Dating Thread 135 - Will Harry Ever Meet Sally?

[Kinunir]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

@Margo from the end of the previous thread:

My profile is certainly self-deprecating but in a way that (hopefully) makes it obvious that my tongue is very firmly in my cheek. I would never go full-on negative because that is an extreme turn-off to me.

Like others, my opportunities for meeting people IRL are very limited and my major disadvantage on OLD is that I do not have the aesthetics to peak any interest based solely on my pics.

That's why I'm grateful to Love for her suggestion because, as someone who primarily writes for a living, I am able to use words to my advantage in terms of at least getting a conversation going. That said, I still suck at first messages - unless a woman's profile gives out some info about interests I find it hard because I will never, ever be that guy who simply types "hi".

Thanks for starting the new thread Kin. OK, the self-deprecating stuff makes sense to me.

Thanks for starting this kin, just marking my place.

Hi everyone! Nothing from Mr. Hills today

The first thing eHarmony asks you is what you are most passionate about so apart from your basic statistics that's what people see first. A lot of men say they are passionate about their kids, family, sport or their job. They don't say much that tells you anything about their personality. They all want someone to cuddle up with watching a DVD/Netflix and enjoy eating out and having a beer with their mates. The profiles are all very samey. Once blokes get to their 40s a lot of them play golf and I can't imagine anything more boring to be honest. Or they are so busy with their kids, work, family and their mates that it seems they don't have any time to give to a relationship. Maybe they don't realise they are making themselves out to be boring or busy.

Ha, "what are you passionate about?" is one of the first questions I ask a potential match on POF/Tinder. It typically takes a long time to get a reply and then it's normally something quite 'ordinary'.

I think it's an age thing rather than gender. Actually, scrub that, it's just a people thing - real passion is something most people lack.

@Kinunir that's one of the many reasons I broke up with my ex. No passion. For anything. I appreciate someone having passion for something even if it's not something I'm into myself. It shows they have depth of feeling. No passion usually means no enthusiasm for life.

Oh I absolutely agree with you Literary, passion is like a fire in someone's belly that cannot be put out and, without it, they are a mere husk of a person in my opinion. Like you, I don't mind what they have a passion for, just so long as they are alive.

Thanks Kin for the new thread. I need to get a bit better at keeping up.

Passion is definitely something I look for and ask early on. It will put me right off it they don't seem to have an passion for anything.

I have a couple of OLD related questions.

1. Currently talking to a guy who has only been single a couple of months after a 7 year relationship. He says he is ready to date again but it feels a bit too soon to me. Not sure whether to trust my gut or keep talking to him.

1. I have been talking to another guy for about a week and despite plenty of hints from me there is no mention of a date from him. After the discussions last week about waiting for a guy to make the move I'm not sure whether I should ask him or just cut my loses and move on.

Blimey, I'd struggle with the passionate about thing. The thing I feel most strongly about is people not hitting their children, but I don't think I'd put that in opening conversation on OLD.

I have lots of things I really enjoy but very few passions. What are you all passionate about?

I'm incredibly fortunate that one of my big passions is the field I work in.

The other is a fascination with ancient Egypt, including its symbolism, the mystery of how the monuments were created, the growing evidence that at least one of the famous buildings is way, way older than originally thought and also how religion began there and why (and I'm not even religious myself).

I asked one guy what his challenge for the year was. His reply was to fall on love. Scary stuff after he"d admitted after the first date that he'd cheated on his ex wife twice. There wasn't a second date.................

Can I please join? Really nervous about the whole thing. After 3 messages I got a " not feeling a connection text" .Really? Is it as brutal as that?

Yes Cave, it is and welcome! Read the rules at the top of the thread, read them again & then again! Loads of support here.

Vista Everyone is different but I would say 2 months out of a 7 year relationship would put him in a place where he may think he is ready to date again but probably isn't. They say one month for every year is typically the right amount of time to get over someone unless you take the other route and get under someone else instead.

Your second point is slightly tricky - many women say men are too slow in asking them out, an equal number say they are too quick. If you are sure your hints are obvious enough that even a man can understand them, maybe be he's a chatter instead of a dater.

Placemarking...... 🌈

Thanks Kin. That was my view about guy one. I think I need to go with my gut on this one. As for guy two I think that might be the case. He has asked me so many questions. To start with it was nice to have a guy really interested but now its starting to get annoying quite frankly.

Vista I'm with Kin on this, 2 months after 7 years is a really short gap. Just to re-evaluate things and time for personal growth. I've been single for 2 years though so
As for the what are you passionate about question. It's a good one, might steal that.

Found you all.

For thoughts asking about my ‘negative profile’, it’s more laughing about my negative points, not a negative outlook on the world (I’m not really a negative person), it’s more about not painting a wonderful picture of myself by telling people how perfect I am, because no one is really that perfect are they? I can be unreliable and pretty selfish at times, I can be grumpy if someone pisss me off. I get fed up reading profiles from men telling me how wonderful they are, trustworthy, easy to get along with etc..etc.. because let’s admit it, most of it is bull shit

I have kept my profile short and sweet, tried to be truthful and funny, mentioned a few hobbies and what I’m looking for.

Twas me asking Love. I like self-deprecating and think that is a good approach.

Isn't it putting a lot of pressure on someone to demand that they are "passionate" about something? What's wrong with having a broad array of interests? Some people may not have found the thing they are "passionate" about yet and just enjoy having new experiences. I have quite a few different interests, but I don't think any of them would get me up at 4am out of choice.

Dan I have several passions that would have me up at 4am but lots of other interests and willing to try most things (other than jumping out of a plane, that looks too scary). But your right, not every one has a passion, I find it more atractive if someone does have a passion though, went on a date with one guy who had no passion for anything, not even his job, didn’t have any real interests and no plans to do anything.

I want to know what all these passions are?! Kin's said his work and Egyptian history, culture and art. What else have we got that puts fire in the belly, as someone said? What do you say, when someone asks that question?

Hi all. Hope you don't mind me getting involved. I'm new to the whole OLD thing. It's frustrating when you talk to someone for a week or so and then it just stops.

Is it really hard for them to say I'm not interested? I'd much rather someone tell me than just ghost me. It's not like I know them enough for it to hurt.

I've literally had no luck, it's either pics i don't want to see getting sent to me. Or finding out the guy I'm talking to is my cousins ex and treated her really bad. Or I'm ghosted, and all this before I even get a chance to meet face to face. Maybe it's the guys my age (30-40) they still don't have a clue what they want? Maybe they still want to play the field?

Think it's maybe time I take a break

Dan I don't think anyone is demanding that someone has to have a passion, it's just a couple of us expressing a preference for people who do.

Welcome Phonix. The issue with OLD, from my perspective, is that there can sometimes be too much 'choice' which leads to some people always think there is a greener patch of grass somewhere. Then there are wasters who will never meet anyone, people who shouldn't be trying to meet anyone and all sorts of crazy. Sometimes a break is necessary to keep your sanity before diving back in to a place where some great people do exist.