Should I call the police?

[slinkymolinki]

Or is this over the top?

Am really worrying about DH's state of mind.

DH is really suffering with emotional issues at the moment - stemming from childhood abandonment and trauma but which manifests itself in him feeling very insecure and emotionally threatened (by other men) and craving sexual intimacy (with me) to ease the pain/feelings of inadequacy.

He's having counselling which is working but over the last couple of days he's has a relapse. We had a big row on Monday and he disappeared for over 24 hours but then turned up.

We talked about it yesterday and today and started to work our way through it but this afternoon he suddenly fell into this very low mood and thought I'd rejected him sexually and we talked it through but then I could see in his eyes that he'd 'gone' and he'd lost himself and had gone down an irrational road.

The kids then called for me to settle them and whilst I was upstairs he left the house again.

That was 3 hours ago.

I've texted lots of him supportive and loving messages. No response.

I've called his mobile 25 times. Twice he answered (could hear him breathing) and I talked to him but he didn't reply and then hung up. He won't answer.

I've texted him to say I'm worried and calling the police ? But I don't know what to do. We live near water and he did say that on Monday he stood by it and thought for a moment what it would be like to throw himself in.

I don't know what to do - phoning the police seems really dramatic and I don't want to make a fool of myself if he's perfectly fine and just trying to make me sweat.

I'm now sat at home going out of my mind.

YY to the Freedom Programme.

OP, living without him will be the BEST therapy! You will be free of his demands to make him the centre of everything, free of the tension of trying to protect your children, free of having to tiptoe around him, free to be happy, to be yourself.

Book a session with a solicitor, and find out how to practically and financially get out of this abusive relationship. Be honest and truthful with the solicitor - you have been pressurised into having sex and have been emotionally abused. You MUST state this because it may well make a difference to the future outcome for your children. Never mind feeling disloyal to that dementor.

Incidentally, do you have any actual proof that he is seeking help for his supposed mental problems?

Thank you all so much. This is really good advice. Have just googled the freedom programme.

It's good he's out now as there's no way I could be on my phone getting all of this great advice and info. That's another thing - he gets so upset and cross if he thinks I'm on my phone too much to the point I try not to look at it too much when he's around!!

Make sure you log out of MN so that he can't spot your thread slinky.

Aw thank you. I'm using the app on my phone not laptop as I don't have one at the moment. Do you think that's ok or should I log off?!

If you can log off I would, otherwise he would know your user name I think? Take care.

Please leave this man. He is wearing you down so you lose all confidence and self esteem all while he goes to the pub to feed his ego! He knows exactly what he's doing!

Thanks ;)

Logging off now. Going to try and get some sleep.

Night all x

Just be careful to log out when you leave your phone.

I don't think the app saves history like the web version, does it? Does anyone know?

Sleep well :)

All of us MN vipers are here, wishing you well xx

Bloody hell

I have read this thread with my mouth hanging open.

I feel desperately sorry for you. You sound so lovely, but by god have you been conditioned...
It must be terribly sad to just be realising that. But I have a feeling it will turn from sadness to anger, hopefully. Enough to make you do the right thing.

He sounds absolutely fucking awful.
He has twisted everything to be your fault.
You are trying to fix what you think is a damaged soul but all you are doing, is damaging yourself.

Get rid of him and fast. He is abusing you in so many ways. When you do get rid, expect him to threaten suicide over and over and blame you for everything.
Do NOT fall for his crap.

NONE of this is your fault.

Break free and live the life you deserve, where someone will genuinely appreciate your kind and trusting nature. And watch your kids pick up on your personality, rather than his, before it’s too late.

I'm also staggered. This man is laying the foundations for an affair if he isn't already having one. This behaviour is outrageous and the op is very conditioned to think it's normal and not abusive.
Hope you are ok op

This is possibly the worst case of mental abuse I’ve ever read about on mumsnet

I disagree. Remove the word "possibly" :(

He’s gaslighting you. A lot of what you’ve said happened in my relationship too. I ended things in January and he’s made my life as difficult as possible but I have no doubt I did the right thing. You cannot fix this relationship and he’s never going to change how he behaves because it gets him what he wants. You do not want your children to grow up thinking his behaviour is normal because if you stay with him it will be their normal. Please, please, leave him. If not for you, be strong and do it for your children. He’s only now saying he won’t have sex with you because he’s manipulating you to beg him for sex. You’ll realise just how bad it was once you’ve gotten some distance. This article rang alarm bells for me. X www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/here-there-and-everywhere/201701/11-warning-signs-gaslighting?amp

Oh, OP. I just read this open-mouthed. I cannot believe what this man has put you through, and what he has been able to get away with.

A PP said above you need to find your anger. If you ever feel swayed by him, or confused by him, read your own posts back to yourself.

You, and your children, are worth FAR more than this. You do not have to live this life.

He's not too ill to go to the pub then.

Yeah phone them.

I work for the ambulance service and I would call 999

sorry, posted before reading the whole thread I am sorry op

Find your anger!
Get yourself and your children out of this toxic relationship
Please don’t try to talk with him about it, just make an exit plan

Please step away from this thread and get professional advice .Some of the twatish shit replies on here will just confuses you. By the content of some replies they have zero insite in to mental health and have just said he's a twat beyond unhelpful. You need to know the triggers and get some coping methods to help you manage the situation. When will people realise that mental health can be as real as a physical health problem

Aw slinky, get out of there! Put yourself and your kids first and go.

MH issues are not an excuse to coerce your partner into sex, demand they don't talk to half the population, blame them for your issues, leave them at home worried and lying to DC because they didn't 'fix' your insecurities with sex on demand. Any more than a broken leg is.
MH doesn't make someone incapable of being a twat. They are not mutually exclusive.

OP's partner has realised he can use his MH to control her and coerce her into sex. Now he is insisting that his MH is a reason to go get pissed and flirt with other women. That his MH is solely and completely caused by her refusing to have sex on demand and treat him like a god.

You think SHE needs to learn coping strategies to manage HIS MH? While he uses it to abuse her?

No one here is denying the validity of MH, but you see to have a fundamental lack of understanding of abusive relationships!

As bpd and regular depressive, I don't see a MH issue here to be triggered and managed, I see a man deliberately abusing his partner to get what he wants. And that makes him a TWAT regardless of his MH!

Wow he's really abusive and then blamed you, that's really not good. Time to find your anger and love for yourself, don't let this happen anymore. Best wishes