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Original poster

I am aged 34. She is aged 21.

350 replies

Biweeklyshave · 18/06/2018 17:39

As the title suggests..... is this too big a gap. We clicked, I didn't realise she was so young until it came up in conversation. My male friends have been calling me a creep and although done in jest I feel there is a slight undertone with them.

Back ground I am separated with 2 young boys (7 & 9). Relationship with them and their mum is positive. Obviously at this stage I wouldn't think of introducing her to my boys or their mum but I'm thinking of my friends have an issue with gap then it's likely others will too.

OP posts:
Etino · 18/06/2018 20:39

I have DDs your girlfriends age, and I’d be very upset. Not because of your age, but because you’ve already got children.

Original poster
Biweeklyshave · 18/06/2018 20:48

Indeed I will heed the cautionary posts..... like many have pointed out a lot comes down to maturity. Both on her part. And also on mine..... so like with any relationship I will go into it without any expectations. See what happens and enjoy the moment. And just for the record I think she is great...... positive, ambitious, intelligent and yes gorgeous. The normal things you look for in a relationship.

OP posts:
MrsGrindah · 18/06/2018 20:49

So a 21 year old woman can’t ..one day..be the step mother of children?
God this thread is depressing how quickly women have judged another woman purely y on her age. However I am getting suspicious that the OP hasn’t come back

MrsGrindah · 18/06/2018 20:49

Oops! Cross post!

Onecutefox · 18/06/2018 20:58

If she was my daughter I would have liked her to see the world first and then settle down; and would be very cross if a much older man was trying to groom her into a serious relationship. Go back to when you were a 21-year-old and see if you wanted a serious relationship with a much older woman at the time. I am sure you wanted a bit of fun. Now when you are free from your marriage you want the fun again. See Grin

SheGotBetteDavisEyes · 18/06/2018 20:59

God this thread is depressing how quickly women have judged another woman purely y on her age

Where's the judgement? Most posters have simply pointed out the OP and the woman are at very different life stages. That's not judging her. It's just pointing out a fact.

Etino · 18/06/2018 21:00

Sheesh it’s all about you isn’t it?
What about her right to have an unfettered fun time aged 21, to have dcs with someone who hasn’t been there, done that.

SheGotBetteDavisEyes · 18/06/2018 21:01

so like with any relationship I will go into it without any expectations. See what happens and enjoy the moment

Why the post then? Confused

Belindabauer · 18/06/2018 21:06

The sticking point for me is that you already have two children. At 21 she is t old enough to be a mother figure to them.

Allegorical · 18/06/2018 21:16

Would you want it for your own child ? I certainly wouldn’t want my 21 year old daughter or son dating a divorced more than ten years older with two kids.
Let’s be honest it’s a bit creepy. What is wrong with women your own age. Are they not pretty enough for you anymore?

SchnitzelVonKrumm · 18/06/2018 21:17

So you've weighed the balance of opinion and decided to fuck the 21 year old anyway. What a surprise.

Branleuse · 18/06/2018 21:18

it is creepy and a bit sleazy.

Just as it would be if a 21 year old lad was going into a relationship with a mid 30s mother

ForalltheSaints · 18/06/2018 21:19

I'm a believer in the half plus seven rule as some others have mentioned. There is also a generational gap I feel between those whose whole adult life was largely internet based (as most 21 year olds have), and someone over 30 where such things as most communication being face to face were formative experiences.

TheMagnoliaTree · 18/06/2018 21:24

The age gap isn't an issue but her age is. If she was my daughter or my friend's daughter, at 21 I wouldn't want her to be in a relationship with a man with 2 children.

She is 21, there are 100 men out there who may even be 34 but who do not have children.

It is very hard to come second to children, especially as a step parent. My best friend is a step parent and eventually her DSD moved in with them aged 7.

At 21 I had just finished university, met Dh when I was 22 and he was 21. Married at 25 and had our first child when I was 29. We had a lot of carefree time before the responsibility of children.

PoodlesOfFund · 18/06/2018 21:26

I was in a similar age gap relationship. I realise now that it was unfair and the gap was wrong. Didn't then. Your situation is worse because of your children's ages though. Not fair on anyone. 21 should be fun and for finding yourself. Not nights in watching Mary Poppins and trying to learn how to be a step parent.

HollowTalk · 18/06/2018 21:27

Would you be interested in a 47 year old woman, OP? Not offering Grin but that's the same difference in age.

I think that age gap is massive in the circumstances. You're at completely different life stages. Let her experience her life with someone her own age.

PoodlesOfFund · 18/06/2018 21:29

God this thread is depressing how quickly women have judged another woman purely y on her age

Who is judging her? Why is it a judgement to be concerned about a young woman?

I don't think men go after young women just because of their looks, I think they go after them because they see them as easier to control than women their own age.

SheGotBetteDavisEyes · 18/06/2018 21:31

My male friends have been calling me a creep and although done in jest I feel there is a slight undertone with them.

And that's your friends, eh?

Pompom42 · 18/06/2018 21:31

My ex was 39 when he started dating a 23 year old. I thought it was creepy to be honest. He's 40 now and she isn't 24 yet. In my eyes it's like dating his daughter.

Layla8 · 18/06/2018 21:37

It’s not the age gap as such, but she’s so young, she’s bound to want you to herself, she may find it hard to come to terms with the fact that your children are, and always will be, number one . She should be out enjoying herself, without thinking of all the responsibilities of being a stepmum.

SantaClauseMightWork · 18/06/2018 21:38

Yes it's creepy because you just don't care that not only be she is not at the same stage of life as you, she is also someone to "live in the moment" with. Translate: I would definitely hang around if she will have me.
I wonder why it's nearly always women who are far younger than men in these situations? Have you thought about this OP? would you consider dating a woman who is 47 this year? I think not.

Justwanttoweeinpeace · 18/06/2018 21:38

I met DH when I was 23 and he was 37. At first everyone was a bit Hmm

Now (fifteen years later) no one gives a shit. The people saying it's creepy can stick their noses elsewhere.

You've as much of a chance as the next couple, good luck with it.

SheGotBetteDavisEyes · 18/06/2018 21:42

Yes it's creepy because you just don't care that not only be she is not at the same stage of life as you, she is also someone to "live in the moment" with

Quite. Which indicates that the OP is possibly the completely wrong sort of person to date someone much younger in these circumstances.

I honestly think the OP just wants to tell complete strangers people that he's having a go at dating a 21 year old.

What a catch.

MyKingdomForBrie · 18/06/2018 21:44

I was with a guy for six years with this age gap. No issues except when I got to the stage of being ready for marriage and kids and he’d already done that and didn’t want to do it again! No regrets though.

SoapOnARoap · 18/06/2018 21:44

I don’t see a problem, if you're both happy, that’s all that matters