I am aged 34. She is aged 21.

[Biweeklyshave]

As the title suggests..... is this too big a gap. We clicked, I didn't realise she was so young until it came up in conversation. My male friends have been calling me a creep and although done in jest I feel there is a slight undertone with them.

Back ground I am separated with 2 young boys (7 & 9). Relationship with them and their mum is positive. Obviously at this stage I wouldn't think of introducing her to my boys or their mum but I'm thinking of my friends have an issue with gap then it's likely others will too.

@Justwanttoweeinpeace did he have children at primary school that you were closer in age to than him?

Why would the fuck a 21 year old?

Also why is it the case of him letting her have a chance at X. Unless he's holding her at gun point, she can say no thank you!

Wouldn't he I meant.

There is an age difference between my DM and her partner of 19 years. He was 21 when he met my Mum. He took on two teenagers (my sister and I) and they have been happily married for yonks.

No one was judgemental of them and he went into the relationship with eyes wide open. He is a fantastic step parent and also a wonderful grandfather. Sometimes it does work.

So many posters talking about this woman as though she hasn't a brain.

I'm sure if she doesn't want to be tied down to an older man with kids she'll leave. Why are we telling him to stop seeing her? Christ almighty.

So many posters talking about this woman as though she hasn't a brain

Which 'many' posters? What comments allude to anything like this?

Sheesh it’s all about you isn’t it?
What about her right to have an unfettered fun time aged 21, to have dcs with someone who hasn’t been there, done that

And several more

God this thread is depressing how quickly women have judged another woman purely on her age

Totally missing the point. There isn't judgment against her ...if anything it a against the OP... and it's more expressing opinions...which was the purpose of the thread.

21 is indeed legally an adult...yet parental contributions are still required in relation to their Uni fees.

this was us a while back, i was 21 and my now husband 34 - met in 2004. No kids though. Dated till 2010, married and now have 2 children and 2 dogs. Very happy together.

What about her right to have an unfettered fun time aged 21, to have dcs with someone who hasn’t been there, done that

And what about her right to decide what she wants. Maybe she's just as keen as OP? Or are we all to decide what's best for her given her young age

My DP has children and we are TTC I don't think it's any less special because he's 'been there and done that' - thank you.

21 is indeed legally an adult...yet parental contributions are still required in relation to their Uni fees

unless they don't go to uni, or you know, get a job?

I owned a house by 19. not everyone relies on mummy and daddy into their 20's.

Me and ex dp there was 10 years between us. We recently parted after 18? Years. Age was never an issue. Infect many of our friends have similiar age gaps.

My DD is 20 and I would find it a bit creepy.
I thinks it's the baggage rather than anything else.
But I'd still support her no matter what.

Shrugs. My husband is 14 yrs younger than me. We've been together nearly 10 years now since he was 22. We have 2 lovely children together and we're a very strong family unit.

If I'm honest, people have only stopped saying nasty things like it's 'creepy' in the last few years as they've slowly realised what a great unit we make. Used to get lots of nasty comments along the lines of, when he was 8 you were blah blah.

I didn't know him as a child. I met him as an adult. 21 is an adult. Only you two know yourself whether this can work. I know some very immature 40 year old women. Your mates are probably just jealous.

Why do you call yourself separated when you weren't married to their mum? Seems like an odd thing to say.

Are you really still married?

You posted on here about 6 months ago mentioning just getting out of the LTR and hooking up with women in their 20s.

I guess the bottom line is who cares. It's just a date/hookup, not marriage.

These threads are always full of defensive posters saying that they or their parents have a similar age gap, 'age is just a number', she could be 'very mature' (isn't it funny how younger partners are always so 'mature' and the older bloke - it's usually a bloke is 'young at heart'?)

But a 13 year age gap at this stage in life is massive however you cut it. Add in the different life experiences - he has two kids - and you're talking two people with very very different perspectives on life. Age isn't just a number. As someone else asked earlier on, would the OP date a 47 year old woman? Probably not, I'm guessing.

So.... before anyone tells me about how their hubbie is 15 years older than them and they're still together after 40 years, I know it can work. All kinds of relationships can work. But to pretend that this age gap is nothing and won't cause any problems at all is being silly. I would be very surprised if the girl hasn't moved on to a man closer to her own age within a few years.

My husband is 14 yrs younger than me. We've been together nearly 10 years now since he was 22. We have 2 lovely children together and we're a very strong family unit

Did you already have kids?

For every age gap relationship that has worked there is at least one that hasn't.

You've as much of a chance as the next couple,

Actually they don't.

Relationships involving a large age gap have a high failure rate. As do relationships involving step-children. So statistically it's unlikely this relationship will succeed long-term, despite all the success stories we see here.

Which is fine if it's just a short-term thing - as frankly it should be at her age - and if he realises she'll likely soon get tired of playing step-mum when she should be in her prime years.

21 - 9 = 12

34 - 21 = 13

...

Creepy.

Only time will tell if this works out OP.

So long as you make each other happy and respect each other, then there’s nothing wrong. If she’s using you as an “older man” with more money, a home etc, then it won’t work. If you’re using her as a “trophy young girlfriend” then it won’t work either. If she doesn’t want to be bothered with your DCs long term, then it won’t work. If you want her to act middle aged, it won’t work.

You have to still be true to who you are as individuals, just like any relationship.

I think that the age gap and the fact that you have two children means that you are at completely different places in your lives.

In a relationship where there is a large age gap one partner usually has to compromise more than the other and it is usually the younger person who loses out. Yes there are examples of age gap relationships here but you will always have anecdotal stories of successful relationships. At 21 has she even finished education? She will definitely have her life hugely impacted being in a relationship with someone with children.

I personally cannot see what a 34 year old man with 2 children could possibly have in common with a 21 year old. If you were someone I knew I would think it quite strange.

It's not creepy but I'd expect that at 34 you want different things than 21 year olds. Also, the kids are going to be another factor that will affect everything.

It’s what you and she think that matters not your judgmental friends and the MN guardians of public morality.

If you go out with a woman your own age, she’s likely to have children and as you have kids, it could get very messy.

hen I was about 22 I had a relationship with a mid 30's guy. I look back now and it strikes me that it was pretty predatory on his part.

22. You were 22. Nothing predatory in the slightest.

NotTakenUsername

And your point is?