He needs space

[confusedspace]

Perspective please

Have had a bit of a rocky road with my OH

He has been under super stress recently with work stresses possible redundancys etc and hasn't been himself

He's been snappy selfish and mean at times which made me question if it was me and his efforts with me went out of the window

Things came to a head which we have spoken about and cleared but he then dropped the bomb that he needs some space to clear his head because his behaviour isn't who he is and cannot treat me the way he has been he was geniunely upset by his behaviour

I asked are we on a break he said no
Are we still together he said yes

And that he loves me and my DC very much

He has also made sure he has booked the time off work to ensure he attends a function with me in August as planned

He has been in complete contact since the talk
Texting calling as normal i just haven't seen him or made any plans to this week

I'm just a little confused as to what to do next regarding this space I don't want to push him

Help

You will feel down because it’s sad and worrying.

Either you’ve realised that he’s not the man for you. So you have to face ending it and the stress and upset this will cause you both.

Or that you are willing to give it another try, but thee are some red flags you will need to watch out for and issues that need addressed.

So food for thought.

And all the time us mums are trying to care for our kid AND ourselves. It’s never easy.

Listen to Sia's song 'chandelier'

'Here comes the fear, here comes the fear'

Alcohol is a terrible depressant and as it leaves your system it can mess with your serotonin level. Focus on yourself and DC. Do you have done thing nice and chilled you can do today?

Morning op.

Alcohol will make you feel low and anxious at the best of times let alone when you’re going through a difficult situation. Try and avoid it today.

Stay strong, confide in your friends and post on here when you need support. As a previous poster pointed out it’s down to you and only you to judge whether he’s right for you but from all you’ve said I think you deserve a hell of a lot better and this guy is giving off an awful lot of red flags.

What I keep coming back to is how much he seems to be involving your DC in his attempts to manipulate you, which I find deeply alarming. If you’ve only been together for a year, I’d have said you might be at the stage of just about introducing him to the children (obviously, I get that being a single parent can make this complicated, if your children don’t see their father), not him talking about ‘his boys’ and using them to make claims of commitment.

Well done for finding your mojo. I wish I'd got angry at this kind of behavior and not shut my eyes. Have you had your chat yet?How did it go ?

When relationships don’t work out, it is sad. But the answer to that is not to return to the relationship because it still isn’t going to work out. 5 more minutes, 5 days, 5 weeks would all be a waste of time for the inevitable (end of relationship). Worse is that more time in will delay your recovery, delay meeting someone more compatible. Grieve what might have been, resolve that within yourself (with lots of hugs from dc).

Imho, giving it another chance probably won’t work because of the established dynamic will be very hard to change. Your agreeableness has perhaps been interpreted by him as you not having boundaries (and he wants to/thinks he can treat you like a doormat). He has already shown his hand in unwillingness to allow the dynamic to change by questioning your behavior (“why are you acting this way?”) and calling it/you weird . This is him shaming you for attempting to change the dynamic.

A lot of texting, phoning, Skyping, and in person contact is attention, and probably felt good and indicated a keen interest: yea! He likes me back! But too much of a good thing crosses a line. It just becomes too much and is engulfing (even done with a smile-it is still suffocating). Engulfing is bad because he is sucking your identity into his own. This ultimately makes you invisible, and him in control of you. The one way “need space” set up was to make you invisible (but he wasn’t invisible, was he?). The ”my boys” comment was making you invisible, see what I mean?

And you did feel it and said it was messing you right up. Don’t forget that because that is what he is offering. You are either in with him, or out; but you are not going to be calling the shots. It is headfuckery mind games that will have an effect on your long term mental health. Today’s sadness is nothing compared to that potential damage which would take years to recover from.

Damn the torpedoes, stay the course away from this bloke.

Ladies

Ending it

Photos uploaded from last night he has made a point to "like" the selfie of one of my best friends

Clearly for reaction

I'm done

So sorry to see you going through this. I'd be interested to know what he replies with when you give him the news that you've made YOU'RE mind up!

Any way to make his presence felt again. This guy is an utter tool. Good luck, op.

At least now you have 'solid' evidence of his twattery!

Block him on your phone & social media. That way he should pick up the vibe you are over.

He can't
Sent message and blocked on everything so he can't call text WhatsApp and no social media access

Well done, op, you are awesome

How did you find out about him
Liking the selfie of your best friend?

He probably thinks you've blocked him in temper because you saw he 'liked' the selfie of your friend. I expect he'll call round next.

I won't be unblocking him I simply wrote

Been thinking
This is not for me
I want to end it your not what I want

Blocked calls WhatsApp every form of social media texts and facetimes
No way for him to contact me

If he came here I will be telling him to leave

If you have blocked him, you wouldn’t be able to see he has liked someones selfie. I know this from experience

Oh ok OP - I thought you'd simply blocked him with no explanation, hence my post. Good for you! keep posting if you find yourself struggling with the emotions of a break up. It's not easy, whatever the reason

I have blocked him after discovering he has liked it

She's also one of my best friends so told me he had done it and sent to me she was also out with me last night

He is I assure you blocked on everything

letsdo lunch321 I imagine the OP blocked him AFTER seeing the 'like'.

Fair enough, I know from experience how pathetic men can be regards getting a reaction and acting like the victim.

All you can do now CONFUSED is be kind to yourself and take care of yourself and your little ones.

A woman's gotta do what what s woman's gotta do

Good in you OP.

Now enjoy the lovely weather

Well done! Are you feeling the relief?

Relived yes

A bit upset that I allowed someone to treat me like this

You need to give yourself some time to adjust because you've been thru a lot this week. You ought to be extremely proud of yourself for putting your and your dc needs first and realising that you want better quality relationships from here on.