Dating Thread 135 - Will Harry Ever Meet Sally?

[Kinunir]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

@Skyrabbit I looked for speed dating near me but there isn't many and the age ranges are not really where I'd put myself. My friend went locally and there wasn't enough men so she got her next go free but haven't heard how that went

I dislike OLD, I don’t know why I keep going back too it, it’s an addiction (or I’m sad and have nothing better to do).

Tonight I had a message from a fireman, the message read ‘hi, are you free tonight’ as if he was ordering a take away or something.

I always give some allowances for being shy or socially inept but "hi, are you free tonight?" wouldn't get given the time of day. We need this face on OLD.

I've been thinking back to all the blokes I've chatted to on sites and most of them have turned out bloody weird. Not just "not compatible" and there's no bad feelings or negativity about them but really bloody weird. I've had to block them all. Not that there's been many but still. First ever guy I got chatting to was on tinder and said he was into water sports but not THAT kind of water sports before I got the wrong idea. He kept saying it though so I figured he really was into people urinating on him or wanted to urinate on them. He used to ask loads of questions and I mean loads. Then he'd get annoyed if I took too long to answer accusing me of thinking too much. Yeah ok, bye bye. He'd got date 3 planned before we'd even had date 1. We never got to date one as I couldn't bring myself to chat on the phone with him. He sent me a couple of voice recordings and a video asking me to speak to him and it totally freaked me out. They were so creepy. He'd also send "in bed" shots of him naked from the waist up. How naive I was. I chatted to him for weeks. He wouldn't have lasted beyond a day now!

It's been a very interesting experience and I've learnt a great deal about myself over the past year and a bit. I've finally lowered my limits on crappy behaviour and established firm boundaries. I still have to reign in my generosity along with my tendency to look after and spoil men. I enjoy cooking and baking for people and have always used that to show my appreciation for what they do in the relationship. I'm conscious of not working and not driving and have previously felt I owed them something for taking me somewhere or paying for something. I like to pay my way but if I can't then I'll contribute on other ways so I feel things are equal (not sex!) and I don't feel indebted to anyone. Hope that makes sense!

Most of all I learnt that I'm happy to be on my own and don't need a man to make me feel good, good about myself, or validate myself in any way. A man will be a complementary addition to my life, not a necessary aspect that I can't live without. My life is pretty much complete and I'm very happy with it. One day I might meet someone that will fit perfectly into my life and bring great happiness to it. But I might not. And I'm ok with that.

PP I like that attitude , you sound secure in yourself and not likely to let all the odd balls drag you down. That's how I want to be.

Hi I signed up to OLD for first time this week pof and I'm already disillusioned so many messages with just hi on them, or meet me requests when I've out on my profile that I don't have meet me and from men miles away when I've put only want to date locally.

Is there a site that is better than pof?

I ike your style Literary in terms of the things you do to show appreciation. Slightly different scenario but my younger son's girlfriend made me some cupcakes the first time I met her....I told him to hold on to her tightly!

Lit this is exactly how I wish I felt, but it's so hard.

I really really suck at this OLD game I think. I find it impossible to 'read' messages and the subtext. I'm meeting up with someone next weekend (their suggestion) but feel like I'm now doing all the legwork to organise it. But this could just be my perception of it? I don't know, other than I've become far too bothered too early

love i proper laughed at his message, what the hell! as if you’d reply “yes im free should i come over and have sex with you?”

literary im the opposite, i havent had any freaks. just alot of “mehh no thanks”. so many meh men out there that just do nothing at all for me. its rather annoying that my ex set the bar so high in terms of common interests, similar life experiences, same music taste, both made each other cry laughing, etc etc. proper soulmate stuff. until he cheated a gazillion times.

now such little things put me off or annoy me. i was thinking about this the last time there was a discussion about standards. my last iron (MrForeign turned MrStalker) was so BLAH about everything.

for example, ive spent time making my house look really nice and modern, ive put my personality into it, made a nice atmosphere etc. most people who come round comment “i love this/that/thats cool/thats cute” but he never mentioned anything like that. which to me is normal when you go to someones house. its a reflection of who they are so i usually always compliment people on their house! sounds sooo pedantic but that annoyed me! other things like ..i like to be complimented if someone looks good i tell them, or if i like something they’re wearing. but he’d not once said “you look nice/i like your hair/nice outfit” whatever. such a small thing but honestly i couldnt date someone who to me is that dull and inattentive.

I had an interesting night last night - I was out at a works party and spent most of the night fending off a girl trying to set me up with a another girl we work with. The problem is I am 34 this year, she is 22 and just seems far too young for me. Everyone seems quite surprised when I tell them how old I am, and I've had a lot of comments I look ten years younger, which is nice, but could this a factor in failing to attract women in their late 20s onwards?

Having read a lot of your experiences on here with OLD, I can only think how hard it must be to be a woman looking for a partner. It seems the huge majority of men these days are creeps or weirdos!

just alot of “mehh no thanks”. so many meh men out there that just do nothing at all for me.

I’ve got a lot of that. And some weirdos.

Sadly my ex was awful, so I’m trying to see my distaste for ‘meh’ as evidence of my recovering self-esteem.

I agree on the 'meh' men, although I was going to say that I don't get any dick photos and not that many weirdos. I must have inadvertently cosmically ordered a weirdo as the attached just popped up on my phone. FML.

He clearly thinks he’s funny and endearing. Deluded fool.

I haven’t had any Dick pics so far. I am hoping this continues forever.

I haven't had any dick pics yet either. I'm doubly happy about that!

just caught up with the thread.

literary I had to click on the picture didn't I. OMG I'm suffering PTSD now from that.

My two #superhotyoungguys have had different outcomes tonight. guy #1 messaged me "Hey" tonight after saying yesteday we need more time before we meet. Then ensued an argument where i moaned at him messing me about and him saing to come over and when I said no resulting in him saying "we are done". I was gracious of course.
Guy #2 who had also bailed on me earlier begged to come back. apologised for messing me about and agreed my house rules. So we video chatted for a bit (clean). And he is so charming and cheeky and handsome I couldn't be annoyed with him. So we've agreed to go to a hotel because I can't go to his and he can't come to mine. He has a series of older women that he "visits" and couldn't understand how I wouldn't let him come to mine. Anyway Hopefully sorted now.
I'm also chatting to #hotafricanguy and #newspaperman and another guy I've forgotten about nearly. I'll update tomorrow

@vet his name isn’t Luke is it?
Had nearly the same question myself

Today I woke up to my first dick picture (this time around) from Mr Hippe. What a great start to the day

Anyway off out into the real world today and leaving POF at home.

Hi all, new and old!
To join in the dick pic theme, I'm glad I've only received them after started dating. I have been sent some videos too...lucky me why do these men think we want to see it so much?

Still seeing Mr Blue, but having reservations. I think he's trying to impress me, but really after someone that I'm not. He has mentioned an ex several times and I think may not be over her. He's away this weekend with friends then with work for over two weeks. I came off dating sites when we DTD and we said we would be exclusive, but I'm wondering if I did that too quickly. An ex Mr Cute has messaged and wants to meet, but he is only after one thing.

After around 2 years on OLD, some LTR, more first dates than I can count, I'm thinking I still want something that shouldn't be that hard to achieve. Woman meets man, they have fun and see each other regularly and fall in love. I'm bored of issues emotional unavailability and games.

Veering away from the topic of, erm, members for a while, I took Love's self-deprecating POF profile idea to an altogether new level last night.

I've always received half a dozen or so messages a week, yesterday I got 12 in one evening!

I don't know if it would work as well for a woman - I think it probably should - but for a man that's just plain crazy. Thanks again for the idea.

kinunir if it helps, those profiles really catch my attention, so I think it's definitely the way to go. It's an insight into a guy's humour and most women find that very appealing.

I have even messaged guys who are very ordinary looking/outside my usual range of fanciability when their profile is witty, humorous and clever.

To add to the dick pics discussion, I always say as soon as we move the chat off the app, that if they send me a dick pic then I will send them one back!

No pics here, but I'm not making a lot of effort to talk to lots of people. Limiting the potential pool of dicks I guess.
My date is travelling up to visit my city but now it's up to me to suggest something local to do I don't want him to come to my house yet... Also don't want to fob him off with quick coffee.

Any suggestions?

Can you give an example of the type of thing you write? Say it the way you used to say it then say it the way you do now? I'm wondering how to change mine if I ever sign up to another site. Definitely won't be doing eharmony again that's for sure.

yesyabu museum? local landmark? art gallery?
some local theatres have a nice cafe attached
depends on how much time you intend to spend with him

bendy I have no idea with regards to time, it depends on how much I decide I like him. I also find IRL I go into overkill so I'll want to do an all day thing, but he's probably quite normal and will be expecting to meet chat and leave I struggle with boundaries perhaps? That's why he is categorically not coming to my house.
There are museums, but I'm 30... Do similarly aged men do museums? Last time I was single and doing lots of dating I was 21 and it was mostly pubs and drunk fun.

Like I said, I suck at this.

Am I the only one here who is not looking for love?

honest opinions: Am I a slut for planning to have sex on the second date and to date several guys concurrently? It's been 2 years since I had any!

And how do people take safety measures when meeting new people in his house? I can't tell my family for XH reasons.