He needs space

[confusedspace]

Perspective please

Have had a bit of a rocky road with my OH

He has been under super stress recently with work stresses possible redundancys etc and hasn't been himself

He's been snappy selfish and mean at times which made me question if it was me and his efforts with me went out of the window

Things came to a head which we have spoken about and cleared but he then dropped the bomb that he needs some space to clear his head because his behaviour isn't who he is and cannot treat me the way he has been he was geniunely upset by his behaviour

I asked are we on a break he said no
Are we still together he said yes

And that he loves me and my DC very much

He has also made sure he has booked the time off work to ensure he attends a function with me in August as planned

He has been in complete contact since the talk
Texting calling as normal i just haven't seen him or made any plans to this week

I'm just a little confused as to what to do next regarding this space I don't want to push him

Help

No. Tell him now. He's messing with your head and you have dc to think of. He's being an immature twat.

Agree with other posters OP, if you wait and hang on you’re effectively proving that you are in fact his puppet and he can do with you what he likes. Take control of the situation and make it clear to him that shutting you out is unacceptable, particularly when he still has time to socialise with his pals - surely is space from the world not just you? And in any event shouldn’t his love be the one he gravitates to?

You need to hold your ground OP or this could develop into a pattern when the tough gets going he flees. Space isn’t him being in contact with you but not seeing you, if he can control his outbursts over text message and FaceTime then what’s the problem with seeing you?

I have bitter experience of an ex who would leave me at the drop of a hat when he was stressed, his job was on the rocks or he was suffering from financial instability. He would leave me for another woman who would welcome him with open arms (irrespective of everything he had done to her and her kids). It destroyed me as a person for a long time.

He has pre plans for two concerts this weekend and I had plans with my friends so I guess I can't hold that against him

I'm wondering do I leave it until a week has passed as then I've respected in some way what he has asked for?

No! Take control. You are dancing to his tune. Don't.

He has just tried to call I am so confused
I ignored it

Is this the first call today?

When he rings again tell him how you feel

Nope text this morning

"Morning beautiful how are you and my boys did you sleep ok"

And after I replied
FaceTime before he went to work

Why does he contact you so much?!

I like a good deal of contact but that feels suffocating to me especially when he's said he wants space. He's messing with your head and heart and you don't deserve that.

That's how he's always contacted since the beginning even with this "space" that part hasn't changed except last week after the row I went NC for 5 days

He is stringing you along. Space means you don't contact him - he contacts you when convenient. He socialises with everyone but you.
His behaviour is meant to keep you dangling and begging for crumbs. Tell him you need a complete break - or real space - and figure things out. Trust your gut.

They aren’t his boys...
I don’t like the sound of him at all.

Is not seeing you some kind of punishment for the row and you going NC last week? Sounds possible.

You need to tell him today how the situation is making you anxious. It will be your weekend that will be fecked due to you over thinking the situation.

For heaven's sake OP, stand up for yourself.

I just wanted to Ecco what others have said. He’s hardly getting any space if he’s contacting you as per normal.

Tell him it’s confusing and making you angry and anxious. Tell him it’s nc until a given date and time to meet. This way he gets the space and so do you. And more importantly, there’s an end date to all this.

This has happened to me 3 times (in over 30 years)
And each time I applied the :
'You want space - you're got it ' advise given here.
Complete No Contact.
I wouldn't even tell him - just ignore his calls / text / face time.

As you know you've already done it.
Time scale wise in my 3 experiences , one was back within the month asking me to marry him.
The other time 1 week.
And finally last time it was 1 Day.
I don't know why this makes men behave.
Maybe they do like strong women or just feel safe with solid boundaries like children.
But while he's being my 'wishy washy ' with you , you're going feel out of control.
Can't happen- you've got kids.
Just be nice but firm.
And when my husband gets stressed it's get a coffee / watch tv and have me tickle his tummy - No conversation though lol. He is in his own little world - but with me.
Good luck x

He hasn't given a moment's thought to how this might be affecting you or your children, has he?

He's effectively putting you 'on hold' while he goes off and does as he pleases but gets to check up on you when he feels like it. Incredibly selfish.

He's put you in the background but expects you to keep him centre-stage.

Op are you ‘allowed’ to call him? Or is it just him to call you?

Motoko has already made the point I was about to - he is only taking a break from YOU, OP. Nothing else. Fair enough if you and he were having troubles and a break between you might be a good thing but no, it's 'work' stress. He's still going to work. He's still seeing his mates. Why isn't he taking a break from either of that? Surely if he was really into you, he would take solace by spending time with you?

I really don't want to upset you but I really struggle to imagine that he's not spending this time with someone else and working out who he'd rather be with. You or her.

BUT - even if I'm wrong about that, this isn't what anyone needs from a relationship. He shouldn't be just putting you on hold like this. He either wants to be with you or not. If he comes back, when will he bugger off again? What if you have children with him in the future?

If he wants space, he doesn't get to speak to you all the time as if everything's fine. How is that space? All it is is freeing up his time to be with other people. Let him have his bloody space. How about you give him your own ultimatum? Unless he's back to being normal by x date, this relationship's over.

Take care. X

I have kind of mirrored him and his calls texts not initiated

I don't believe there is someone else

People have mentioned control and narcissist behaviour

He tried to call earlier I ignored it

Text and said I've been busy

He's asked after me and DC

Sorry i call bullshit on him , he’s tired and worn out so can’t see you but is going to two gigs this weekend ?
He phones you every day to check you are still towing the line with him but won’t actually see you ?
He calls your kids his boys ? He’s a commitmentphobe of the highest order by the sound of things . He’s keeping you dangling while he clears his head which is fair enough but I’d take the power away , I’d tell him you need a break to be just that and speaking on the phone doesnt allow that .

OP why are you scared to take the control away from him and tell him straight? Are you worried he's going to dump you? You seem dependant on him emotionally which is t good. I was like you for so long, relationship after relationship, dangling, waiting for their breadcrumbs to validate my self worth. Now I don't tolerate any shit. Yes, I'm single. But I'm happy to be so.

I know you are all right

These gigs were pre planned and I had plans also but I am feeling super low and stupid right now