He needs space

[confusedspace]

Perspective please

Have had a bit of a rocky road with my OH

He has been under super stress recently with work stresses possible redundancys etc and hasn't been himself

He's been snappy selfish and mean at times which made me question if it was me and his efforts with me went out of the window

Things came to a head which we have spoken about and cleared but he then dropped the bomb that he needs some space to clear his head because his behaviour isn't who he is and cannot treat me the way he has been he was geniunely upset by his behaviour

I asked are we on a break he said no
Are we still together he said yes

And that he loves me and my DC very much

He has also made sure he has booked the time off work to ensure he attends a function with me in August as planned

He has been in complete contact since the talk
Texting calling as normal i just haven't seen him or made any plans to this week

I'm just a little confused as to what to do next regarding this space I don't want to push him

Help

I won't be beating to his drum at all

He has pushed my boundaries too far

And I've allowed that

He can stew on it

This isn't games or game play

I'm letting him know what I want and if he can't be that then goodbye but I've done that in a dignified way

Be warned,op, he will promise anthing to get you back in your box then it will be back to 100% him and what he wants. With an unhealthy, manipulative level of interest in your kids and you putting him first.
This is supposed to be the honeymoon period, not giving you all this headfuckery.
Save yourself a world of aggro and send one last text - I. Am. Done.

Do you really want this relationship after all most of us have said? Is your self esteem so low that your bar is so low to think this is acceptable? This is stressing me out and I'm not the one in this ridiculous situation! It IS babe playing because from what you have said here you haven't been clear at all. He'll think he can swan off for a week or whatever and you'll welcome him back with open arms as long as he promises to change. He won't change. They never do. And you'll have given him permission to treat you like this again. I was once like you and I cringe now. I wish I'd listened to the advice of others who had experience in this kind of head fuck. Your gut is telling you to end it and you are ignoring it. Possibly because you fear no one else will want a single mum? They will

If he can’t be that...
This leaves wiggle room for lip service promises and more fake facade building from him.

You have seen the real him. He has treated you (and your dc) very badly. Why give him a way back in? Even if he did act right- wouldn’t it be just that: an act- at this point?

Imho, it would be a difficult leap to ever be ‘all in’ with this bloke. No trust-no relationship.

I know you are all right
I don't even want to speak to him
My head is just so confused

I literally laughed when he said
"This is weird why are you acting like this"

He is a prize arsehole so why can't I just rip this band aid off

There is some projection on this thread so just be aware of that.

This is your life, no one else's.

Be wise, be strong and look after yourself. X

I may sound stupid but what is projection

Projection is others seeing what happened to them in what's happening to you.
You don't have to end it. Ask for peace, or space as he calls it. Nude your time, see how you feel, chose what you want.

Bide not nude

Please do not allow him to manipulate your DC. This is wrong on many levels. If you decide to stay in a relationship with him, make your boundaries clear on this.

Agree with Raid and Shik

Bide your time

Well I've definitely taken that
Not text called etc and I'm assuming he's stropping
Will leave him be tomorrow too
This isn't my mess to fix or my job to

Not allowing him to manipulate dcs they are my babies and I will protect them as I always have

In or out

How I feel right now preferably out because I'm getting bored of it if I'm honest

Good for you confused find your anger

Turn it around on him and say you have thought about it and you want space to think about what you want, he will hate it and worry he will lose you x

This is what I'm thinking

I'm not being this weak person anymore if he can't be a decent person he needs to bog off and let someone else

I feel so proud of you OP. Just take your time, take control, you are in control of your own life and you can be pragmatic and decide what you want.

You have made important discoveries about the nature of your relationship and character of your boyfriend in the space of a day. That can be a bit of a shock...and breathe.

You need a bit of time to process things, so it is you that now needs space. The fact that the way you define space is different from the way he defines space is not your problem.

There are many ways to end a relationship. Ripping the band aid off is but one way. You can take your heart out of it, and ditch your anger too: emotionally disconnect. Breaking up can be done as an administrative task like cancelling a subscription. No emotional connection.
Go to the mental channel of saying no to a telemarketer...”No, sorry, I can’t; I’ll let you get on to your next call (Tell it to the next one )”.

Have a good weekend- no need to let any concern for him or these circumstances ruin time with your friends. Shove his arse in the recycle bin. You do not owe him an explanation- he wouldn’t explain to you, remember?

Very true ladies and I appreciate you all more than you know for your inputs

I said speak tomorrow as a way of getting him to stop calling
I have a feeling he may go into his box tomorrow but I'm definitely disconnecting

He wants space
He's got it

Now I can have mine

Every time you get the urge to text him, write on here and blow off steam. Leave it a week or 2 then meet up to talk and see what 'space' has helped each of you conclude about the relationship.

I'm almost dreading his bullshit of what he needs and him turning it on me

I think I'm past carin enough to even end it
He's not that much of a dumbass to work it out surely

Im guessing tomorrow he will call/text and expect you to be back to your usual compliant self and lay on the charm offensive.
As is repeated on mumsnet, ignore what he SAYS, look at what he DOES.

At the moment he says he wants space, then bombards you with calls/texts.
You give him his space, he says you are being unreasonable/difficult.
He says he loves you (and your dc) yet chooses not to see you.

This guy is so full of shit I can smell it from here.

Agree with you there

I'm shocked how I've been sucked into it

I'm not a doormat and I hate the way I've allowed him to let me be one

Not even sure what to say to him .. he asked for space he needs to take it

I am not at his beck and call and certainly not letting him have it all his way

Have a listen to The Beautiful South’s “A Little Time” . Not saying your relationship is over but song always helped me stay strong when I was tempted to make contact with my ex

Thank you ...

I have no desire to speak or contact him

Guess i need space

Silly silly boy!!