He needs space

[confusedspace]

Perspective please

Have had a bit of a rocky road with my OH

He has been under super stress recently with work stresses possible redundancys etc and hasn't been himself

He's been snappy selfish and mean at times which made me question if it was me and his efforts with me went out of the window

Things came to a head which we have spoken about and cleared but he then dropped the bomb that he needs some space to clear his head because his behaviour isn't who he is and cannot treat me the way he has been he was geniunely upset by his behaviour

I asked are we on a break he said no
Are we still together he said yes

And that he loves me and my DC very much

He has also made sure he has booked the time off work to ensure he attends a function with me in August as planned

He has been in complete contact since the talk
Texting calling as normal i just haven't seen him or made any plans to this week

I'm just a little confused as to what to do next regarding this space I don't want to push him

Help

OP you’ve been dealing with a lot over the last few weeks and have made the best decision for you. You owe no one on MN an explaination, and you should not feel any need to defend yourself.

It’s a very strange thing on this site, where people asking for support get attacked for putting boundaries in place, I have no idea why.

Take care of yourself

Karigan198 - the OP dealt with this situation in a way she has seen fit.

It is for no one to question what she has done/said/acted on.

Rather than picking bones out of OP post and her actions you could get a life and do something constructive.

Act as if it's over and give age-appropriate explanations to the children.

If his head clears and you both choose to move on together then that can be managed. But, you and your DC don't need this uncertainty nor the suspicion that you're engaged in a "pick me dance" that you don't know about.

However, it's always your choice whether or not to live with the choices that this man has made for you. Or, to observe his choices, continue to make your own, and set yourself a time limit as to when you will officially move on in your own mind.

Ignore Karigan, it's your life and you don't have to explain anything to a stranger.
Hope you're feeling better today

I hope you're ok abs mn has helped you
Take care x

Thanks ladies aside from Karigan and her warped views of what I've apparently done wrong you have all been amazing

Xx

I love that you've been so strong over this. You should be proud

You have not done anything wrong.
Things can proceed in a less than graceful manner, but that’s life. What is important is that you got to the correct outcome for you. That deserves another “Well done” from me.

Thank you ... the more I think of things there were so many red flags it's insane it's a NO from me

He's even tried to add my friends on social media have told them to block him I want no avenues that he can get to me

Well done OP. This is not about whether anyone thinks you or he were being reasonable/unreasonable. It's about taking back some control for yourself. Relationships are meant to be partnerships, not one person dictating to the other how things are going to be and expecting silent compliance.

FWIW, all this stuff about stress. I don't know about you but when I'm stressed I need and want the person I love closer to me, not put into cold storage. I think you've dodged a bullet.

Yes he did want everything on his terms it seems. I think you’ve read him expertly and are a strong role model for your DC with your boundaries firmly in place. Well done you

I think you did the right thing , what would happen otherwise ? Every time he felt stressed or felt annoyed he would take it out on you and make you suffer , I need my partner when I’m stressed out I don’t play games with them and treat them like they are the problem whilst maintaining other friendships and social engagements , I think you followed your instincts .

I have definitely done the right thing

Feeling a little strange this evening
Can't even say it's because I miss his presence as let's be honest he was mainly absent and I would be waiting for him to bother to contact me etc

Just feels odd to be "single" again

Hi OP! please don't define yourself by your "single" status. You don't need a low quality relationship, and you haven't settled for one. You are a strong independent woman, with good friends who alert you to your ex's shenanigans. They have your back - your ex didn't.

Ladies have been so strong have not contacted or given it a second thought

Today however I feel terrible ... lonely and sad

I don't know how because he never prioritised me and I felt on my own when I was with him at times even with his daily calls and texts to fill the void of his absence

Please tell me this gets easier

How can I miss something that made me feel so shit!!!!

It's natural and normal to feel like this after a break up, even though it was DEFINITELY for the best. It will get better. "Time is a great healer"

"yeah yeah " I thought when I was younger - but now I KNOW its true.

he never prioritised me and I felt on my own when I was with him at times even with his daily calls and texts to fill the void of his absence*

Now you are free to find someone (when you feel ready) who WILL prioritise you. You have learned more about what you won't tolerate in a relationship, too.

Thank you !

Definitely learnt my boundaries and what I will an won't tolerate
Almost girly I lost my voice with him and that isn't me I'm the first to call someone out on their BS normally

I almost feel I've lost myself
Self confidence is down the shitter not feeling too fab

It is a natural order of the universe
(Not to be too woo)
There is now a void....chaos (negativity, wanting to back up to the way it was) will flow in if you are not proactive in putting positive things there.

New hobby? New book? New recipe? New furniture rearrangement? An aquarium? Terrarium herb garden?

The crap feeling may also be a recovery process -a physical side to the emotional bs you’ve been through. You are away from being immersed in the insults so you are no longer merely surviving...you can heal and thrive again. Pamper yourself. Healthy food, quality sleep, vigorous exercise.

Update ladies

I have been good!
It's been almost a month
Haven't unblocked him or contacted him in anyway and he's left me alone
He has tried to follow and add a couple of my friends on social media

I have been away on a girly trip and randomly out of the blue he's added me on snapchat 😳

Didn't respond retaliate nothing

Why are men so odd

The last month has been good for me I've learnt my own boundaries and how much I allowed him to push on those
And what I want and don't want
Also after thinking of things realised truly how narcissistic he was and controlling but in the most subtle of ways

Scary how time and reflecting can make you realise things

Thanks for the update, I'm glad you've had a good month.

It's often difficult to see a situation clearly when you're in the middle of it. Now you've been able to reflect, you can make sure you don't make the same mistakes in your next relationship.

Onwards and upwards!