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Original poster

How do you feel about lap dance club/pole dancing stuff.........?

318 replies

niceglasses · 23/05/2007 07:41

My dh works in a bit of a boyish industry - mobile phones - tends to be bit 'scummy'.

I'd say ohhhh 5 or 6 times now on a night out they have ended up at these lap dance/topless places. At least he doens't lie about it! He says they just want the extra drink. He doesn't get home till about 4/5 in the morning.

I have gently let it be known I don't like it - he says its harmless.

What do you wise lot think? I don't feel like I can 'ban' him but I do feel a bit put out.

OP posts:
Boredveryverybored · 23/05/2007 10:43

Wouldnt bother me at all, exdp used to go quite a lot on lads nights out.
But everyones different and if it bothers you then explain to him that it really does bother you, better that than seething inside and letting it get to you.

barbamama · 23/05/2007 10:45

They are sleazt and probably morally questionable for the women but on the other hand, some claim to make a good living out of it. My dp works in a similar industry and has been a few times over the years and I honestly don't think I have a problem with it. I work in the smae industry and have even been to one once (it was boring). I think bf th elicencing law changes it genuinely was a way to get a late drink. Tbh, as long as it wasn't all the time and he didn't spend too much money (they are really expensive) I personally wouldn't mind. I think virtually every stag do they go on ends up with a stripper as well. Easy for me to say as he really is not that interested in them and is pretty trustworthy. I think they grow out of it a bit as well, don't think he has been to one since we had ds. However, if you are uncomfortable with it for whatever reason I think he should respect that and not go.

Original poster
niceglasses · 23/05/2007 10:47

Acchhhh. I drove him to work anyway (still half pissed) to pick up his car so I can't be that angry.

Its more of a rumbling, grumbling point of order than a mad shouty shout shout complaint.

Men and tits eh?

OP posts:
GrumpyOldHorsewoman · 23/05/2007 11:01

Another question for y'all.

How do you feel about prostitutes who do kinky stuff for men without having full intercourse. Ain't it just the same?

nailpolish · 23/05/2007 11:10

a man kerb crawling or going into a 'sauna' actively looking for 1 to 1 attention from a hooker is different to going to a club with a bunch of mates IMO

i used to be a barmaid in a lapdancing club and tbh most of the time the blokes would sit together drinking and having a laugh - the women were just there for entertainment and an addition to the night out, not the main reason for it

there are blokes though who go off into the cubicles with the girls though, but usually as an afterthought

the girls there are not hookers, like the ones on the streets

IMO and IME

GrumpyOldHorsewoman · 23/05/2007 11:13

Sorry. I just find them well seedy.

kittylette · 23/05/2007 11:16

I wouldn't want DP to go with the 'lads' but i would go with him

TBH pole dancing makes me a bit queasy as FILs girlsfriens (25 yr old librarian) has a pole in their dining room

nailpolish · 23/05/2007 11:16

well thats your opinion and you are entitled to it

nailpolish · 23/05/2007 11:16

that was to Grumpy btw

kittylette · 23/05/2007 11:16

*girlfriend, not girlfriends - hes got just the one! lol

GrumpyOldHorsewoman · 23/05/2007 11:21

Thank you , Naily. You don't hear that very often these days on MN, do you?

GrumpyOldHorsewoman · 23/05/2007 11:22

Kittylettes post has just made me ROFL. Such an image do I now have!

DaddyJ · 23/05/2007 11:22

oggsfrogg, I used to have a life but then someone pointed me to the active convo link on Mumsnet...very sad, I know

np, there were cubicles in the place you worked?
The places I have seen in the UK are open-plan to ensure everybody (particularly the bouncers)
can see you and enforce the No Touching policy.

IcingOnTheCake · 23/05/2007 11:30

I went with my dp, my sis and her dp to a club called 'Wiggle' last month, me and my sis went to the loo and when we came back a 'dancer' was chatting to our dps obviously trying to get them to buy a lap dance. The green eyed monster came out and i hated it in there. All the skinny girls walk around in their 'slutty' gear making you feel fat. I like to think they are hores, it makes me feel better!

PregnantGrrrl · 23/05/2007 11:33

i wouldn't like it myself. i have nothing against porn or poledancing, but i dislike the idea of lapdancing. Luckily, so does DP. Said it wouldn't make him feel aroused, just daft and awkward.

We went to a poledancing / lapdancing place in London once, which was quite classy. Lapdances weren't in the main area, and gents had to ask for one, not the other way round. We had a great time, and the girls were all very lovely and chatty with me, and let me use their dressing room as there was no ladies loo.

Vikkin · 23/05/2007 11:35

One of the girls in my local Ann Summers shop (shh) is training to be a pole dancer. She is lovely, I would never describe her as sleazy. She wants to earn the maximum money she can by using what she has been given.
And she said she would lend me a pair of her pole dancing shoes whenever I wanted to practice walking in them! I fear neither my Achilles tendons nor my husband would be up to it!

Blondilocks · 23/05/2007 11:39

I've heard that the women aren't always that, ahem, attractive anyway. My best blokie mate went to one where most of the women were around the same age as his mum, & twice as fat as her ... real turn on apparently!

I would only be bothered about a partner going there if he lied about it. I know loads of people who go on to places like that or casinos just because they can continue their evening with mates, & they do just go to continue their conversations rather than gamble or view the women!

I'd be up for going to one just to see what it's like, but can' t perduade best blokie mate to go back ....

LadyOfTheFlowers · 23/05/2007 11:40

there are cubicles in one of our local pole dancing clubs too, they have cameras in them and a bouncer watches the monitors from outside them.
maybe i am ok about it as i know dh does not find it arousing but more an uncomfortable experience?

barbamama · 23/05/2007 11:58

Any one on one action would be a no no to me - including regular lap dances. One off on a stag do or whatever wouldn't bother me.

nailpolish · 23/05/2007 12:12

yes there were cubicles but bouncers very nearby (ie other side of curtain pacing around the corridor)

DaddyJ · 23/05/2007 12:32

At the moment it's all about sex, sex, sex on Mumsnet - must be the glorious sunshine outside!

I see what you mean now nailpolish.
But essentially there is no real intimacy in a place like that,
just (rather pricey) tittilation.

Once more normal places like pubs and bars start staying open for longer
I would have thought that quite a few of these joints will go out of business.

God, I nearly posted this on the lap napping thread.

LadyOfTheFlowers · 23/05/2007 13:58

pmsl!

mosschops30 · 23/05/2007 14:04

There are plenty of slutty girls in pubs and clubs willing to dance round men and give them bjs for free, at least the girls in lap dancing clubs are professional and its a job and everyone knows why theyre their and what to expect

moopymoo · 23/05/2007 14:07

hate it hate it hate it. would go mad if my dh went. and the dp of a friend of mine left her for a lap dancer that he met on a stag do. didnt last what a shock..

ilovemyhubby · 23/05/2007 14:29

How could any wife possibly get anything out of watching their husband being aroused by other women? That is what it is about. All this shit about somewhere to drink, forget it. The people who run these places know exactly what gets the men there. What honestly is the difference between your husband looking at a womans tits, being aroused by her, wanting to touch her, and actually touching her? What is the difference? Just because he hasn't had sex or whatever with her, it is his heart that matters. How can anyone possibly want their husband to feel strong sexual attraction for another woman? I tell you, since finding MN I am more and more happy about my DH. To think I took it for granted that he wouldn't watch other girls dance topless in front of him...