Original poster
TheOrigFV45 · 02/03/2019 13:20

The bike is in my car! Only 6 months after we asked for it.

DS2 was a bit tense driving to ex's place. I was too, and it manifested itself in us niggling at each other. All OK now.

OP posts:
Dickensnovel · 02/03/2019 14:18

I have been following you from the beginning, and I just have to say "You are priceless!" You have got the measure of ex and are handling this so, so well. Flowers

TheMShip · 02/03/2019 18:37

Yay for the good bike!

RandomMess · 02/03/2019 18:40

I hope DS is thrilled!

Did you have to ex?