How do you feel about lap dance club/pole dancing stuff.........?

[niceglasses]

My dh works in a bit of a boyish industry - mobile phones - tends to be bit 'scummy'.

I'd say ohhhh 5 or 6 times now on a night out they have ended up at these lap dance/topless places. At least he doens't lie about it! He says they just want the extra drink. He doesn't get home till about 4/5 in the morning.

I have gently let it be known I don't like it - he says its harmless.

What do you wise lot think? I don't feel like I can 'ban' him but I do feel a bit put out.

I'd feel uncomfortable, but that's prob. just me and my insecurities!

I would worry, tbh, that the dancers aren't just dancers, iykwim, I saw something on tv a few months ago which showed (with hidden cameras) one of them going round giving clients bjs for £20!

I'm positive my dh wouldn't doanything like that, but I just think the whole thing's a bit sleazy....

It is quite sleazy, isn't it?

I don't know how I'd be about this - DH has always avoided this portion of any night out. I've said I'd be fine with it, as long as he didn't lie to me, but as he's never gone, that decision hasn't really been tested.

It's been 5 or 6 times in how long? Are there blokes he works with who don't go to these things? Does he work with women? What do they do?

5 or 6 in I'd say 18 months. No women I don't think.

It tends to be at times of stress or the very good times. I've noticed when things are going very well or very very badly (like now) they tend to go as some sort of release (pardon the pun).

I would feel uncomfortable about this. I would say something and hope that he takes your feelings into consideration, like husbands should!

It does sound very sleazy. But some places are just dancers, but then some arnt.

Sorry, no help really but I think you have every right to feel the way you feel!

he says it's harmless but you obviously don't think it is so tell him so!

i'd be very annoyed if my dp went to one and i'd kick up such a fuss that he'd never want to go again.

they're sleazy places and i'm quite peed off that they're seen as the norm now rather than tucked away in some soho back alley.

also the men are being taken for a ride re prices etc. it's a big con.

It's another example of how this sleaziness is creeping into the mainstream and if you object you are seen as 'humourless' or 'strait-laced'. I'd be really annoyed.

yes I'd be pissed off as well. I don't think it's either here nor there if they are just strippers or strippers and prostitutes but the whole idea of women parading themselves solely for the pleasure of men makes me feel quite queasy and if dp were there, very queasy.

I think it is really important that he is honest with you about it though - if dp went and didn't tell me I would be furious. So given that you seem to have an honest and open relationship i would try to explain to him in a very calm and nonaccusatory way why you (completely legitimately) feel uncomfortable with it. Good luck

I don't really have a problem with lap dancing clubs, dh has only been twice in the 11 years we have been together, I would not be happy if he was lying about it.

I went to a leaving do at work where there was a male stripper and dh didn't mind.

This might sound a bit daring but:
why don't you go with him one night?
See for yourself what the fuss is about,
chat to a couple of the 'performers'
and if you want to really get under the bonnet
go for a joint dance (yes, couples/females can get a dance as well).

I could tell you what I think about these places but there is nothing like finding out for yourself.

And I would be curious what dh would make of this suggestion..

Ladies, it is not a sign that you have insecurities not to want women dancing topless and trying to arouse your DH. It is completely unacceptable, and you should all have enough respect for yourselves to refuse to allow it.
DaddyJ, you would have to be a pretty screwed up wife to want to sit and watch a girl dancing topless in front of your husband.
And it is lovely to name change and say exactly what I think!

I didn't like the idea of dh going and not telling me. I had a problem with it then....

But I was fine once i suggested it and escorted him myself to a pole dancing club! It's onmy profile if you dont believe me! lol

I took him and to be honest he didn't really enjoy it!
He seemed intimidated by them as they were mingling around, trying to get punter's money for private dances.
I think if he had been with a bunch of his mates he would have been ok. With me there, I dont think he knew where to look for fear of upsetting me, but it didnt bother me at all.

It wasnt sleazy. The club was really nice and all the dancers looked nice. The outfits were tack but ykwim? They seemed nice people.

I would have no problem with him going now and he would tell me first so i dont see a problem.

Plus, I got in free! pmsl

oH fuck......

Im a screwed up wife!

Will have to change my posting name!

I know, the suggestion is a bit out there, it would be more interesting to find out how her dp reacts to the idea.

If he is relaxed about it then his claim that it is all about banter and late night drinks is much more credible.
If he reacts like you, however, then it would be worth digging deeper.

...... it's as tacky/sleazy as the Tchibo nipple covers

They are yuck, they tend to be the venue of choice for celebrations within dhs industry. But here in Spain they are brothels. Dh is very open about it, finds it very uncomfortable but luckily doesn't have to go very often. I trust him implicictly so that doesn't worry me.

LadyOTF, I am wiping my screen clean now, your posts are simply too sordid

its sleazy... I woudl hate it too. how old is your DH? sounds a bit immature to me. do you have kids? how woudl he feel about his daughter working there, if its so harmless?

Sorry dear!

I am actually ashamed of my admission now!

3 kids.

Humm. I have to admit that part of my slight ambivalence about it is that I have been to one on a hen night!! Odd choice I know - it was a surprise for the 'hen'. I'm glad I've been but wouldn't go back.

He is a very honest person (and he does like a drink when he gets going so can believe that part of it). I suppose the only bit that bugs me is the exploitation. They are exploitative yes? And that he continues to go despite me feeling a bit odd about it. I could see why men might want to go once or twice but 5/6???

wouldnt bother me in the slightest

Agree with that NG.
I am glad I have been to see exactly what goes on, because it wasn't anything like I imagined.
I probably would never go again. I'm over it!

Sordid???

You mustn't get out much DaddyJ

ilovemyhubby

that is your opinion, lots of people go with their husbands and they are not "screwed up wives"

er i dont btw, but lots of people do

Couldn't give a shit if Dh goes again or not.
I have no worry of him cheating etc.
I'm his wife.
Geees.....