He needs space

[confusedspace]

Perspective please

Have had a bit of a rocky road with my OH

He has been under super stress recently with work stresses possible redundancys etc and hasn't been himself

He's been snappy selfish and mean at times which made me question if it was me and his efforts with me went out of the window

Things came to a head which we have spoken about and cleared but he then dropped the bomb that he needs some space to clear his head because his behaviour isn't who he is and cannot treat me the way he has been he was geniunely upset by his behaviour

I asked are we on a break he said no
Are we still together he said yes

And that he loves me and my DC very much

He has also made sure he has booked the time off work to ensure he attends a function with me in August as planned

He has been in complete contact since the talk
Texting calling as normal i just haven't seen him or made any plans to this week

I'm just a little confused as to what to do next regarding this space I don't want to push him

Help

Good for you Oap, well done

How are you feeling op?

Well done? Honestly I think the entire sequence of events is pretty cruel.

First post: my guy is under immense stress working 80 he weeks and threatened redundency. He’s been snappy with me and said he needed space (sounds like a guy on the edge to me)

Following posts: I don’t understand it he’s still calling and sending me texts saying I’m beautiful. I think I’ll ignore him. He said he wanted space he can bloody have it.

Then: I feel like a puppet on a string. I’m ignoring his calls and ghosting him.

Ohhh he liked a selfie of my friend that’s it I’m sending him a message saying we’re done.

Sounds like a stressed guy needing a bit of head space and you decide to play games then end it to me.

Well done OP. Fwiw, I think you've done the right thing.

Sorry you're sad though. It'll get better.

Karigan, are you a man??

Nope

Is gender an issue here? I thought it was about treating people right no matter what gender.

Think about it and turn it round guys. What would you say if this was a woman saying ‘I’m having a really hard time at work recently having to work 80 hrs a week and been threatened with redundancy. I’ve been tired stressed and baggy so told my DP I needed a bit of space. Now he’s ignoring my calls. What would you say hey???

Naggy not baggy

Then I'm quite surprised you reacted in that way. He was the one that asked for space. What he's actually doing, is contacting OP occasionally, but making her feel like she can't contact him when she'd like. It's all a bit 'man cave' bollocks for my liking.

Calling her beautiful means fuck all in the grand scheme of things, don't you think? A decent relationship means you work through stuff together.

But you either want space or you don't... anything else is confusing, and that's unfair and selfish imo .

Er no. He said he one conversation he needed some space then the next day was communicating normally. I read every single OP post before commenting and it all indicates he’s trying to talk normally. Have none of you ever been under stress and snapped a bit?

Of course! I'm Snappy McStresshead.

However, I wouldn't piss around with my dp's feelings like that. It's a bit like a trial separation. You either want to split up, or you don't.

Honestly I think some of you are truly cold hearted and I would hope that if I was under that much stress the person who was supposed to be my rock and supportive would have a little more compassion.

I would totally agree if he had kept her hanging on a string for ages and nothing was changing but OP has clearly described a situation where her partner (sorry now ex) is in a position of high stress brought on recently (the stress was about a month) and this is over less than a week according to the posts.

Look back at her posts: working 80 hr weeks, change in behaviour to snappy and tired all the time. That’s a guy that is not coping not someone keeping her hanging on a string, playing games or having an affair.

And rubbish. He asked for space not saying he wanted to break up. In fact the opposite was said. According to the OP she was the only thing he was certain of and he wanted to sort his head out.

And she was just supposed to sit around waiting for his call when he felt like it, was she?

You mean his frequent calls, calls the next day, nice texts. He didn’t leave her hanging at all communication wise..... the opposite really. She left him hanging ignoring his texts and calls.

I've never known this situation not to mean there's another woman involved. It's the same old script every time - it's not me it's you, I need a break, blah blah blah. They use kind language to mask unkind behaviour such as keeping you in limbo and confusing you.

These cowardly men can't let you go entirely just in case Miss Newbie doesn't work out and anyway, he wants to appear as Mr Nice' letting you down gently - but he isn't nice, he's cheeky.

Let him have a complete break without stringing you along. You're just a year in - that's not long. If this man wanted to be with you then he would be. It's as simple as that

There are other men out there, don't let him cloud your brain . As hurtful as it may be, you need to move on. Even if he comes back, he'd do it again anyway.

Oh no sorry she ‘mirrored’ his texts at first until she got angry and ghosted him. Then she got more angry after seeing the selfie like and sent a three line break up text.

But HE SAID HE WANTED SPACE. I'm not shouting, just emphasising!

Surely that's the opposite of what he did? It's all about his feelings, and nothing to do with hers.

Just to add

This was a 6 week period

I was patient he called the shots
Made no effort turned up when he liked callers when he liked and treated me like crap

When he did snap he told me to piss off (for no reason) and left me i distress as he slept

I forgave him
He asked for space

I gave him It

He continued to pick me up when he wanted and had time to gym see friends everything but see me

For someone who did nothing to warrant this behaviour and someone who was as he worded it "perfect" I don't believe I am in the wrong by ending it

I took him on a mini break and Infact booked another to try and cheer him up he threw them in my face and called me inconsiderate

OW or not he is not an example of a man I wish to be with or one I want around my DCS

He asked for space .... on his terms with no time scale

I am NOT a puppet nor someone who deserves to be treated as a part time MUG

So your opinion on thinking in this unsupportive person is invalid

You are never wrong to end it as ending it is your personal choice.

I do however find it a little odd that only now do you mention that he told you to piss off. That would be enough for me to end it there and then. But I went all the way through your posts before commenting and nowhere did I see you say anything like that until just now. In fact what you did talk about was how he was trying to call you and texted saying you were beautiful and that he didn’t want to lose you. It’s almost like you’re making it up at the 11th hour because I pointed out your behaviour wasn’t perfect either.

I said we had a row and how vile he was and that I went on holiday NC but because I didn't disclose that he told me to "piss off" that has given you the judgement that I was in the wrong and playing "games" ... incorrect

Regardless it is done ....

I won't be going back and have made it impossible for him to contact me and I have NO desire to contact him either

Thank you for your condescending input

No. Your posts about ‘mirroring’ his texts, ignoring him and blocking him without explanation is the game playing. Which you can’t deny you did.

If you wanted to end it you should have just ended it without all the stupid little games.

No it's called giving him the space he asked for without being at his beck and call and not sitting on a knifes edge whilst he put in minimal effort towards me and my DC whilst he "figured his head out"